A Writer's Agony: "I'm NOT going to be Ignored!"

In the 1987 film Fatal Attraction, Michael Douglas has a happy life with a successful career and a lovely wife until things get complicated when he has a steamy affair with Glenn Close.  Douglas wants the fling to be just a fling and tries to sever the relationship, but Close will hear nothing of that. She wants him all to herself and begins stalking him and his family with the intention of getting what she wants. It's an unsettling movie that really reflects the darker side of obsessive behaviors and the creepier side of "love gone wrong".  

 There's an image in that movie keeps coming back to me when I obsess a little too much about hearing back from an editor: a trauma that any writer can relate to. In the movie, Glenn Close is getting deeper and deeper into her obsession and doing nastier things then just calling and hanging up.

The scene that comes to mind is Close approaching Douglas with a knife in hand. Her argument with him comes to a boiling point and she declares: "I'm  NOT going to be ignored!", while at the same time psychotically digging the knife repeatedly into her own leg while walking towards him. Yikes, I know....pretty gruesome, but it does get your attention and it got his attention.

Now I would not take a knife to my leg in frustration from being ignored, but sometimes my frustration from not hearing back from an editor makes me go a little bit crazy. Not that crazy, but frustrated and depressed.  All my insecurities surface and my mind keeps going back to the article that is "waiting" for approval.  In some twisted way this vision of Glenn Close digging a knife into her leg has helped me to overcome (or at least diminish) my obsession with waiting to hear from an editor. Checking my email about 20 times a day will not magically make that editor contact me. Metaphorically digging the knife into my leg is very counterproductive.

 I have learned to laugh at myself and my obsession and try...so very hard to move forward.  I tell myself to start writing the next best thing instead of waiting and waiting for the disposition of that article. Sometimes when I am waiting to hear back about any writing assignment, it is kind of like being on a hold with a company listening to elevator music.....Ugh. Patience is a virtue but sometimes hard to come by.

Perhaps some of this need for quick response time has been generated, in part anyway, by the instantaneous communication of todays world. Texts, tweets, Facebook, instagram and email...pick your poison. Have many times have you heard, or said it yourself: "Didn't you get my text?" (or email) People's expectations regarding inter communications have definitely changed in a myriad of ways, including how quickly we respond.

People close to me (Husband and sons) keep telling me that perhaps I should not have such stringent time frames about people responding to me. "Don't worry....she will get back with you, she's busy...." Yeah, maybe...but it still drives me crazy.  I have to just keep plugging away and remember to....Drop the Knife. Metaphorically, that is.

And So the Migration Begins....

I never really thought of myself as an avid "birder", bird watcher that is...until I moved to a home on a lake that happens to be situated on a migration flyway. (Central U.S./Mississippi Flyway) Not only have I seen so many different types of birds here, I now am seeing birds I have never, ever seen. As the chill in the air brings an omen of wintry days to come, many birds are on their way through to warmer climates with a brief stop at our lake for a rest and a bite to eat.  I couldn't be happier to let them stop by and I have developed the habit of having my camera ready to capture their image, if I'm stealth enough.

Common Merganser

My most recent "capture" is a water bird I identified (with my trusty Peterson Field Guide) as a Common Merganser. These Ladies (all identified as female) hung out on our dock all afternoon. Kind of pretty coloring and if you were to just glance you might think they were "just a group of Mallards", the males do have green heads. Sometimes it is better to take a second look to realize what you are seeing.

So I have enjoyed for months the beauty of the Loons that are on our lake.  I know they migrate, so they soon will be leaving us. Try as I might, the Loon is a creature that is hard to photograph, rather elusive.I rise to the challenge and keep trying for that perfect Loon picture.  I will soon have to postpone that challenge till March.

In the mean time, the flurry of birds "just passing through" are interesting to try to identify. I had pretty good success with the Merganser, but there are an amazing number of water birds that are really hard to identify. Grebes, Coots, Loons and Gallinules come in a variety of types.  If not familiar with these, it seems like I am hurling insults at you...You old Coot. Doesn't "Grebe" sound like an insult?

American Coot? (Can anybody confirm that?)

Unique names for some commonly found birds, but very unique to watch. Here is a photo of some birds that I believe to be American Coots. Any guesses out there on this photo? That is as close as I could get.

Many of these birds that I have captured in a photo, will probably winter here and I will continue to provide suet and seed for them.  It is a small price to pay for me to enjoy watching them and brightening up my yard. Additionally, my cats, love to sit and watch their activity as well. Not to fear, bird lovers....they are exclusively indoor cats and would not be allowed outside to hunt.

American Goldfinch

I have seen the usual finches, wrens and nuthatches at the feeder. In addition to those I have seen a Baltimore Oriole, Goldfinch and I have a few resident Bluejays that I see almost every day.  If I don't see them, I hear them.  Bluejays are one of the few birds that I definitely know their call, or shall I say screech. Even though considered the "bullies" of the bird world, I think Bluejays are so pretty.

Pileated Woodpecker

The latest visitor to my suet feeder was quite a surprise and really startled me to have such a huge bird right in front of my window: a Pileated Woodpecker.  These are the fellows that get quite large, and the one I saw was probably a young one. He has his full colorization, but as far as Pileated woodpeckers go, he was on the smaller side.  They grow to be almost 20" high and have a huge wingspan. Their adult size is compared to a large crow. This fellow pictured here has come to my feeder several times for the suet. Perhaps it will help with a growth spurt for him, he still is quite an impressive size already...good start!  Next time he comes I hope to get a better photograph, but here is what I happen to capture on my cell phone.

 So with my trusty bird book I continue to correctly identify most of the birds I happen to see.. It's kind of fun to look them up when you spot them.  I also found an additional web-site that is fun to browse thru and they even have audio to help you identify a bird call. I personally have fun listening to the Loons...what a unique and haunting sound. The link can be found at: www.allaboutbirds.org The site is managed by The Cornell Lab of Ornithology (Ithaca, New York) and contains a wealth of tips and photos.  They also have an amazing amount of information to assist with bird identification and the interesting hobby of "birding". One can always learn something new with this hobby because as this site states there are over 800 species of birds in the US and Canada.

Common Loon

I am determined to get some better Loon pictures before they migrate...but I may have to wait till spring. Time will tell, but here's a few that I captured early summer. So grab your binoculars and a camera and enjoy the flight of of our feathered friends.

 

My Fellow Bird Watchers......

Compass Choices: Finding the Moral Compass

There is so much talk of late, including concerns of our current President's "Moral Compass", that one can't help but wonder what people mean when they banter about that phrase. Or if they say something to the effect: "Well he's lost his way...he has lost his moral compass."  People have also continued with the directional analogy and say that individuals have taken a "wrong path" in life. Which begs the question: which path is right and which is wrong?

Yet the thing that really makes me scratch my head in wonderment is who exactly determines the parameters of our moral compasses? Obviously what is well within the realm of respectability and a "moral code" for one person would be completely unheard of by another. In this crazy world we live in, just how does one define and live by their own moral code and follow their own compass while still living comfortably in society and not being considered an outcast if they "go too far"?
 Cue Aerosmith:
"You talk about things that nobody cares
You're wearing out things that nobody wears
You're calling my name but I gotta make clear
I can't say baby where I'll be in a year.....
When I pulled into town in a police car
Your daddy said I took it just a little too far. " (Aerosmith, Steven Tyler,1975)

So the topic of  morality can be woven throughout many of the lyrics of rock and roll.  Lord knows I heard lots of interesting notions throughout my teen years and beyond.  The power of music still packs a punch no matter what the genre. Music and morality...now there is a topic for another day. So back to the compass....steer me in the "right" direction.

Our very first set of ethics and morals, of course, are given to us by our parents and/or the people that raised us as children.  Parents and mentors do their best to instill what they believe is the "correct" moral compass. Throughout our lives, that compass can be subject to changing directions, but generally what our parents have instilled within us, usually stays with us.

Religion would be the next major thrust in the effort to provide a moral compass to follow. Throughout time the church has been a compass guiding the masses as to what is considered proper behavior for societal standards. But the all encompassing definition of "the church" has splintered.  Look at how it started with Martin Luther in 1517 with the "95 Theses" nailed to the church door, attacking some of the traditional practices of the Catholic Church.  It was only the beginning of the questioning of authority. Perhaps Martin Luther paved the way, but throughout time the freedom to question authority and possibly instigate change has evolved and regressed....depending on the subject matter of what you are trying to change.  With religious freedom, comes the freedom of choice, and many individuals choose not to follow a particular religious denomination...if any. So if religion does not set the standards, for some, than how are the morals and standards established to assure that civilization can carry on without complete and utter anarchy? That leads to the concept of legislation and begs the question: Can you legislate morality? I guess the answer to that would be YES and NO.

In tackling that question, one only needs to look at contemporary issues that have been addressed by law, where an issue of morality is involved.  Issues that have been perceived by the public as a "right" and "wrong" side to them.  The legality of abortion is a perfect example. Even though legalized with Roe v. Wade in 1973, the Pro Choice and the Pro Life campaigns still are divisive on the issue. Both schools have thought bring a "moral code" to bear in the discussion and depending on how extreme each feels about the issue, they have a really hard time seeing any relevant points on the other side.

Another issue that is fraught with controversy and a moral dilemma is end of life choices. With respect to euthanasia and "assisted suicide", several cases have been tried in the Supreme Court because legislation still varies from state to state. Decisions like these are always tough, but it is even more complicated to try to legislate the decisions. Try as they will, law makers can't take out the moral choices that must be made in such decisions.  It is easier to legislate that you must stop at a stop sign in your car. No one will argue with the benefit to society for such a decision.  

So many tough decisions in life as we guide our journey with the help of our "moral compass." I leave you with a another cultural reference to the hard choices we have to make....Choose wisely.

Raiders of the Lost Ark~ 1981

Friends for a Lifetime

"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart." Eleanor Roosevelt
I have been reflecting lately on friendships, both the ones I have had for years and new friends I am now making these last few months. In light of recent changes in my life, many of my relationships have changed.  Sometimes life changes open our eyes to ideas and new concepts...both the good things and some not so easy to adjust to.

After our recent move out of state, my husband and I are loving our new life; making adjustments to our new life style.  Things are all quite well and good, but my only complaint is missing my female friends: my girlfriends. Now some will say that after a certain age women should stop referring to their friends as girlfriends, it just seems juvenile, some might say.  Well I am of the opinion that certain acquaintances are just acquaintances, but others are elevated to status of being a close friend...a girlfriend. When I am 90 years old I hope to have girlfriends.  The importance of girlfriends in women's lives should not be underestimated.  A favorite author of mine, Anna Quindlen, speaks to this topic:
            "Ask any woman how she makes it through the day, and she may mention her calendar, her to-do lists, her babysitter. But if you push on how she really makes it through her day, or, more important, her months and years, how she stays steady when things get rocky, who she calls when the doctor says "I'd like to run a few more tests" or when her son moves in with the girl she's never much liked or trusted, she won't mention any of those things. She will mention her girlfriends."
                (From Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake, Anna Quindlen)

Girlfriends! Never underestimate their value.

Just reading that paragraph gets me choked up because it makes me realize the support I have had from my girlfriends through the years and now we live, what feels anyway, so far apart.  I am making new friends with new activities, but we don't share the history and the same emotional depth that I had created with the women that I have known for 25 years.

I spoke with my Mom on this topic and as usual she has some sage advice on the topic. She brought me to the realization that I will never be able to replace the friendships of the women that I moved away from....they stand alone as unique relationships that I can always cherish, in their own right.  My relationships with them were created when we were all raising our children together, having those same commonalities. After the kids moved on...we still enjoyed many of the same things and shared wonderful histories always peppered with stories of: "Do you remember the time when..."
Now that I have accepted the fact that I will never "replace" my friends with new ones in my new area, I can move forward knowing that new relationships I develop with friends will be different. New girlfriends will be based on new adventures in my life that have yet to be determined. I will not be going back in time to when I was raising my boys, so the events that connect me to other possible girlfriends will be different. Yet in the same token, new friends would never take away from the memories and the joy of the relationships I have shared in the past. With each relationship we learn and grow....just adding another chapter to the book of our lives.

I will always hold in my heart, the wonderful relationships and memories of the women in my life.  We will see each other again, of course, but not as frequently, because of the miles between us. There are certain friends that even if you don't see them very often, the bond is always there. You just simply "take up where you left off".  The people that you know like that in life are such a valuable source of joy....treasure and nurture those relationships.

To treasure, always...wherever you may live. JES

Author's note: Just returned from a visit with my terrific girlfriends & so true...they will always have a place in my heart & in my life.

Planting the Seeds

Planting the Seeds

Today’s sermon was truly an inspiration. It gave me a lot of food for thought and I guess that’s what a good sermon is supposed to do. It made me realize that we may not see the immediate outcomes of our actions, but we can only make a difference in this world by planting the seeds. Granted, this we may already know, but we frequently need to be encouraged to act on what we already know  we are supposed to do. Pastor Barry stated:

“We may never see the Harvest of what we’ve planted. We may never see the fruits of our labors but if we don’t plant the seeds there won’t be a Harvest.  We’re simply called to sow and plant the seeds of faith, hope and encouragement.”

Sometimes the concepts of planting the seeds is never more evident than with both parents and teachers. Teachers may never realize the incredible impact they have on their students…the Harvest may never be realized or seen, but the impact is there. Yet, that does not mean teachers stop teaching, or parents set aside their concerns for their children just because they don’t see the “end result”. The impact of sowing the seeds of faith , hope and encouragement are there, whether the sower sees the fruits of their labor or not.

I think back to my years as a day care provider. I watched several children over the course of about a 10 year period. All the children had loving parents, including a little boy named Michael. I watched Michael for about 2 years at very important stages of his growth.  He was a little slow to walk but I encouraged him and he also shared the household with my other 3 rambunctious boys.  Michael was encouraged to walk just to keep up with the other guys! Michael was an only child and I think he really loved all the fun and attention he received at our house. He used to call out to me when building blocks or other projects that he wanted me to see: “Juuiee Watch! Juuiee!” He couldn’t quite pronounce his L’s yet, so I became Juuiee.  It was very endearing to me.   Last I heard, Michael was in high school and doing very well.  Time gets away from us and I have lost touch with the family, however I like to think I was a positive influence in Michael’s life.

We may never know the impact of our actions, either negative or positive, but sowing the seeds of encouragement improve the odds greatly for a bountiful Harvest.

Remember the might of the lowly mustard seed:

“God’s kingdom is like a mustard seed that a man plants in his field.  It is the smallest of all seeds. But when it grows, it is the largest of all garden plants. It becomes a tree big enough for the birds to come and make nests in its branches.” Matthew 13:31

Blessings to Count

3 of my most favorite Blessings

When one goes through a major life change and the routines of life have been mixed up, flip- flopped and sometimes become unrecognizable there is a wonderful thing that occurs to bring us back to earth.  It is what happens when we count our blessings and not dwell on what we don't have.  Sometimes the very things we lack, brings us to a broader understanding of those things and talents that we DO possess thereby allowing us to open our eyes to what is in front of us and with us in our lives.

When my husband and I recently moved out of state as "Empty Nestor's", this concept of recognizing our Blessings became very apparent as we have been meeting new neighbors, friends and favorite folks that help in the community (I found a new hairstylist that I trust, every woman knows the importance of that) When you first meet someone, usually they start with your employment status and then also ask about family.  We have 3 wonderful sons that live in separate very exciting locations, although they all live quite far from us. No grandchildren yet.  I am frequently asked that question. I don't mind that question, but I sometimes I am a tad envious of the joys that I hear about grandchildren.  Perhaps someday for us, perhaps not. What I focus on now is the beautiful blessings and joys I share with both my immediate family, extended family and my friends. The fact that my boys live so far away is distressing and I really miss them, but the silver lining is the fact that we have really fun places to go visit: Sunny San Diego, Breathtaking Alaska landscapes and the anchor of Americana culture: Dallas Texas. (I might add that Dallas has some of the best BBQ around!) We have had the wonderful fortune of visiting all of these locales and always look forward to seeing our boys again and "seeing the sights".

So another topic that comes up when you first meet people, is "Oh...so what do you do?" Or sometimes people just assume that since my husband retired, I am retired. Not the case. I believe my husband is enjoying his retirement so far, and we have had so many adventures together...and the Good Lord willing, many more.  Yet, it is frustrating sometimes for me because I am not ready to "retire".  I worked part-time for years and can now focus on my writing more. That is a good feeling. I recently accepted a part-time writing position so I hope I can do that and keep blogging.  Time will tell. But in the vein of this particular blog, I do count my blessings that I am able to continue with my writing, blogging and photography. When we first moved, we had a terrible time getting our internet to work, how can I be a blogger without internet!! GHEEZ and #!*?!*#*#!: HOLY COW...don't even get me started on that.  That is a whole other topic for a different day.  Nevertheless, we got it fixed (knock on wood). So again, I count my Blessings and I truly appreciate my Husband's patience and wisdom with computer troubles.  He frequently declares the adage of a wise man; "Happy Wife, Happy Life."

I also have had some frustration finding a writing group that is a good match.  There are as many different types of groups as there are writing styles. **Sigh** Time will tell, but again I count my blessings because I am afforded the opportunity to learn more about my new community. Again count those blessings.

Another blessing about our new community that really makes us feel truly blessed, is we found a new church to call our new church home. We really feel welcome there and it has been a wonderful way to learn about the community, worship and meet new folks who are rapidly becoming our church family. Again, count those blessings.

I have heard that if you have trouble sleeping...instead of counting sheep, count your blessings and you'll soon go fast asleep.  So what are the blessings in your life? Do Tell...Trust me it feels good to count them.

Part 3: Moving Saga, We Survived!

So I am happy to report that we survived the move and I am typing happily in my new office. Still surrounded by unpacked boxes, but the essentials are here: an internet connection, a working coffee pot and a place to rest my head at the end of the day. *Sigh* So very good to be home.

So this is the last I plan on writing about moving.  Yes, it was stressful...but perhaps not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.  One thing I did learn is that everyone has as many different concerns and stresses about moving as there are different families. I happen to be little obsessed about the welfare of my cats ( I have 3), but it all worked out.  I learned to be flexible in that respect.  I had a plan to shut them in a particular room...but that plan must have been revised at least 4 or 5 times.  It all worked out and we managed to retain all 3 cats...no one escaped. Whew.

 Another concept that can be incredibly helpful is the idea of "re-purposing" items in your new home.  An end table is not always just an end table, or relegated to a certain room. Therein lies the dilemma where you put things and as by Husband and I are finding out...sometimes things just "gotta go".  Finding charitable organizations in your new area is helpful, perhaps someone else can make use of what does not work out in your new home.

The physical process of moving was not as bad as I envisioned.  Yes, it does take a toll on one...it is hard work.  However, what is harder is the emotional aspect.  I am so incredibly excited to embark on adventures in my new area, but I sometimes feel a pang of emptiness when I think of the friends that I won't be seeing on a regular basis.  We are a 6 hour drive apart, not too far...but far enough that we won't be meeting for lunch dates every other week.  I will meet new friends here, but my old friends are golden.  When I was in Girl Scouts, we sang a rather clique song, but it still rings true:

"Make New Friends, but keep the Old...

One is Silver and the other Gold."

So I look forward to new writing adventures...anyone have any moving "war stories" to share?

Top Ten ways to Manage the Stress of a Move

Moving, either across town or across the country, is an incredibly stress-full life circumstance.  Pulling up stakes and moving is not only physically demanding but usually involves several emotional factors as well. When in the midst of it all the absolute most important thing to remember is there will be stress, no matter how great an organizer and champion planner you may be....it is inevitable.  Knowing that and accepting that is half the battle.  How one chooses to deal with that stress can help make your move an exciting life change and not a burden. I am probably about average with the amount of times I have moved in my lifetime.  If you count all the moves when I was young and my Dad was transferred, all the moves back and forth during my college days, I have moved approximately 22 times. If you are from a Military family, that number is probably easily doubled. I imagine that every time you move you get more proficient at it, which helps make it less stressful, but nevertheless some pointers can be helpful.  So here is my list of  Top Ten ways to Manage the Stress of a Move.  Much of it from my own experience, and several ideas from a great book I found: "Right Size...Right Now! The 8-Week Plan to organize, Declutter, and Make any Move Stress-Free." by Regina Leeds

STRESS FREE MOVING... TOP TEN TIPS:

1.  Most important item: Self-Care. Be gentle with yourself & remember that things won't get done if you become ill. Take the time to do something special for yourself during all the chaos. The rejuvenating wonder of a mani/pedi is fantastic.
2. When getting your house "Market Ready"- try to view it thru the eyes of the buyer. Look at houses on-line and see how they are "staged". Streamlined is so important and what you perceive as memories is perceived as clutter by others.  Don't take it personally, just look thru the buyers eyes.
3. The Power of the List: jot things down! With all the things to remember when moving and selling property, don't trust your brain to remember everything.  Keep several on-going "to do" lists around the house and be sure to jot things down when you think of them. Nothing is quite so satisfying as checking things OFF the list. Also for long term, keep a list of business's, magazine subscriptions, etc that you need to notify of your new address.
4. Packing Supplies...oodles of them available! Have boxes, bins, packing tape and old newspapers readily available.  You never know when inspiration will hit & you feel like packing at that very moment! The best source for boxes is the grocery store (egg boxes are awesome!) and the liquor store. Plastic store bought bins are best for long term storage of items. If you do contract with a moving company, they almost always will have supplies of boxes and wardrobes available to you.
5.  Pace Yourself. Take it one room or one "project" at a time, if you are looking at the whole house it can easily be overwhelming.
6. Don't forget your local charities.  That old desk may be a God send for someone else. Keep in mind that certain charities are looking only for certain items like clothing and small household goods, whereas others might be seeking used furniture.  So plan to diversify the distribution of your charitable donations. And of course, be sure to save those receipts for tax time (oh, ugh...it comes around every year.)
7. Moving Company quotes.  Even though you may not have a closing/moving date, don't hesitate to get several quotes from moving companies ahead of time. Generally they will hold that quote for up to 6 months depending on the time of year: "prime" moving time or not.
8. Listen to the wisdom of your realtor: they know the ins and outs of negotiations and can look at the house without the emotional bias. If you are selling your home yourself without a realtor, then listen to the wisdom of those who have done it themselves. I, myself, heartily recommend a realtor....in addition to marketing and selling your home, they know all the legal requirements to help you sail thru closing without losing your sanity.
9. Keep a Routine. With all the craziness of your life during this transition time, try to keep at least a few things as part of a routine. Include everyday tasks, hobbies or routines that you can squeeze in to your day just for a little peace of mind. A brisk walk around the block can really clear the mind.  For me, it is my writing...so here I am at the keyboard.
10. Remember that wherever you end up, a house is just a building...it is the people and experiences within those walls that make it a home.

 So this is "Part 2" on the stress of moving.  As of this writing, we are still in the process of selling and moving.  Initially I thought this would not be written and published until the entire process is complete.  Yet, I have learned so much on this journey I felt compelled to write about it now.  Who knows..perhaps a third installment will be forth coming. Dear Readers out there, wish our family luck as we move forward to new adventures on our move....whenever that may be. Time will tell.