Thursday, November 10, 2016

The over-looked & underated Stress: Moving

Packing...Painting....Packing even more..Selling...Moving.  It is a very stressful experience for  individuals, marriages and families.  It really should be considered as a premium stressful life situation. Yet according to most psychiatrists it is pretty low on the scale of stressors. Of course it depends on the individual, but I am here to say, never underestimate the incredible emotional energy that a move takes.
Photo from: pchmovers.com
 According to the Holmes and Rahe stress scale,  a scale for factors to determine levels of stress of life events, moving falls way down on the list at #28, out of 43 factors selected for level of stress.  Granted, this scale of stress factors was originally compiled in 1967, but has been tested and validated since then. Most of the top ten reasons, a reasonable person would agree with, include: death of a spouse, divorce, loss of job. Yet, it surprises me that moving is not weighted more heavily.  Perhaps I am just one of those persons that doesn't deal with a major life change. Nevertheless, I bet I am not alone in feeling this way.  Keeping your sanity in the midst of a move is a challenge...maybe that's why I write about it.

 I have experienced the death of a parent, a divorce, several depressive episodes, post-partum depression and several moves in my lifetime...but I still think one of the highest level of stress comes from moving. Of course it depends upon the individuals, but the impact that a move places on people can be so stressful for a multitude of reasons.

First, there is deciding where you are moving to.  Now if this has been decided by your employer, then that decision has already been simplified. Once the decision has been made to go where the job is, that hurdle has been cleared. In my case, my husband and I chose to move after he retired, so the world is an "open book"...we are free to chose wherever we would like.   It's not that we haven't tried to make a decision....Good Lord, we have been visiting places and doing research on the topic for at least 5 years.  Happily, we found an area in Wisconsin that we really like and is what we are looking for.  Not an exact house, but an area that we like. Of course it is the proverbial "we"....it is a challenge to find a place, a community and a house we both will be happy with.

Then of course, comes the selling of our house and all the prep work to get it "market ready".  All those interesting colors we picked over the years-now reverted to "re-sell" white. (technically "Linen white"...a soft lovely color)  Kind of sad sometimes.  I remember when we painted my kitchen a pretty pumpkin orange color.  My oldest son said, "Gee , Mom-that's great , but what do you do after Halloween?"  Funny.  So we work, clean, paint and pack. Also the elimination of what realtors call "clutter" is sometimes an emotional and monumental task.  I am not a "hoarder" by any means, but some items I have are memories, not just a tangible thing.  While cleaning out my desk I came across my Grandmother's diaries that were willed to me by her because I am a writer. She thought I could create something interesting from within the pages of her life experiences. Thinking that her diaries have sat in my desk for almost 27 years overwhelmed me with grief and the guilt that I have not created something to honor her memory. She died soon after I gave birth to the great-grand son that she never held in her arms.  Looking through her diaries, I cried out of grief and also the memories that came flooding back from my own depression.  I am so sorry Grandma....but I know somehow I know she would understand.  My life in the next 27 years (and beyond) will probably be vastly different and that book may get written yet. A revelation such as this allows you to purge the things in your life that are no longer important and you realize the things in your life that you need to hang on to--both physically and emotionally.

So as I start this process, I am learning specific ways to handle the stress of a move.  I hope to instill that knowledge, Dear Readers, in my next blog: "Top Ten ways to Manage the Stress of a Move".
That is if I can find time to write in between packing and traveling to go house hunting. This may be stressful but in the same token...very exciting! Wish us luck.


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