Finding Your Voice

 

When I was a young girl, perhaps in my early teens, my Mom, sister & I made several cross country road trips from Iowa to upstate NY to visit family. I fondly recall one summer when my Mom decided it might be prudent to get a CB radio, for safety reasons if we were on the road and had car trouble. It was the responsible thing to do, yet in the eyes of a teenager girl it was delightful fun to chat with the truckers and just about anybody else I was able to strike up a conversation with up and down the dial. Remember this was before the days of cell phones and before the days of social media. I found it great fun and so did most of the truckers...most of them.  It was all well and good until one of the truckers decided my "handle" should be "ratchet jaw".  In hind sight, it was funny, but at the same time hurtful.  It was one of those moments that you remember years later. It was one of the first times in my life I had been criticized for talking too much.  It also came to be the first of many times. Yet, many of us have traits...parts of our personality that are ingrained in us.  Sometimes it becomes kind of a self fulfilled prophecy.  When someone tells you that you are a certain way...then you start to see yourself that way.  Yes, sometimes I talk a lot, perhaps too much. When those moments arise that I am reprimanded for talking too much, I instinctively back down, for awhile anyway.  Then my need to be heard resurfaces and I feel the need to speak and be heard.

So talking easily with just about anyone is not necessarily a bad thing. I have been told I possess the "Gift of Gab".  It comes in handy for a whole bevy of social situations to help break the ice and sometimes put more people at ease. Yet, learning how to measure your words before you speak is an important skill to have.  It reminds me of the old adage: "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt." This quote is sometimes attributed to Abraham Lincoln, although the actual origin has been debated.  Nevertheless, when I hear it, it sometimes causes me to think twice before making comments.  Especially on a topic I have limited knowledge on.  Tis better to listen and learn in those circumstances.

So frequently I remind myself of another adage: God gave us two ears and one mouth so we should listen twice as much as we talk.  Good point.  Nevertheless when I look at this image of a woman (circa 1950's) being a good girl and reminding either herself  or someone close by to "Shush"...the feminist in me rises and  I want to cry out until my voice is heard. Why is it that silence is sometimes equivalent to complacency?   Not always the case, yet being silent sometimes comes at a cost.

I guess we all need to feel that we are being heard and finding our voice with respect to how we communicate.  Many times it is not merely verbal, but our voice can be carried and displayed in a multitude of ways: music, art and in my case: writing. 

I have compared this blog sometimes to a journal...it feels so good to be able to express myself, to have my voice heard.  Yet someone (I'm not saying who...) said to me: ..."If it's like a journal than why should you care if anybody reads it or not?"  OUCH. Theoretically, maybe I shouldn't care if anybody reads it or not.  But it comes full circle as to why I write...it is a way of finding my voice.  So if no one listens to my "voice" why should I write? Good question. Why does an artist paint? Why does a dancer dance? I write because that is who I am.  Nevertheless, it would be nice to know someone is "listening".  Lately I have grappled with new ideas on how to reach my audience. As a writer and blogger it is sometimes sad to think that when you hit the "Publish" button your work has now gone to cyberspace, possibly never to be viewed except by your own eyes.  Yes, this is a bit dramatic, but sometimes it feels that way. Yet I just continue to write because it is one of the ways I have found my own voice. I have a favorite quote on my bulletin board: Real writers don't write because they can write, they write because they can't NOT write.  Let that sink in.  Therein lies the true nature of the beast.

Here's another food for thought...it's pretty evident to me why social media has become such a pervasive, sometimes even invasive, part of our lives.  People just want to be heard. Like so many ways of communication, there are pros and cons to discussions on social media. In it's early days, Facebook was merely a simple way to keep in touch and share photos, but it has morphed into something much more complicated...in good ways and sometimes NOT so good. Nevertheless, it does still allow dialogue.

So many times I think about communication and how it has changed just in the last few years. Not surprising that this would be a favorite topic of mine because my degree is in Journalism and Mass Communication. Both of those terms: journalism and mass communication encompass entirely different things now from when I graduated college.  It's mind boggling to think how we communicate has changed.  On a personal level, I think it is sad that so many local newspapers have disappeared.  Perhaps technology has replaced them with other ways of connecting with your community, but sometimes I still think there is a void in that respect.  Having connections relevant to your geographic area helps to create a stronger, closely knit community. It brings a sense of identity that only a local paper or local TV station can bring. The town I am currently living in had a local paper that closed down just a few years before I got here. Sad. Maybe I would have enjoyed working with them.  If when I graduated, I had been told you will operate 2 blogs, (what's a blog?)

self-publish 4 books and communicate with your family and friends across the country just by typing a note on your computer (Thanks Facebook).....well at that time I just would not have fathomed it. Not sure what the future will bring as we seek to Find our voice.

So Gentle Readers....I encourage you to Find Your Voice in whatever format is best suited to you.  Find your voice and let you voice be heard.  Julie Etta Smith

The Road Less Traveled

It is funny how simple changes in our routine and going outside our "comfort zone" can really open one's eyes to new things and new experiences.  Something as simple as a road detour can bring an interesting twist to your day.  Some of my inspiration for this blog post is reminiscent of Robert Frost's poem: The Road Not Taken.  It has always been one of my favorites:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

That particular poem has been interpreted in so many ways. It also probably is different for everyone in different life circumstances. For me and at this time, it really says to me that it's rewarding to find new pathways...both literally and figuratively speaking. Here's a perfect example from my recent travels in my own town.  We found out that work would be done on a bridge close to our neighborhood on a county road that happens to be our main pathway to town (we live on the far east side of town and basically have to go this way to get anywhere else.) There are two detours that definitely take the long way around, but frankly they are very pretty drives. Our initial reaction included groans of exasperation followed by an acceptance and appreciation that at least the bridge is being improved before something bad happened. So we keep taking the long way and have learned to be more effective about planning our trips.  It truly is nice that I am seeing part of this area that under normal circumstances I would never see. 

Simplistic beauty of a country road

This particular corner on our detour takes us by this big beautiful barn.  The whole scene with the curvy road, stately maple trees and the big red barn is just picture perfect; makes the drive that much nicer. If it were winter, this curvy road could be icy and a bit treacherous....but it's not. It is summer: the fields of corn are abundant, the trees and wildflowers are diverse and it makes for a lovely drive....even if it is a bit longer.

So admiring the Grant Wood beauty of this scene and barn, I started wondering about some of the unique round barns that I know can be found in Wisconsin.  Inquiring minds need to know ...so I did my research and found out that at one time there were over 215 round barns in Wisconsin. Since the round barn style was more common from 1880 to the 1930s it was a very common way to build a barn and made more sense both economically and the feasibility of  building usage.  With the advent of electricity and newer methods of milking, it was easier to electrify a rectangular shaped barn. So the round style  became a thing of the past, but when you happen to come upon one, if it is still standing... it is a unique reflection of historical agriculture. 

 I also discovered that the state of Wisconsin has more round barn structures than any state in the U.S.  The state of Indiana runs a close second on that probably by virtue of the large Amish population in the state.  The Amish were known to prefer building round barns and were able to perfect the building techniques for them.  They also utilized the unique shape for milking and also grain storage without the use of electrification. 

New Richmond (Erin Prairie Township, built 1914)

So I did a little poking around on the internet and I found an amazing list of all the historical round barns in the state of Wisconsin.  If you are curious to find one in your area you can find the list at:www.dalejtravis.com/rblist/rbwi.htm 

So I was amazed to find there was one VERY close to my house.  I grabbed my camera and hopped in the car to go snap some photos.  It was easy to find with the help of Dale Travis's detailed list. It also made me realize I may want to go on a scavenger hunt of sorts to photograph more of these unique and historical structures. I took many photos of this unique barn and wish I could have taken more of the interior structure. However, no one was at home at the time to get permission.  Sometimes the interiors show how solidly they were built and also the unique grain and feed storage areas. In any case, I took several shots of this unique barn.

New Richmond (Erin Prairie Township, built 1914)

So I did discover that the highest concentration of round barns in the WORLD is right here in Wisconsin in Vernon County. There are 17 left in that county at last count, but previously the numbers of round barns were much higher in that area. Vernon County borders the Mississippi and encompasses a "driftless" glacial area and the terrain has gently rolling hills   There is also a very large population of Amish in the area so it is no small wonder that so many of the traditional round barns had been constructed in this area. Some of the barns are of newer construction, but the majority of them were built between 1890 and 1930.  Most of the barns were used for dairy farming.

Round barn in Vernon County Wisconsin

 Another round barn in Wisconsin that is worthy of note is found in northern region of Iron County near Hurley. It is located directly across from the Montreal River from Ironwood, Michigan. The round barn was built in 1917 and is an impressive structure made entirely from field stones.  Can you imagine the labor involved in constructing it? It is listed on Wisconsin's National Register of Historic Places.

Annala Round Barn in Hurley, WI. (Built 1917)

So remember next time you come upon a detour, both literally and figuratively speaking, a journey on that detour can sometimes bring new and thought provoking sights and experiences.  Happy Travels along the way on the Road less traveled.   Julie E. Smith

Metaphors in Faith

 For many years, I have felt one of the best explanations of my belief in God is the metaphor of the spirit of God is like the wind. One can't touch the wind or directly see the wind, but you certainly can see the affects of it on a fall day when it works to free the leaves from the trees. The wind exists, it is real. God exists even though we don't see God face to face we still see the action that takes place when God is at work. 

You can speak to the wind and your voice will likely be carried away, but when you speak to God you know you will be heard. I also am reminiscent of an old song (1972) that I really loved as a young girl. It is by Rick Springfield: Speak to the Sky:

Speak to the sky when ever things go wrong

And you know you're not talkin' to the air, to the air

And the world will look better from up there

Speak to the sky 'cause things can get ya down

And you know when you're talkin' to the Lord, to the Lord

The world will look better than before......

It's all right

Cause I speak to the sky every night.

 A multi-layered metaphor I think...and speaking to the sky is a wonderful metaphor for prayer. 

As a writer, I seek to use the English language to the very best of my ability.  That being said, I have frequently confused metaphors and similes.  In researching the topic, I have found that it is very easy to mix up the two figures of speech.  They have slight distinctions. A metaphor is a figure of speech that uses an implied comparison to draw a connection between two  unrelated things, thereby making them easier to understand. A simile uses comparative words ( "like" and "such as") whereas metaphors do not.  An example of a simile would be: " She had cheeks like roses." Then of course it's fun to think about what happens with the use of "mixed metaphors." There are an abundance of those that can be quite entertaining. Here's a few fun ones:

• Don’t judge a book before it’s hatched.
• Until the pigs freeze over.
• "But unfortunately for yours truly, that train has sailed." (Austin Powers)

So you can have great fun with mixed metaphors, but metaphors may also help to demonstrate concepts and a greater understanding of valuable life lessons. Including, of course, a greater understanding of how God leads us to living better lives and in turn a better global community.

Just think of all the lessons taught by Jesus through the use of parables.  In many of these stories the parables themselves could be considered extended metaphors that Jesus used to make a point.  I bet right off the top of your head you can think of many including: The Tree and it's Fruit (Matthew 12:33-37), The Sower and the Seed (Matthew 13:3-9) The Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-42) and The Mustard Seed (Matthew 13:31-42)  These parables and metaphors really helped to provide a pathway for learning the lessons that Jesus was trying to convey.

Another of my favorite metaphors is found in Isiah 64:8: But now, O Lord, you are our Father, we are the clay, and you are out potter, we are all the work of your hand." 

So this meets the definition of a metaphor because we are not literally clay, but God molds us and guides us in certain ways. If we are open to suggestion and allowing God to mold us, and guide us, great things can come about.

Probably one of the most famous metaphors in the Bible, which brings comfort to many followers of Jesus is found in Psalms23:1: "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." 

This metaphor, placing humanity as sheep, is meant to emphasize that we need guidance in our lives and protection by the shepherd.  This particular parallel is found in several places. Remember the story of the Lost Sheep? (Luke 15:3-7)  This particular passage brings assurance that God will not forget any of his followers, even if we stray from the flock. I for one, sometimes have felt like a lost sheep at various times in my life. Haven't we all?

Not only do we learn from metaphors, but I believe the artistic and creative use of metaphors in our language can make learning easier and also a delight. 

Rising to the Challenge: Memorizing Scripture

As a young girl, I remember (not necessarily fondly) having to memorize several piano music pieces for recitals. It was challenging and fun and probably “good for me”, but I just couldn’t see it at that time. Performing in front of my peers and several judges was also pretty nerve racking. Nevertheless, the act of memorizing itself did bring me a feeling of accomplishment.

Flash forward to today and I do enjoy memorizing things, but for different reasons.  I have also found out that working at memorization is physiologically good for your brain.  The older I get, I want to make sure I exercise that part of my body as well.  So for exercising our brains, and the strength of our faith, memorizing Scripture is a great way to achieve both those things. 

Several Christian leaders and influential teachers have shown us the benefits of memorizing scripture. The prolific author Chuck Swindoll writes:

 “I know of no other single practice in the Christian life more rewarding, practically speaking, than memorizing Scripture. . . . No other single exercise pays greater spiritual dividends! Your prayer life will be strengthened. Your witnessing will be sharper and much more effective. Your attitudes and outlook will begin to change. Your mind will become alert and observant. Your confidence and assurance will be enhanced. Your faith will be solidified” (Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life, 61).

The benefits of Memorization are well documented, but additional benefits to memorizing specifically Scripture also provide unique benefits as well.  I found an interesting blog that helps to provide inspiration for memorizing and studying scripture. It is called In The Mirror of God and can be found at: https://inthemirrorofgod.com/  She details many benefits from memorizing scripture including:

·        It builds your Faith

·        It keeps you from Sin

·        It Equips you for Spiritual warfare

·        It keeps your Mind at Peace

·        It Helps you know Biblical Truth & Keeps you from Error

She also provides on this blog several methods to help you memorize scripture and ways to enrich your life as a Christian.

So, since we all know the benefits of scripture memorization, I would encourage all of us to share our favorites with each other.  Perhaps you will find a new one that you would like to rise to the challenge of memorizing. For the record, here are a few of my very favorites that I almost have memorized. I will keep working on them:

Psalm 4:8: In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.  

Philippians 4:6-7: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Matthew 6:26 :Look at the birds of the air: they do not sow or reap or gather into barns--and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  

Psalm 86:7 : In the Day of trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.

Hebrews 11:1  Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Looking forward to hearing about your favorites. You can email me at: Julieetta05@gmail.com or you can respond on this blog. I check my blogs regularly.

 Thanks! Julie

1959...Part 2

 In my last blog I spoke of the incredible beauty of two states: Alaska and Hawaii and the unique fact that they gained statehood in the same year: 1959.  Perhaps I feel an interesting connection with them both because that is the same year I was born.  I have been to Alaska many times and have had some terrific adventures by virtue of the fact that we have family there so frequently head North to visit. 

Yet, in mid-February I was finally able to add Hawaii to my travelled to list. What an awesome place and since we travelled to four islands, I divided up my blogs into four separate blog posts. Since it involves travel features, I posted on my relatively new blog: https://www.americandestinations.net/  If you are interested in US travel, I hope you will take a look. Thanks, Julie

    The Luau: a classic experience for Hawaiian visitors

1959

What an awesome year it was....1959. Alaska and Hawaii both became states and "official" members of these United States and also.... I was born. Perhaps not exactly a banner event, but I love sharing my "birthday" with both Alaska and Hawaii. Since we did come to being in the same year I have always had a desire to visit those two exotic locals.  I know that both states had a long, diverse history prior to becoming part of the U.S., but nevertheless, 1959 is significant for all three of us.

I know many things were going on in '59 that are worthy of note.  Here's just a sampling: Fidel Castro's forces were victorious in the Cuban revolution. Xerox launched the first commercial copier. Work began on the formulation of a birth control pill (it didn't hit the market until 1960) The United States launched the Vanguard II weather satellite. Then sadly, also in 1959, the event that later was called the "Day the Music died": a chartered plane transporting musicians Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and the Big Bopper crashed in foggy conditions near Clear Lake, Iowa killing all four occupants on board including the pilot: Roger Peterson.  Don Mclean's classic song "American Pie" (1971) included a memorial to these musicians paying tribute to them singing of "the day the music died". A sad event, but a classic song that most Baby Boomers know all the words to. 

While looking back to the year 1959, many journalists and reports claimed it was a turning point in this country on many levels: cultural, economic and also the roles of men and women.  Since I was born in 1959, I would never be destined to be constrained by the role of a 1950's housewife.  Any perceptions o that lifestyle would only be seen by me in black and white re-runs of "Leave it to Beaver".  I feel fortunate that many of the Feminist ideals of equality had already been forged ahead  long before the time I even thought about relationships, marriage and the battle of the sexes...both  in the workplace and the personal level.  Yes, 1959 was a banner year...but what really struck me that those two most amazing states gained statehood the same year I was born! Not exactly sure when it happened, but BOTH of those states were added to my list of places I really wanted to visit.

                                           Thompson Pass near Valdez, Alaska

So I have made great progress on my bucket list with Alaska.  My sister-in-law and brother- in- law live there and we have made several fun journeys there,  Then in 2014, my son moved there and has established himself there. Pretty sure he's going to stay. I tallied our trips to the state that has been pegged "The Last Frontier" and it currently stands at 6 trips. Sounds like six times would be enough, but there are so many varied things to see, that it is always a treat to see something new when we go up to see family. Plus, as long as I have family there...I will go. There are many places in Alaska I have yet to explore!

Next month I will be able to check off Hawaii, our 50th state, on my Bucket List. (Well, let's just say the Good Lord willing and the creek don't rise.)  I am so incredibly excited and everything is well planned. Yet, not too well planned...you have to have some room for spontaneity. I have always planned our own trips by myself, (and many internet searches and trips to the library), but I was really intimidated by this one. Especially coordinating flights between islands, so I enlisted the help of a travel agent and I am sure glad I did.  But time will tell how smoothly everything will go. Nothing will be absolutely the way you expect it.  I found found that in life that I need to be flexible with my expectations and reality.  Nevertheless, I am so very excited and am "pre-viewing" (via the Internet) some of the gorgeous sights that I hope to see myself.  Here are the stunning Wailua Falls in Kauai.

Gorgeous, Huh?! These serene falls were shown on the opening credits of the television show  Fantasy Island(the original from the early 80's, not the reboot.) Yes...I am old enough to remember the original with Mr. Rourke and Tattoo.  When we are there, we will have to watch for "Da' Plane....Da Plane!! "  What a heart warming show, even if is was a bit sappy. 

So I am sure that upon my return, I will have plenty to write about.

Until then...ALOHA.        Julie E. Smith

My Tupperware Container

The body is merely a vessel for the soul. This vessel that holds your spirit, holds also all the characteristics that makes you uniquely you. So in that respect, the container is merely an earthly vessel to contain our spirit while we are on here on earth.  Granted, we need to take good care of the vessel if we intend on staying here awhile. So the vessels come in all shapes and sizes, but basically are a Tupperware container for our souls.  Weird concept I know, but bear with me. So if we have a container, does it matter that they come in all different sizes and shapes?  Genetics play a part, but also lifestyles....people come in all different shapes and sizes. I am trying so very hard to love and take care of my Tupperware container, even if it is a "larger" container. 

 It's interesting how at the start of every new year, people make many vows to be "better". Now this is an admirable goal, but can sometimes wreck havoc on our self-esteem. I speak from experience.  As a middle aged woman I have dealt with bad body image and self-esteem for several years now.  I strongly believe in staying healthy and taking care of our bodies.  Yet, we need to remember that health should have priority over aesthetics. This is nothing new and I found it interesting that I was grappling with this same issues several years ago.

 * SIGH* some things never change.  I am  adding on to this blog a post that I made in 2019 regarding body image.  Holds true today and YES, I still like Meghan Trainor. 

Here is the post from then:

Photo by: Aleksander Antonijevic

This morning as I slipped on some exercise pants for my work out at the gym I noticed something that brought a chuckle to my day. On the tag of my pants it said "Danskin".  Most of my exercise clothes are generic or old t-shirts, but I do have a few nice ones. I remember an old commercial for Danskin: "Danskins are for dancing". Now I'm assuming the company meant to inspire anyone to get off the couch and start dancing. Preferably a dance suitable to an accomplished ballerina. And if you wear Danskin clothing you will look like a ballerina with the sculptured muscular legs to go with it. Nothing against Danskin, they are just trying to sell leotards, tights and leggings, but one can't help but get these certain images in your brain about how a healthy body is "supposed" to look. It's my understanding that they changed their slogan to "Danskin's are not just for dance." Also, now it's called "activewear", for just about any and all forms of "active living". Although I will say, I can't see myself going to the grocery store or walking a dog wearing leggings and a tank top. I know, it's been done....to each his own.

 So getting to the chuckle that was brought to my day.... as I slipped on the exercise pants, when I saw the Danskin label I thought of myself as a pretty Portly Ballerina. Now I was being gentle with myself- I didn't say a FAT ballerina; I was so kind to use the euphemism "portly".  Then it brought a smile to my face when I realized what I would look like trying to attempt ballet. Yet, I dressed, went to the gym and felt strangely empowered by being thankful for what my body CAN do, not dwelling on the things I CAN'T do. I also try very hard to focus on what my body can do, not what it looks like. Yes, my legs are fat, my knees hurt....but my legs still work, and my knees bend. Perhaps it takes me longer to climb a flight of stairs than it did a few years back, but by golly I can still do it.
 3 Cheers for Julie.  Yes, I want to stress the importance of being your own cheering section.

Now perhaps I have a biased opinion, because I never took ballet. Yet I hold in high regard the beauty of the art form of dance and am always amazed how an accomplished dancer, ballet and other forms of dance, can discipline their bodies to perform incredible athletic feats. Truly an inspiration. I did however take a one semester course in Jazz Dancing. Oh my gosh. What an incredibly fun class. I thoroughly enjoyed it, but never did get the full routine down pat. As I said previously, not a good dancer. I remember to this day it was to Chaka Khan's "I Feel for you"....great song.   In the class, there were many fancy dance steps and motions, in many different sequences.  Even if I "messed up" several times, it was so great just becoming immersed in the dance and moving your body to the music. Isn't that the point of dancing? That's why I always have music to move me at the gym. Helps motivate me.

So on that playlist from my MP3 player I use at the gym, many of the songs help me to rise above "body image" and work to keep the body I have healthier and happy.   In terms of female body image and empowerment, Meghan Trainor has many songs to inspire. One of my favorite lines is from  "All About that Bass" : several lines encourage loving the body we have: Meghan sings: " Yeah, it's pretty clear, I ain't no size two....I see the magazines working that Photoshop. We know that shit ain't real. Come on now, make it stop...Cause every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top."
Thanks Meghan.

So I guess I can't stress enough, both to myself and to many others bombarded by images of what the perfect body should be. Love and take care of the body you are in because it is the only body you are given. Be good to yourself and thank the Good Lord for the goodness within you.

Julie E. Smith

Peace & Pain coexist

 Today was the last session of my GriefShare group, I almost didn't want the session to end. I feel a certain sense of sadness, but in the same token feeling very blessed that I learned so much as a participant in this group.  I truly believed that we all managed to help each other in our journeys; both in small ways and big ways...but always miraculous.

Just like the photo here...it is best to think of Grief like an ocean, ebbing and flowing in your life. I feel as if I have done a pretty decent job of "learning to swim."

One of the GriefShare statements is their mission to provide you with help on: "Your Journey from Mourning to Joy." It really helped me on my journey, and I plan on keeping my workbook to reference from time to time.  Just like any journaling a person does...it is so good to go back and see how things have progressed and also how prayers have been answered.

In my workbook, I noted several quotes, lessons and sometimes just observations that have helped with my healing. The grief process is different for everyone, but some of these lessons that were highlighted I feel compelled to share and record perhaps a "Readers Digest" condensed version of the ones that meant the most to me:

• Peace & Pain coexist: just like the title of this blog, I found it is so valuable to be reminded that pain and sorrow are both part of the human condition.  Everyone knows that, but sometimes we need an affirmation that we are not alone in suffering.  Everyone experiences grief. Just because you have pain, does not mean you will never experience joy again... even joy that can occur at the same time as sorrow. There are many biblical contexts that assure us that we can find peace after, or even amongst, the pain.  These are a few of my favorites: But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened. 1 Peter 3:14   

Another verse affirms pain and human suffering, but also declares the reassurance of a coming peace. Jesus states: I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Many times, when we grieve, we feel guilty for having joy again. I know my Mom wouldn't want me to dwell on missing her, but rather move forward. Which leads me to my next point:

• Move Forward instead of Moving On: This bit of advice may seem just like a matter of semantics, but it provides a valuable insight into the way we heal. Sometimes people mean well by saying something to the effect of "She really needs to Move on..." which seems to imply forgetting the past.  Whereas Moving Forward allows us to remember the person we have lost, respecting and treasuring the memories while at the same time proceeding with carrying on with your life.  I know, easier said than done.  Yet, it is something to strive for.

• Grief is not Linear:    Just like the ebb and flow of the ocean it is good to remember that Grief comes and goes.  There will be good days and bad days.  I found comfort in remembering that you just don't go from point A to point B and then you're done.  It doesn't work that way. Thoughts and sadness will sneak up on you when you least suspect it. That's OK, it's just part of the process. The worst thing you can do is to be hard on yourself and think, "I thought I was done with this"...well apparently you weren't. Let it wash over you like a wave and then proceed.  A perfect example that happened to me occurred during a recent drive to Dallas to help my son move. On the way home we drove through Des Moines...not stopping.  The fact that Mom was no longer there, and we just drove by the skyline and familiar roadways...it suddenly hit me.... I miss her so much. All those years of trips to Des Moines and now it will never be the same.  Even if we did go back, as they say...you can never go home again. So, since I was driving, I felt compelled to stop at a rest stop and let the tears flow.  I didn't deny my emotions and I felt better by allowing myself to experience those feelings. It's part of the process and I have learned that the journey is not over yet. However, every tear heals.
  

• Gratitude changes our hearts: I have this phrase: "Gratitutde changes our Hearts", written on a post-it note by my desk as a gentle reminder to remember all the things in my life that ARE going right. Blessings can bring a smile to your face, even if it is through your tears.

I am so very thankful for this group in helping me in "processing" my grief and helping me to move forward with JOY. If you are interested in learning more about this group, their web site is: www.griefshare.org or feel free to contact me with any questions, I would be happy to help. 

Julie E. Smith

The Benefits of 65+

The last time I remember actually wanting to be older was when I was 15 going on 16...could hardly wait to get a year older so I could get my Driver's License.  Many people wait with anticipation...wanting to be older at three important milestones in our lives: driver's license, legally drinking and being able to obtain Medicare coverage.  Sure, aging milestones are different depending on your priorities, but these three came to mind for me...especially lately when I have dealt with yet another medical insurance claim that was woefully inadequately covered by my insurance. Sometimes I just feel unlucky.  I pay my premiums, I try hard to decipher what is covered and what is not, and I still get...(excuse the French)...Screwed.  

My Husband, on the other hand has been enjoying the full benefits of Medicare for several years now.  Does he ever have to wonder...Will this be covered? Can I afford to take care of my health with preventative care testing? NO. If he does worry, I certainly don't hear about those concerns.  In any case....now that I am 60+ I don't necessarily want to get older, but when the time comes, my life will become easier when I can be covered under Medicare. Also, since my most recent debacle in the mystifying land of medical insurance...I am incredibly tempted to go without insurance completely.  What do my premiums pay for anyway!??!...not much I'm afraid. I will probably not tempt fate, because knowing my luck the day after dropping my insurance, I'd have a major accident.  So....I will just keep plodding along, try to stay as healthy as I can and avoid doctor visits.

With my latest insurance frustration, that is just what I was trying to be: proactive and healthy.  For years I have tried to do what was "right" for a woman and have an annual Mammogram. This year, and in previous years, I have been required to go back for a "second look" and this is considered by the medical community and insurance companies as a diagnostic mammogram. I have been through the emotional roller coaster ride of wondering if I had breast cancer or not.  It was such a relief to find out that no it was not cancer, just a cyst.  For that I am truly thankful.  Then the bills roll in.  Diagnostic mammograms are rarely covered by insurance. This makes no sense to me.  Women try to be proactive with our health, but then we run up against a medical billing community that stops us in our tracks.  I guess I get to a point sometimes that I feel like I can't fight the system.  I just want to cry, but I write instead.  Bernie Sanders really had some very valid points....the medical system in this country really needs improvement.

This is not a new development for me, I had a claim denied for reasons of "pre-existing condition"...and it was not.  I had the doctor's paperwork to prove it, but was saddled with a $13,000 bill. See my blog from 2/16/2021 entitled "What a Hot Mess...Health Insurance crisis in America".

I don't think I am just unlucky, or the only one with crappy insurance....I don't think I am alone in this frustration.  I just hope and pray that they will leave Medicare alone so it will still be there and functioning well when I arrive at 65.

So here's a cartoon to bring a bit of levity to a tough topic.  It is true, "you're never covered as much as you think you are."   Ain't it the Truth!! 

                                    

                         Julie E. Smith

Emotional Rescue

  I find found comfort in this meme and not just because it has a lighthouse in it. Granted that does help further the cause.  Those who know me, know that I love lighthouses for both their architectural beauty and symbolism. I really like it because it demonstrates the life advantage of sharing your sorrows and drawing strength from others. Advantages that can help just about anyone in a whole variety of circumstances. I write these words today specifically from the benefits I have found from a grief support group that I have been attending: Grief Share. 

The grief in my life that I am currently dealing with started with the loss of my Mother and 4 months later that grief was intensified by my son's loss of his girlfriend and her three-year-old son. It has been so much to handle and a rough year for our family. I am no stranger to depression...and I know when I need to pursue help.  So when I was having issues being a caretaker for my Mom and all the stressors that went with that, I decided to seek help. Well, it is evident lately that many, many people have sought counseling in this crazy world we live in. The debilitating effects of the Pandemic can in large part be to blame that there just aren't enough therapists to go around.  I was put on a waiting list for a local therapist, then I had not heard from them for months so I called them several times.  I remember the woman apologizing and by way of explanation saying: "There's a mental health crisis in this country." That may very well be true, and a definite lack of therapists!  I felt as if I needed to do something, so I pursed other avenues for help.

 Many of us that are lost "out at sea" have had to find our own life preservers. For myself that is a combination of things including journaling, prayer and recently a support group.  I have always thought of myself as a "survivor", but sometimes a group situation can help and perhaps you recognize things that you might not have seen if you are taking the journey on your own. When I found the Grief Share group it was such a wonderful blessing and has really helped and continues to help me cope moving forward. It is interesting to note that the Grief Share program is available pretty much nationwide.  It is very easy to find a group in your area by checking out their website: www.griefshare.org. It is important to remember that the site is to help you find a group and additional resources if needed, but the group meetings are in person and so beneficial to gain support on a face-to-face basis.

Many of the things I have learned from the group seem so obvious sometimes, but when you are grieving you frequently don't recognize things that might help you with your grief journey.  One of the statements from the group sums up a lot: "Your Journey from Mourning to Joy". It is a journey, and it doesn't happen overnight.  One of the things that was shared was the fact that when well-meaning people want to help you to "get over" your grieving, that implies telling you to leave something behind.  Instead, it may be better to "Move forward" with your life and you can always keep the memory of your loved one with you. Some may feel that this is just a matter of semantics, but words can have powerful impacts on our perceptions.

 Another thing we discuss at meetings is there is no set timetable for various stages of grief.   Many people know that, but frequently we get caught up in the day-to-day tasks and don't allow ourselves time to grieve.  A perfect example of this was shown in a video from the group.  It discussed a widow who could not bring herself to sort through her deceased husband's things. She was just not quite ready to face that emotional task.  Many offers for helping with the task came from people who thought it would be a good and necessary step for moving forward. The women's response was one that I would like to remember myself if I ever need it. She replied: " I am just not ready to do that now, but when I am I would love your help."

It is so wonderfully said because it doesn't put yourself on the defensive and it also acknowledges that you really appreciate the other person's offer for help.  Very diplomatic and helps the other person to respect your wishes. 

So when I picked the title for this blog: Emotional Rescue it does designate emotional help that those who are grieving can pursue.  Yet, on a personal level it is indicative of how music helps "rescue" me frequently. So I am a huge fan of the Stones. Just think of Mick Jagger singing the refrain:

"Don't you know promises were never meant to keep? Just like the night, they dissolve off in sleep

I'll be your savior, steadfast and true

I'll come to your emotional rescue"

Yes, I know it's kind of a stretch to make a correlation between getting help for grieving and a classic rock tune by the Stones....but it works for me.  I guess it's just the comfort implied by the title.  In any case, we all need to find what works for us. Sharing with others works for me with a liberal dose of music as well. 

So, if any form of Grief enters your life...and it will at one time or another, be sure to take the steps to help yourself heal. It is a process and a journey.  Don't hesitate to ask for help when needed and reach out to me with a note if you'd like. I would be happy to listen.  JES