An Extrovert Living in an Introverted World

On the spectrum of Extroverted or Introverted I have always been classified as leaning more on the Extroverted side.  I remember my Mother telling me that I could strike up a conversation with just about anyone at any given time....and make it a good conversation for both people. It's a gift, or a curse...depending on the circumstance. 

Our world has become Introverted, temporarily anyway...due to the infamous Pandemic of 2020.  Now the calendar has turned, the vaccinations are rolling out, cases of COVID-19 are decreasing and there appears to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Yet, sometimes I still can't wrap my head around the concept of not shaking hands, not getting close for conversation and most of all NOT hugging your closest friends and family. As a "people person" and Extrovert, I am really starting to suffer. In the long run, I know I will be OK, but sometimes it feels like an uphill battle.

So in the process of waiting for "herd immunity" to be firmly established I have increased the time spent on solitary tasks and hobbies. I always enjoyed Facebook, but EGAD...I have to confess I have seen way too many cat videos and photos of: "try this new dessert!" I have had enough problems with putting on the pandemic pounds; that does not help. Yet, everyday I still keep scrolling. In small doses it is still a fun pastime when you can't have in person conversations.  Of course both of my blogs have had several  posts since this all began and I am happy to report I completed by book on the National Park Service.  OK...here is my shameless plug on that: available on Amazon: "A Walk in the Park...Journeys through our Nation's Greatest Treasures" . It was a fun book to research and write, and a good book if I do say so myself. (Would an Introvert say that? Hmmmm...) Here''s the link: https://www.amazon.com/Walk-Park-Journeys-Greatest-Treasures/dp/1792837771/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=A+Walk+in+the+Park…Journeys+through+our+Nation%27s+Treasures&qid=1611349971&sr=8-1

I also have started a new quilt, which I am hopeful will be beautiful when complete. But I fear that as soon as my world starts opening up with my social activities, the quilt may be put by the wayside. Perhaps it will become a project for next winter, not a project for the next pandemic...let's hope there will never be another as awful as this.

Either way you perceive yourself, an Introvert or Extrovert....which ever side of the fence you lean, I thought this Clint Eastwood meme was great. Everyone can relate to that and it really brought me a chuckle. If I recall, I think that looks like his film Gran Torino. You can't help but like Clint...a classic.

In any case, there are both Extroverts and Introverts struggling to get through this particular time in our history. So many believe that Introverts are able to handle the isolation of this pandemic better then Extroverts.  But a recent study suggests the opposite, according to a Forbes article. The study, conducted by Virginia-based research consultancy, Greater Divide, surveyed 1,000 American adults and found that those who scored higher on the measure of extroversion were less likely to be experiencing mental health issues due to stay-at-home or quarantine measures.

Some experts contribute the surprising results to extroversion being associated with more positive emotions, optimism and resiliency, while introversion has been linked to more nervousness and fear. The uncertainty of this pandemic may be more difficult for introverts.While the study suggests that extroverts may be handling the pandemic better than expected, it does not mean they are immune to anxiety or stress from the stay-at-home order. Both personality traits have faced mental health challenges during the quarantine and are stressed in their own ways. That being said, it would be good to support each other, no matter what our personality traits may be....

Big changes are coming our way and I am thinking we have much to look forward to. Additionally, the fact that spring is right around the corner always brings folks a sunnier outlook.  Start planning those flower beds!😄        Julie E . Smith

What do you do on a Rainy Day?

As I write these words, it’s 90 degrees, humid and the scorching sun is burning all the grass up and down our block. So the thought of some cooling rain sounds pretty good right now. Yet, I am using the Rainy Day metaphor to compare it to our current situation of the 2020 Corona virus requiring us to “shelter in place” and keep our social distancing when we are required to go out.  Well, the COVID 19 has become our “Rainy Day” (or more accurately months…) Of course I understand the necessity of quarantining ourselves to stop the spread of the virus, but to me it seems reminiscent of being stuck in the house on a rainy day. Both kids and parents can understand the frustration of being cooped up too long. Also think back when you were a little kid inside on a rainy day…what types of indoor fun did you participate in?

So here are a few fun ideas to try to help us all get through these “Rainy Days”:

•   Movie night: pull out those DVDs or the modern version might be finding some favorites on Netflix. 
•   Cook something special, what a perfect time to try a new recipe. Although sometimes cooking an old favorite can be beneficial too. Ahhh, nothing like a favorite cookie recipe and it’s not even Christmas yet!
•  Dance Party: Put on your favorite music and get the wiggles out. As they say: Dance like no one’s looking!
•  If there are young kids in your household….how about a blanket fort- remember those as a kid? So fun to construct your very only little place.
•  Pull out the board games and puzzles that have not been tried in awhile.
•  Take this time to pursue your favorite craft or hobby.  As a scrapbooker, I have completed ooodles of work on my albums during this time of “shelter in place.” It also might be a good time to start up a new hobby. Inspired by our church youth group, I painted and put inspirational words on various rocks. They have become a nice addition to my garden.
•   And last, but certainly not least, take a few minutes every day to read scriptures, your favorite devotional book and remember the Lord with prayer. These are tough times we are going through, but seeking shelter in our faith helps to keep us going.

Psalm 46:1-2 – "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea."  

Surviving "Shelter in Place"

I am a people person, always have been. So with the social constraints and expectations required to help our society contain the current pandemic: the Coronavirus-2020, I am sure I am not the only one feeling anxiety and frustration.  It's also interesting to note that the name of the virus seems to have morphed from Coronavirus to COVID-19. Several people still refer to it as the Coronavirus; it's easier to remember with the name of a good beer attached to it. Perhaps the folks at Corona don't like that...but hey, any publicity is good publicity. Not sure how this time period will go down in the history books: COVID-19 or Coronavirus...that remains to be seen. The thing I miss the most during this "shelter in place" and social distancing is seeing people, talking face to face and of course hugs. I am a hugger. There is something about a hug that fills up your "tank" and replenishes your soul.

So during this isolating period, since I can't see friends and family, I can do another coping mechanism: writing. So here I am at the keyboard talking about surviving the Coronavirus 2020. I promise not to tell you to wash your hands...you know that already. How many times have we been told that? What I will say is do something you love that will lift your spirits. We all must remember that this too shall pass and we can return to our "normal" lives. Maybe when we return, it will give us a greater appreciation for the simple things like a warm handshake from a business acquaintance, or a warm and comforting hug from a dear friend.

In  making an effort to do all these things, we are told that our efforts help to minimize the spread of the virus and help to "flatten the curve." I really hope that is the case. It is disheartening to watch the news and hear that many of the diagnosed cases keep increasing.  We like to believe...we WANT to believe that our efforts to minimize the virus do help.  Without these efforts, the pandemic would be worse. Yet, the impending assault on the economy and the livelihoods of so many people is just as scary as the virus itself. Mental health professionals say to only watch the news once or twice a day; that is sufficient to obtain all the information you need without an information overload and diving into depression.  I am not glued to CNN, but wow it is very easy to get overwhelmed.

So when one is overwhelmed, it's best to pursue something that brings you comfort. I blog. I journal. I pray. So many churches, my own included, have revised their services to bring messages of comfort and some feelings of "normalcy" to their congregations via various forms of video conferencing.  We viewed our Pastor's last video sermon and he did a great job. It was kind of fun to attend church in my pajamas...yet I miss the fellowship, and HUGS, of fellow worshipers.

The Coronavirus pandemic came at a strange time (it's never a good time) for my husband and I because we were in the midst of a move. Our closing at the real estate office was completed without a hitch...but it was just weird. No handshakes, very few people and we even got disinfected pens that were individually sealed to sign documents with.  I appreciated everyone's extra care...but like I said...weird. Now that we are in our new home, the shelter in place orders came through and I wonder if we will be hitting the top of the bell curve soon. Hopefully on the downward curve. Since we did just move, unpacking boxes and getting settled in is a top priority and keeps me busy. But lets just say I would rather blog than unpack another box.  Good thing I got my computer hooked up.

So as I look out on the bleak landscape, both figuratively and literally, I look forward to planting Spring flowers and figuring out where I am going to put tomato plants in my new yard. It will be great to watch things green up around here. HOPE springs eternal.

What activities are you doing to weather the "shelter in place" storm? I would love to hear from you! Julie Etta Smith

Finding Joy...Part 2

Apparently finding JOY is on my mind lately. In our crazy society, with all the unending stress, it would seem to me that the pursuit of joy is a pretty frequent activity for most of us- just as a matter of survival.  My last blog was on that topic and I still am immersed in a fair amount of stress with the selling of our home and the move to a new home. Granted, it's all very exciting, however, the stress sometimes robs the joy from our life. That's why I am trying to look at the proverbial silver lining and stop having the "What Ifs" from taking over my consciousness. As they say, one day at a time.....I have tried to stop worrying about "What If" they don't complete the house by the deadline? "What if" we have a blizzard on moving day? "What If" my husband or myself gets hurt or sick before the move? Well...you get the idea: I could go on and on and my mind frequently does that crazy dance.

So to help quiet those thoughts in my mind and bring back the JOY, I have been doing a combination of things...but it boils down to three main things: Praying, Journaling and Blogging. All of these things work beautifully to restore and maintain my sanity. Sometimes it's hard to find the time to Journal or Blogg, but the awesome thing about prayer is I can do it any time, anywhere and I know God is listening. Very good to know that. God has helped me out of more than one "sticky" situation, and always manages to help me climb out of a deep barrel.

I was also thinking that JOY is not just the absence of pain, it goes beyond that and paves the way for true Happiness. Perhaps all this discussion is just a matter of semantics, but it seems to be the absence of pain, emotional or physical, is COMFORT  not JOY. Comfort is a good thing, no denying there. Think of the wonderful Christmas carol: Tidings of Comfort and Joy. A wonderful blessing. Yet, there is an inner peace that comes with true joy. So how does one find that? Just like Thoreau said: "Happiness is like a Butterfly...the more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder." Henry David Thoreau

Sometimes I think I should have majored in Philosophy instead of Journalism...Yikes my brain hurts. In any case, need to take a break from all this "joy seeking" and pack another box for the big move. Thanks for listening.

Finding Joy

I am an avid list maker, to the point of obsession. It helps keep my Bi-Polar brain on track and everyone has to admit, there is a great deal of satisfaction in crossing items off your list upon completion. I always loved this meme about adding "Drink Coffee" on one's to do list. Now I have another item I would like to add to the very top of the list: Find Joy. On the surface, seems like a trivial task and there are days when...we know the ones, when it seems like an insurmountable task. Yet, when you add it to the to do's everyday, it's amazing when you not only cross it off your list, but can add tally marks for the joy you can find in every day life.

Even the seemingly littlest thing can be magnified to a truly Joyful moment in your day, especially when you are actively seeking JOY. Today I saw a black squirrel burrowing in about 5 inches of snow today. His black fur was easy to spot against the new fallen snow and he was so comical to watch because he kept popping up and down. Either burying nuts or seeking some...he was so entertaining to watch. Made me smile, and to me, that is joyful. In the craziness of everyday life, it helps heal us when we look for the joy. It helps diminish the pain and make all the not so pleasant tasks a little more bearable. Finding JOY and recognizing those things that bring us joy help to generate gratitude. Then when we are grateful, it in turn creates JOY. Its cyclical.

Today is the first day of Advent on the Christian calendar.  Advent means "coming" in Latin and as Christians we are preparing our hearts and minds for the coming of the celebration of the birth of Christ.  John the Baptist proclaimed this coming in Mark 1 2-3:  As it is written in the prophet Isaiah, "See I am sending my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way; the voice of one crying out in the wilderness: 'Prepare the way of the Lord, make his paths straight.' "
It is also the beginning of the stressful season with all those TO-DO lists that will most likely weave their way into everyone's lives these days.  Things we do to "prepare the way of the Lord.."

Set up tree...shop for gifts...prepare for Christmas party...bake cookies...plan Christmas meals...set-up guest rooms...write Christmas letter and cards..... (just to name a few)

The holiday season is different for everyone, perhaps everyone's lists have different priorities, but I believe that we could all benefit by adding Find Joy to our lists.
Yet, sometimes as Christians we forget what the beauty of the season is all about: celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Yes, it's obvious....but sometimes we need to bring back the GRATITUDE  for blessings and bring back the JOY. 

 

I personally find encouragement in seeking joy, it helps make the rough part of our journey more tolerable. So I will try to find the Joy in the every day....even if it is a little squirrel frolicking in the snow.   Julie Etta Smith

 

Moving....Again?

Hard to believe...my husband and I are moving again after only 3 years in our current location. Wow, it's so exciting, but sometimes I feel like an Army brat. Although military families probably move more frequently than this. Perhaps you could just say I am a glutton for punishment. Moving is a very stressful experience. It would be great if you could take "moving stress" and stuff it in a box, tape it up and shove it into the truck. All neat and tidy and put away...but it's not quite that simple. I have just recovered from a nasty bout of flu, brought on I'm sure by my immune system being compromised by all the stressors in my life- the "move" included. Don't get me wrong, my husband and I love the geographic area we moved to with all the beautiful lakes and woods for the start of our retirement years. However, we are just hoping to change our house that we live in to meet all our needs. My husband is a talented woodworker and the shop he has at our current location is woefully inadequate, not really a "shop" at all. In our new house, he will have a completely unfinished basement to set up an awesome shop, just the way he likes. We will be moving only 20 miles from our current location, and probably won't move until early spring. It's kind of exciting that we are having a house built. Really exciting but LOTS of decisions to be made.

Me stressed? Nah....I've done this so many times before.

According to a study conducted by the United States Census Bureau, the average person will move  11.7 times in their lifetime. Over the course of a lifetime, perhaps 11 times does not seem like too much. Especially when you factor in trips to college and back home every summer, I guess that would count as "moving".  I counted the moves in my lifetime and it already comes to about 21, so I guess that is about double the "average". You think I would get used to it by now, and efficient at the process...maybe, but its still stressful.

Speaking of the stress of moving, to help diminish the stress and help clarify things in my own mind; I am doing my favorite activity: writing. It's a little healthier than drinking, which is a close second for stress reduction. I still pursue the joy of libations, depends on the day. Yet writing still is incredibly therapeutic for me...so here I am at the keyboard again.

In any case, when we moved 3 years ago I blogged about it. I dug out one of my old blogs on the subject that I had written just prior to our move. I discovered that I was incredibly distraught at the time because I had not completed the book based on my Grandmother's diaries. Fear not, after all the craziness of the move, I did settle in and complete the book. My relatives who knew and loved my Grandmother as I do, were pleased that the book is a fitting remembrance of my Grandmother. I am so glad that I was able to accomplish that task for my family. Hopefully, I can continue to pursue my writing and "keep on plugging", I do have another book in the works. I will survive this move as well and perhaps even complete the book "in progress".

 In helping us to cope with the changes in our life, I have found comfort in the observation that change is inevitable and we might as well expect it. The Greek philosopher Heraclitus said it best: "Change is the only Constant in Life"  If we know that change is bound to occur, then it's easier to meet the changes with an open mind and a spirit of discovery, instead of cocooning and shutting ourselves to the possibility of new experiences. So here's to dealing with change...wish me luck!  Julie Etta Smith

Body Image-taking a Leap of Faith

Photo by: Aleksander Antonijevic

This morning as I slipped on some exercise pants for my work out at the gym I noticed something that brought a chuckle to my day. On the tag of my pants it said "Danskin".  Most of my exercise clothes are generic or old t-shirts, but I do have a few nice ones. I remember an old commercial for Danskin: "Danskins are for dancing". Now I'm assuming the company meant to inspire anyone to get off the couch and start dancing. Preferably a dance suitable to an accomplished ballerina. And if you wear Danskin clothing you will look like a ballerina with the sculptured muscular legs to go with it. Nothing against Danskin, they are just trying to sell leotards, tights and leggings, but one can't help but get these certain images in your brain about how a healthy body is "supposed" to look. It's my understanding that they changed their slogan to "Danskin's are not just for dance." Also, now it's called "activewear", for just about any and all forms of "active living". Although I will say, I can't see myself going to the grocery store or walking a dog wearing leggings and a tank top. I know, it's been done....to each his own.

 So getting to the chuckle that was brought to my day.... as I slipped on the exercise pants, when I saw the Danskin label I thought of myself as a pretty Portly Ballerina. Now I was being gentle with myself- I didn't say a FAT ballerina; I was so kind to use the euphemism "portly".  Then it brought a smile to my face when I realized what I would look like trying to attempt ballet. Yet, I dressed, went to the gym and felt strangely empowered by being thankful for what my body CAN do, not dwelling on the things I CAN'T do. I also try very hard to focus on what my body can do, not what it looks like. Yes, my legs are fat, my knees hurt....but my legs still work, and my knees bend. Perhaps it takes me longer to climb a flight of stairs than it did a few years back, but by golly I can still do it.
 3 Cheers for Julie.  Yes, I want to stress the importance of being your own cheering section.

Now perhaps I have a biased opinion, because I never took ballet. Yet I hold in high regard the beauty of the art form of dance and am always amazed how an accomplished dancer, ballet and other forms of dance, can discipline their bodies to perform incredible athletic feats. Truly an inspiration. I did however take a one semester course in Jazz Dancing. Oh my gosh. What an incredibly fun class. I thoroughly enjoyed it, but never did get the full routine down pat. As I said previously, not a good dancer. I remember to this day it was to Chaka Khan's "I Feel for you"....great song. Click on this link to hear that good ol' song and I think you will agree, it's very "danceable:
 https://youtu.be/hX9E44mClKs  In the class, there were many fancy dance steps and motions, in many different sequences.  Even if I "messed up" several times, it was so great just becoming immersed in the dance and moving your body to the music. Isn't that the point of dancing? That's why I always have music to move me at the gym. Helps motivate me.

So on that playlist from my MP3 player I use at the gym, many of the songs help me to rise above "body image" and work to keep the body I have healthier and happy.   In terms of female body image and empowerment, Meghan Trainor has many songs to inspire. One of my favorite lines is from  "All About that Bass" : several lines encourage loving the body we have: Meghan sings: " Yeah, it's pretty clear, I ain't no size two....I see the magazines working that Photoshop. We know that shit ain't real. Come on now, make it stop...Cause every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top."
Thanks Meghan.

So I guess I can't stress enough, both to myself and to many others bombarded by images of what the perfect body should be. Love and take care of the body you are in because it is the only body you are given. Be good to yourself and thank the Good Lord for the goodness within you.

Julie E. Smith

People or Places...What triggers the Memory most?

My Alma Mater: TRHS- Des Moines,IA

I used to think that is was shallow minded to have many of one's fondest memories be wrapped in  a favorite place or building (one's old high school for example) After all, the building or locale is only an object and not a living breathing organism...shouldn't it be people that we share our lives with that create those treasured memories? Yet, recently I have been revising my thinking on this. I believe it's a mistake to separate the two and think of them as exclusive categories.  They often feed on each other and serve to cement those memories for us. A childhood home, or your old high school, triggers memories, probably both good and bad of your growing up experiences. Which in turn triggers memories of those people who shared events within our childhood. In that respect, the building or place has served it's purpose in connecting us to the people of those particular memories.

Yet, in someways the special building or place can evoke memories that stand alone-devoid of any connections to other people in your life. Perhaps those places serve a purpose in our memory in and of themselves. They help to provide a highly personal collection of memories that is exclusively our own, ours and ours alone. An example I'm thinking of from my child hood is a special place I used to go near my Grandmother's house. I used to "escape" there to be alone with my thoughts and also to reconnect with nature. It was in the nearby woods, close enough to the road so I wouldn't feel lost, but nestled in the trees so I could feel alone. There was a huge slab of stone, quite comfortable to sit upon. I dubbed it my "thinking rock". Whenever we went to visit, I sought it out to have some precious "Me time".

Taking the opportunity to relive and cherish happy times is good for the soul.  Conversely, as a matter of self-preservation, hurtful memories are delegated to the darkest corners of our mind. Sometimes they are frequently meant to stay there, because sometimes they are better suppressed.  We can continue to cope and move forward without them being on the forefront of our consciousness.

"Sometimes,  I guess there just aren't enough rocks"

 Some things can't be "resolved"  other than to just put them on a shelf. Then sometimes the sadness, anger or fear is brought forth and triggered by a specific place. One of the best example of suppressing memories in this manner is beautifully illustrated in the film Forest Gump.  Jenny had come back to visit Forest and as they were strolling came upon her abandoned childhood home. Living in that home with an abusive father, her face clouded over, then turned to anger. She began hurling stones and breaking the last of the remaining window glass. It is one of the most powerful, telling scenes in the whole movie. As she dissolves in tears, Forest comforts her the only way he can by saying: " Sometimes I guess there just aren't enough rocks." Simplistic in nature on the surface, Forest had it spot on by revealing that sometimes in our psyche, injuries can't be healed but only fade to a distant memory.

The discussion about what triggers the memory most, people or places, can be revised very quickly when one finds out that it is not the sense of sight that is the strongest sense for triggering memory. Out of all of our 5 senses, scientists have confirmed that the sense of smell is the strongest for memory recall.  Here is a ranking, that is generally agreed upon in the scientific community, of how our five senses rate in assisting us with our memory recall.

1. Smell - Certain smells can trigger vivid memories almost instantaneously.
2. Taste - Taste is closely linked to smell, so it also has a powerful connection to memory, 
3. Touch -  Textures and certain feelings can bring out old memories.
4. Sight- Most people consider this the most important sense, however it does not rank high on the list for triggering memory.
5. Sound - I found this very ironic that sound is the least important sense for recalling memories. Hard to believe when I think of all my favorite music from my high school and college days. Maybe this ranking is different for different people (?)

According to several neuroscientist's theories, memories fad with time to be replaced by more recent memories. Memories that have have deemed worthy of retaining can usually be kept if "re-visited" and brought to the forefront of our thinking. I love to scrapbook family photographs and it's a perfect way for me to keep those memories alive and exercising my brain. Not only is it a good way to recollect events, but serves as a good reference point when random questions arise....."What year did we go to Maine?"

 It's interesting though that memories are frequently revised and embellished, sometimes we only remember what we want to remember. Again it's the old self-preservation of the psyche, wanting to protect one's self. Who can blame you?
 
 However memories are triggered for you, they are an important part of what defines us as a person and helps to keep us mentally happy and healthy. Whatever form they take: a building, a photograph, the scent of your aunt's favorite casserole, just cherish them and let them be refreshed now and then so they don't become lost in a dusty, remote corner of the psyche. Bring on the nostalgia, it's good for the soul. JES

Is there anybody out there?

"Hey You! Out there in the cold. Getting lonely, getting old. Can you feel me?.....Don't help them to bury the light.  Don't give in without a fight."
                                                                         Pink Floyd, The Wall-1979

Strains of this classic Pink Floyd song have been going through my head as it seems so appropriate for my situation currently. I'm feeling lonely, old and in the dark...with respect to my writing anyway. I have been blogging for close to four years. I have certainly had my share of ups and downs and victories. Several of my articles have found publication beyond the boundaries of my blog. Which of course is a good thing. Yet, I am almost at the point of "throwing in the towel" and giving up. Although in the words of Pink Floyd: Don't give in without a fight.

So that is what I am here to do : fight and speak up for what I feel are injustices and things that can't possibly be just a "random series of events."  I do want to fight, I don't want to give up, so I am writing this particular blog to provide a confession of sorts, and a cleansing that....well... if nothing else it will clarify in my own mind events that happened in the wonderful world of blogging.  Besides, any good therapist will tell you it's not healthy to keep things bottled up inside.

When I first started blogging I only had one blog: this one. Then when I realized the volume of material I was generating and the diversity of topics I decided to open another blog with WordPress: travelingamericablog.com As per the title, it is about travel in the USA. I have had so much fun writing all the features and I still kept up with BOTH blogs on a variety of topics, but I always funneled the travel features to the WordPress blog. My followers grew and grew and I believe the more features I wrote, I also grew as a writer. When the number of my followers exceeded 200, I decided to try my hand at advertising on my blog and perhaps I could earn a few coins for my efforts. That's where the "fun" begins. 

 When I made the decision to allow advertising on my blog, I had exactly 217 followers and  I had formatted the blog to make it very user friendly. I occasionally got comments, and I like to think folks used my site to get travel information if they were considering a specific location. After accepting advertising on my site, I went several weeks without posting anything....then as soon as I did post an article, my followers dropped from 217 to 20 within two days!!  How could 197 people decide within  a 2 day period that they didn't like my articles?! It almost didn't seems possible! I accredit it to people not liking the new advertising aspect of my blog. In any case, I had an extensive dialogue with the "chat" feature from the folks at WordPress, trying so VERY hard to see if we could figure out what happened. WordPress refused to accept the notion that my followers left because of the advertising, but what else could it be? Did 197 people suddenly think my writing was crap? Whatever the case, I ended up feeling dejected, frustrated and a failure in the blogging world.

I still don't know what happened but I sometimes feel as if nobody is out there....won't anybody at least say HI!?  It would be nice to know that I am just not banging on these keys and all my words are drifting into the "cloud" never to be seen again by mortal man. **SIGH**

Writing is an art...and all artists suffer for their art.  So here I am again. It never is good to keep all that anger bottled up inside. Look at all the paintings  with anger splashed on the canvas. Look at angry music throughout the decades. Writing is no different; as a writer it feels good to spill that anger out. So without sounding too crass...  **ck the World, I'm going to keep on writing till I die.  JES

Courage: Going beyond your Comfort Zone

Take the first steps....

I have heard that personal growth and achievement can truly happen when a person goes beyond their “comfort zone” and does something out of character to really “shake things up”. Now this is hard to do because complacency is just so well…comfortable.  In my years of writing I have never written (in a public format anyway) about my own struggles with depression and bi-polar disorder. 

Yet, in light of the current changing social fabric, there exists a real need to change our attitudes about mental health issues. We need to stress the importance of free discussions about these health concerns.  It truly is a public health issue, not a “private concern” to be kept behind closed doors. If a mental health concern only affected the person afflicted, then yes, it could remain private, but all too often it affects family and others in the community.  My hope in having open discussions on this topic is that it will help others to be more willing to change and perhaps lead us all towards helpful, viable solutions. If nothing else, I hope people can become more open about discussing mental health issues.

I was prompted to write this after viewing a PBS special entitled: “God Knows where I am.”  It is the true story of a well-educated New Hampshire woman who was diagnosed with severe Bi-Polar disorder and psychosis. She received psychiatric care and had several family members working to help her cope with her illness. After years of fluctuating results in her progress, she had made the decision to refuse treatment and any medications. She secured a voluntary release from the hospital and with her new found freedom consciously adopted a homeless lifestyle.

She had left the hospital in early October and was able to find shelter in an abandoned farmhouse, not too far from a main road. There were orchards nearby and she collected apples to store up before the snows of winter hit. She kept an accurate journal of all her thoughts and how she would ration all the apples. She took a bucket and melted snow for drinking water. Even though she was free from the constraints of a hospital, she imprisoned herself in the abandoned farmhouse until she starved to death. This was a very powerful program that brings up many important issues about society’s treatment of the mentally ill and displaced. A panel after the program brought forward many of the problems of both the medical and legal communities in dealing with these issues. Patient rights have to be addressed and this issue was commented on by Carol Bernstein, with the American Psychiatric Association. She states: 

  

“These are disorders that affect how people think and how they observe things and how they understand things. When that abuts up against the issue of somebody’s rights of who they are and where they are…..we have a conflict in society.”

Recognizing and pin pointing these issues in dealing with mental illness is the first step in finding viable solutions and quality care.

My story has a much happier outcome than that of Linda Bishop. My illness first surfaced as post-partum depression and then I was later diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder. I was fortunate in that I received good care and had a wonderful family that supported me throughout. My illness was not quite as intense, profound or long-lasting as hers. I remember on several occasions my psychiatrist telling me: “Not to worry, you basically have Baby Bi-Polar”. I guess every mental illness can have varying degrees and levels, just as there are so many differing personalities.

Yet, the important thing to remember is that it is a silent disease, with no outward visible signs of suffering. Therefore, to help each other we HAVE to learn to talk about mental illness and take away the shame. It’s probably more prevalent then we realize.

It’s therapeutic for me to talk (and write) about my own struggles.  Perhaps this opens the door for me (and others I hope) to begin discussions on the topic. I hope this helps myself and others to go beyond the “comfort zone” and open our eyes to new growth.