The Link between Art & Madness

Vincent van Gogh,1889

Creative people have frequently been considered "different" from the norm of the general population. In more specific terms, the artistic temperment frequently manifests itself with manic-depressive  symptoms.  Modern psychiatry has taught us that when we look at the life stories of the truly creative writers, painters and musicians, many have exhibited strong indications of manic-depression or more recently referred to as Bipolar disorder. It piqued my curiousity to find out that there is a rather extensive list of many artists throughout history who have suffered from some type of mood disorder.  A partial list contains:  Vincent van Gough, Emily Dickinson, Edgar Allen Poe, Virginia Woolf, Lord Bryon, Mozart and Hemmingway. Just to name a few...These are some of the most recognizable.  The definition of the illness has changed over the decades, but it can be determined that these artists were most likely Bipolar by the exhibited behaviors and symptoms that were recorded.

Thoughts about this topic recently came to me after reading this intriquing book: 

Touched with Fire: Manic -Drepressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament. by Kay Redfield Jamison. It's not a new idea, there has been a correlation between artistic temperment and mani-depressive states for as long as the two have existed.  Yet, this book takes the time and research to actually establish the correlation.  It presents in-depth reasearch on the lives of several famous writers and authors.  Granted, some of the book is dry and "technical" but she does a wonderful job of supporting her thesis and backing it up with facts and figures, not just suppositions.

One quote from the book, that highlights the link bewtween art and "mental distress", also points to the dilemmna of a hesitancy to pursue treatment for fear of quelching the flames of creativity. Jamison states: "Many artists and writers believe that turmoil, sufferring and extremes in emotional experience are integral not only to the human condition but to their abilities as artists.  They fear that psychiatric treatment will transform them into normal, well adjusted, dampened, and bloodless souls--unable, or unmotivated to write, paint or compose.  These fears have greatly intensified as a result of the availability of a wide range of highly effective mood-stabilizing medications."

Edvard Munch- The Scream, 1893

I know all too well about that fear of loss of creativity and the feeling of "flat" emotions from the use of "mood stabilizing" medications. I went thru a whole bevy of meds when initially diagnosed with Bipolar disorder over 20 years ago. I remember that "flat" feeling and just going through the motions of my day. I was so glad to be connecting with reality, but I just didn't feel like myself.

So when I started Lithium to help my symptoms, it became evident to me that this particular drug could help me without feeling like a "bloodless soul".  Lithium is the most commonly prescribed medication for Bipolar and generally the most effective. Nevertheless, for some people it becomes a tradeoff and a difficult choice to make: sometimes the creative process is enhanced by manic episodes. Prescription remedies seem to botch (in the patient's opinion) their "humaness" and creativity. Yet, the alternative of experiencing continued manic episodes and low depressive episodes takes it's toll on the human body. 

Bipolar illness not only worsens over time, it becomes less responsive to medication over time.  Episodes and hospitalizations can increase and sadly, when left untreated, can result in suicide.

While  I don't put myself in the same category as some of these great writers who have suffered for their art, I find some comfort in the fact that as a patient diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, perhaps there is something inside me that is actually creative, not just "crazy".  I don't have the enormous talent of Virginia Wolf, Hemmingway or Poe, yet I have indeed suffered for my art. Not just my art, but also the desire to have a so-called "normal" and happy life.

Once I finally accepted my diagnosis of Bipolar and  determined the proper medication, then things were smoother sailing. Studies have shown that people on lithuim experience few side effects of any kind and less than one third report any significant negative changes in intellectual functioning and reasoning. The creativity was still there, but when going down pathways to find my creative yearnings, I walked down a well lit path, instead of stumbling in the darkness. Perhaps some of my creativity had changed and even stifled, but I was still able to function and not detached from reality.  Hemmingway said it right: "There is nothing to Writing, all you do is sit down at a typewriter and Bleed." So true.  But I would add: just make sure you have the Band-Aids handy.       Julie Etta Smith

 

Mental Illness--Gaining Strength through Acceptance

 Dealing with a diagnosis of mental illness, and learning to accept it, is ironically enough, like dealing with the 5 stages of grief. It is tough to accept the reality of your situation, just as much as it is to accept the reality of your illness. My life became a whole lot easier once I accepted a diagnosis of Bi-Polar and found the proper medication that worked for me. I went through a slew of different meds and 2 different psychiatrists before I finally found a lifestyle and ONE medication that worked for me. As I draw this parallel with the five stages of grief, I think it is best to start out this conversation with a description of those stages.

The Kubler-Ross model, named after the physician who developed it, shows five distinct phases that people experience when dealing with a loss. The five stages of grief are listed as: 

1) Denial

2)Anger

3)Bargaining

4)Depression

5)Acceptance 

 In a grief experience, this generally means the loss of a loved one.  As applied to coping with mental illness, this can also mean dealing with a loss--the loss of a lifestyle and/or your perception of who you are as a person. It was hard for me to accept the fact that perhaps I was not processing things the way most people do and perhaps I needed some chemical assistance to do so.  I remember my psychiatrist telling me once that there is no shame in having to take medication for your brain to work properly.  A diabetic takes insulin, you just need a supplement of lithium for your brain. That explanation helped put things in perspective.

Roy Scheider as Gideon in All That Jazz

My first exposure to the 5 stages of Grief were depicted in the movie All that Jazz by Bob Fosse. Yet, at the time, I did not realize the concept applied to grief. In the movie the same concepts were applied rather to one's own impending death.  That is the way it is portrayed in the movie as the main character, Gideon, grapples with his own life situation.  It's a great movie with an intriguing storyline and phenomenal dance sequences.  Roy Scheider stars in the semi-autobiographical story of a self-destructive director/choreographer.  In the movie the incredibly beautiful "Angel of Death" visits him on a regular basis in his dreams and sometimes his drug induced visions.  All the time he discusses with the angel, and sometimes his reflection in the mirror, the 5 stages of his impending death.  Yes, it is a dark comedy, but one with an interesting message about how some of us cope with what life throws our way.

So when I think about how the stages apply to a diagnosis of mental illness, each and every stage fits perfectly when I think about dealing with my diagnosis of Bi-Polar.  First and foremost, I do think that society's pre-conceived notions of mental illness have definitely changed for the better.  Knowledge is power and the more people understand about different mental illnesses, the more they will be able to be empathetic.  Just like this poster here, we need to stop the Stigma.  

With the stigma of mental illness that is still sometimes perpetuated, that easily leads to the first stage: Denial. Nobody wants to be thought of as "crazy", it must be something else. I remember when I was first diagnosed as Bi-Polar.  Initially it was thought of as Post-Partum Depression and "this too shall pass", but years later I had difficulties again: post-menopausal.  So, it must be hormonal.  Well, that may be true, but I have come to accept that the brain chemicals and the body chemicals do work together (or fight each other). Having the brain and the body in harmony is obviously essential for complete wellness.

The next stage: Anger is a complicated stage that I definitely went through but found it really hard to cope with. My anger was focused on the illness and not the people I love, it made it hard to demonstrate that to my family.  Especially when I was initially dealing with Post-Partum Depression.  It was so frustrating for me to demonstrate that I loved my baby boy and would not hurt him for the world.  In many ways he helped my healing because I wanted to be there to care for him.  Another aspect of Anger that I found so frustrating to deal with is the sexist notion that women shouldn't get angry. Outdating notions of this still exist.  When a man gets angry, he is just being strong and assertive.  But when a woman gets angry, well... she's just being a bitch.  It's hard to fight these stereotypes, some of them are so ingrained in our psyche, but maybe we can try to rise above them.

The third stage: Bargaining to me seems to be bargaining with God. If you are perplexed as to how you got this way in life, then perhaps you would bargain to change this or that.  If only I could give up a certain behavior, then perhaps the rest of my life would be smoother.  Maybe some of my symptoms would disappear? Vowing to yourself to change something might actually help improve your situation.  Yet, finding a medical professional that you trust is probably the most important thing to help you.

The fourth stage: Depression is probably the stage that is the hardest to define. We have all had days when we just had incredible sadness and frustration, but usually those days pass. Yet, sometimes it's more than that.  The Mayo Clinic defines clinical depression in this way:

Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and sometimes you may feel as if life isn't worth living. More than just a bout of the blues, depression isn't a weakness and you can't simply "snap out" of it. Depression may require long-term treatment. But don't get discouraged. Most people with depression feel better with medication, psychotherapy or both.

So, finding out if you are just feeling blue or clinically depressed is incredibly important.  My diagnosis of Bi-Polar depression had "depression" in the title so for me it was a package deal. Lucky Me. Yet, the hardest thing for me to accept has been that my depression has not necessarily been "situational" depression, but rather a chemical characteristic of my body that I just have to treat and learn to live with. I have dealt with it over the years, but as you can imagine, EVERY medication has side effects, some worse than others.

The fifth and final stage: Acceptance is a tough one to swallow and there are days when you can bounce back up to the #1 stage: Denial.  These stages, as they apply to Grief and also to Mental Health, helps one to understand that you are not alone.  It is important to remember that some people skip stages, while others get stuck in other stages for what can be an unhealthy amount of time.  The process is different for everyone, depending on their circumstances.  

Several factors have helped me with my challenge of learning to stay afloat with a Bi -Polar diagnosis.  First, my Faith has helped me immensely to help me feel loved no matter what.  Second, my family provided support and love in spite of some of my more "difficult" moments.  Last, but certainly not least, I educated myself on my illness, various medications and utilized my strength and power to have a say in my OWN THERAPY and Healing.  Keeping your autonomy, does wonders for your self-esteem and in turn healing.  Of course you need good doctors, friends and family to assist, but remember you are the one that knows what is best for YOU.  It can be a long hard climb, but worth the effort.   

    

                                                      Julie Etta Smith      

 

Hope Springs Eternal

 

White Trillium-a harbinger of spring

As I write these words, it is the very last few days of March and there is a steady snowfall outside my window.  So typical of March to have 70 degrees and sunshine on one day, then snow and wind the next.  Nevertheless, at this juncture it can be frustrating.  Just about everyone I know is so ready for Spring. It is the same back and forth pretty much every year, yet sometimes we never get used to that. We have to have HOPE that Spring will eventually come. I took this photo several years ago on a springtime walk in the woods. The White Trillium is a woodland flower that comes up in April and May.  It is such a delicate, beautiful flower and signifies to me the coming of spring as it bursts forth above the fallen leaves of the previous autumn. Not only is it a pleasure to behold, I found out that in some cultures and philosophies, the 3-petal structure represents balance of the past, present and future and also the connection between mind body and spirit.  Such an impressive connection for something so wonderfully simple.  Sometimes simplicity is the best.

So as we wait, impatiently, for the White Trillium to appear and the moment when we can safely put away the snow shovels away, I am reminded of a mindset that helps me carry forward.  The concept of Hope and how there are certain tools we can use to foster that hope.  One of these tools is one of my favorite Bible verses: Hebrews 11:1 which states:

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

The spiritual aspect of this verse has always brought me comfort, but on the more pragmatic level, the green grass, flowers breaching the surface and the warmer temperatures are yet to be seen and felt...but we have faith and hope that those days will arrive.  Of this, I am sure.  Every March I go through this.  I am wanting to visit nurseries and start to plant flowers and plan my vegetable garden.  Yet I have to reign myself in and practice both patience and hope.  

There is also more to utilizing the art of practicing patience and hope than just horticulture and the changes of the seasons.  I get frustrated and borderline depressed when I think of the current "State of Affairs" of our country and all the changes that are taking place under the Trump administration.  I really want, and need, to think positively about the future of this country and the future of the world. 

 So many things these last few months have shocked, angered and dismayed me that I don't know where to turn for solace.  I find solace in HOPE.  I look for ties from the past that at the time seemed monumental but eventually had a way of working out. I do what I can to help make my community and world a better place. Yet, I also have to protect my own mental health and well-being. Yet even the simple concept of hope is such an important tool in making things better: "If there is hope in the future, there is literally power in the present." Zig Ziglar

That being said, I can keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward based on the premise of HOPE.    Julie Etta Smith

The Original and the Best: Finding my Roots

I have been freelance writing and blogging for 10 years. It is interesting how my writing has evolved, and I hope has improved.  After just finishing my Mom's biography I feel a real sense of accomplishment and it was a labor of love.  I was generally happy with the final result, although writers are their own worst critics.  It was so hard to determine what to put in and what to leave out.  Yet, I like to think that my Mom would have been happy with the book and there are so many wonderful memories and photos to cherish for the people that knew her well.  

So now that it is complete, I pondered what project am I going to work on next? Many different book projects come to mind....but for now I'm going to go back to my blogs.  There is so much satisfaction from telling your stories, viewpoints and life experiences and putting in print. As Maya Angelou once wisely said: "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."   Wise woman.  I agree with that need to share various aspects of our human condition with fellow travelers in life.

When I decided to rejuvenate my blogs, I researched the various platforms all over again. So much has changed in 10 years.  My blogging journey has taken me from Blogger to Word Press to Wix.  At the time, the reasons for those changes made sense.  Yet, I thought about where I am today with my writing and what my "needs" are.  I thought about the simplicity of Blogger...the platform for my first blog. Not a huge amount of design options, but the editing was simple and intuitive.  Plus the price was right: FREE.

When I was trying to promote my book, I was concerned about followers, SEO and getting numerous comments on every blog-not any more.  I am more concerned about the simple joy of telling my story.  If others want to read it and share comments with me...great.  However, I am not going to lose sleep over it. All those other concerns seem secondary to many writers who are interested in making money. Yes, actual money from one's writing. What a concept.  Or there is the secondary route of advertising on your blog.  I did try that, but it didn't work for me.  Visually unappealing to go to my blog and see the main text of my blog almost obliterated by ads.  Anyway, not for me.  What it boils down to is that making money is not a priority with my writing.  The above meme says is all.

So in my quest to get back to my roots and following the main purpose of why I love to write, I looked up my original blog: Outlooks & Inspirations on Julieetta1982.blogspot.com 

Low & Behold it was still there and every blog I had written since February of 2015 is archived in it. Thank you, Blogger.  I guess it wouldn't just disappear, unless I deleted it.  But nevertheless, it gave me a feeling of security knowing that my writing has been kept for posterity.  I went in and revised the layout and colors, slightly, just to make it new for me and new for 2025.  Happy 10th Birthday Outlooks & Inspirations.  I plan to keep you going.                                                                                                                                                        Julie Etta Smith

Finding Your Voice

 

When I was a young girl, perhaps in my early teens, my Mom, sister & I made several cross country road trips from Iowa to upstate NY to visit family. I fondly recall one summer when my Mom decided it might be prudent to get a CB radio, for safety reasons if we were on the road and had car trouble. It was the responsible thing to do, yet in the eyes of a teenager girl it was delightful fun to chat with the truckers and just about anybody else I was able to strike up a conversation with up and down the dial. Remember this was before the days of cell phones and before the days of social media. I found it great fun and so did most of the truckers...most of them.  It was all well and good until one of the truckers decided my "handle" should be "ratchet jaw".  In hind sight, it was funny, but at the same time hurtful.  It was one of those moments that you remember years later. It was one of the first times in my life I had been criticized for talking too much.  It also came to be the first of many times. Yet, many of us have traits...parts of our personality that are ingrained in us.  Sometimes it becomes kind of a self fulfilled prophecy.  When someone tells you that you are a certain way...then you start to see yourself that way.  Yes, sometimes I talk a lot, perhaps too much. When those moments arise that I am reprimanded for talking too much, I instinctively back down, for awhile anyway.  Then my need to be heard resurfaces and I feel the need to speak and be heard.

So talking easily with just about anyone is not necessarily a bad thing. I have been told I possess the "Gift of Gab".  It comes in handy for a whole bevy of social situations to help break the ice and sometimes put more people at ease. Yet, learning how to measure your words before you speak is an important skill to have.  It reminds me of the old adage: "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt." This quote is sometimes attributed to Abraham Lincoln, although the actual origin has been debated.  Nevertheless, when I hear it, it sometimes causes me to think twice before making comments.  Especially on a topic I have limited knowledge on.  Tis better to listen and learn in those circumstances.

So frequently I remind myself of another adage: God gave us two ears and one mouth so we should listen twice as much as we talk.  Good point.  Nevertheless when I look at this image of a woman (circa 1950's) being a good girl and reminding either herself  or someone close by to "Shush"...the feminist in me rises and  I want to cry out until my voice is heard. Why is it that silence is sometimes equivalent to complacency?   Not always the case, yet being silent sometimes comes at a cost.

I guess we all need to feel that we are being heard and finding our voice with respect to how we communicate.  Many times it is not merely verbal, but our voice can be carried and displayed in a multitude of ways: music, art and in my case: writing. 

I have compared this blog sometimes to a journal...it feels so good to be able to express myself, to have my voice heard.  Yet someone (I'm not saying who...) said to me: ..."If it's like a journal than why should you care if anybody reads it or not?"  OUCH. Theoretically, maybe I shouldn't care if anybody reads it or not.  But it comes full circle as to why I write...it is a way of finding my voice.  So if no one listens to my "voice" why should I write? Good question. Why does an artist paint? Why does a dancer dance? I write because that is who I am.  Nevertheless, it would be nice to know someone is "listening".  Lately I have grappled with new ideas on how to reach my audience. As a writer and blogger it is sometimes sad to think that when you hit the "Publish" button your work has now gone to cyberspace, possibly never to be viewed except by your own eyes.  Yes, this is a bit dramatic, but sometimes it feels that way. Yet I just continue to write because it is one of the ways I have found my own voice. I have a favorite quote on my bulletin board: Real writers don't write because they can write, they write because they can't NOT write.  Let that sink in.  Therein lies the true nature of the beast.

Here's another food for thought...it's pretty evident to me why social media has become such a pervasive, sometimes even invasive, part of our lives.  People just want to be heard. Like so many ways of communication, there are pros and cons to discussions on social media. In it's early days, Facebook was merely a simple way to keep in touch and share photos, but it has morphed into something much more complicated...in good ways and sometimes NOT so good. Nevertheless, it does still allow dialogue.

So many times I think about communication and how it has changed just in the last few years. Not surprising that this would be a favorite topic of mine because my degree is in Journalism and Mass Communication. Both of those terms: journalism and mass communication encompass entirely different things now from when I graduated college.  It's mind boggling to think how we communicate has changed.  On a personal level, I think it is sad that so many local newspapers have disappeared.  Perhaps technology has replaced them with other ways of connecting with your community, but sometimes I still think there is a void in that respect.  Having connections relevant to your geographic area helps to create a stronger, closely knit community. It brings a sense of identity that only a local paper or local TV station can bring. The town I am currently living in had a local paper that closed down just a few years before I got here. Sad. Maybe I would have enjoyed working with them.  If when I graduated, I had been told you will operate 2 blogs, (what's a blog?)

self-publish 4 books and communicate with your family and friends across the country just by typing a note on your computer (Thanks Facebook).....well at that time I just would not have fathomed it. Not sure what the future will bring as we seek to Find our voice.

So Gentle Readers....I encourage you to Find Your Voice in whatever format is best suited to you.  Find your voice and let you voice be heard.  Julie Etta Smith

Rising to the Challenge: Memorizing Scripture

As a young girl, I remember (not necessarily fondly) having to memorize several piano music pieces for recitals. It was challenging and fun and probably “good for me”, but I just couldn’t see it at that time. Performing in front of my peers and several judges was also pretty nerve racking. Nevertheless, the act of memorizing itself did bring me a feeling of accomplishment.

Flash forward to today and I do enjoy memorizing things, but for different reasons.  I have also found out that working at memorization is physiologically good for your brain.  The older I get, I want to make sure I exercise that part of my body as well.  So for exercising our brains, and the strength of our faith, memorizing Scripture is a great way to achieve both those things. 

Several Christian leaders and influential teachers have shown us the benefits of memorizing scripture. The prolific author Chuck Swindoll writes:

 “I know of no other single practice in the Christian life more rewarding, practically speaking, than memorizing Scripture. . . . No other single exercise pays greater spiritual dividends! Your prayer life will be strengthened. Your witnessing will be sharper and much more effective. Your attitudes and outlook will begin to change. Your mind will become alert and observant. Your confidence and assurance will be enhanced. Your faith will be solidified” (Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life, 61).

The benefits of Memorization are well documented, but additional benefits to memorizing specifically Scripture also provide unique benefits as well.  I found an interesting blog that helps to provide inspiration for memorizing and studying scripture. It is called In The Mirror of God and can be found at: https://inthemirrorofgod.com/  She details many benefits from memorizing scripture including:

·        It builds your Faith

·        It keeps you from Sin

·        It Equips you for Spiritual warfare

·        It keeps your Mind at Peace

·        It Helps you know Biblical Truth & Keeps you from Error

She also provides on this blog several methods to help you memorize scripture and ways to enrich your life as a Christian.

So, since we all know the benefits of scripture memorization, I would encourage all of us to share our favorites with each other.  Perhaps you will find a new one that you would like to rise to the challenge of memorizing. For the record, here are a few of my very favorites that I almost have memorized. I will keep working on them:

Psalm 4:8: In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.  

Philippians 4:6-7: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Matthew 6:26 :Look at the birds of the air: they do not sow or reap or gather into barns--and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  

Psalm 86:7 : In the Day of trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.

Hebrews 11:1  Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Looking forward to hearing about your favorites. You can email me at: Julieetta05@gmail.com or you can respond on this blog. I check my blogs regularly.

 Thanks! Julie

My Tupperware Container

The body is merely a vessel for the soul. This vessel that holds your spirit, holds also all the characteristics that makes you uniquely you. So in that respect, the container is merely an earthly vessel to contain our spirit while we are on here on earth.  Granted, we need to take good care of the vessel if we intend on staying here awhile. So the vessels come in all shapes and sizes, but basically are a Tupperware container for our souls.  Weird concept I know, but bear with me. So if we have a container, does it matter that they come in all different sizes and shapes?  Genetics play a part, but also lifestyles....people come in all different shapes and sizes. I am trying so very hard to love and take care of my Tupperware container, even if it is a "larger" container. 

 It's interesting how at the start of every new year, people make many vows to be "better". Now this is an admirable goal, but can sometimes wreck havoc on our self-esteem. I speak from experience.  As a middle aged woman I have dealt with bad body image and self-esteem for several years now.  I strongly believe in staying healthy and taking care of our bodies.  Yet, we need to remember that health should have priority over aesthetics. This is nothing new and I found it interesting that I was grappling with this same issues several years ago.

 * SIGH* some things never change.  I am  adding on to this blog a post that I made in 2019 regarding body image.  Holds true today and YES, I still like Meghan Trainor. 

Here is the post from then:

Photo by: Aleksander Antonijevic

This morning as I slipped on some exercise pants for my work out at the gym I noticed something that brought a chuckle to my day. On the tag of my pants it said "Danskin".  Most of my exercise clothes are generic or old t-shirts, but I do have a few nice ones. I remember an old commercial for Danskin: "Danskins are for dancing". Now I'm assuming the company meant to inspire anyone to get off the couch and start dancing. Preferably a dance suitable to an accomplished ballerina. And if you wear Danskin clothing you will look like a ballerina with the sculptured muscular legs to go with it. Nothing against Danskin, they are just trying to sell leotards, tights and leggings, but one can't help but get these certain images in your brain about how a healthy body is "supposed" to look. It's my understanding that they changed their slogan to "Danskin's are not just for dance." Also, now it's called "activewear", for just about any and all forms of "active living". Although I will say, I can't see myself going to the grocery store or walking a dog wearing leggings and a tank top. I know, it's been done....to each his own.

 So getting to the chuckle that was brought to my day.... as I slipped on the exercise pants, when I saw the Danskin label I thought of myself as a pretty Portly Ballerina. Now I was being gentle with myself- I didn't say a FAT ballerina; I was so kind to use the euphemism "portly".  Then it brought a smile to my face when I realized what I would look like trying to attempt ballet. Yet, I dressed, went to the gym and felt strangely empowered by being thankful for what my body CAN do, not dwelling on the things I CAN'T do. I also try very hard to focus on what my body can do, not what it looks like. Yes, my legs are fat, my knees hurt....but my legs still work, and my knees bend. Perhaps it takes me longer to climb a flight of stairs than it did a few years back, but by golly I can still do it.
 3 Cheers for Julie.  Yes, I want to stress the importance of being your own cheering section.

Now perhaps I have a biased opinion, because I never took ballet. Yet I hold in high regard the beauty of the art form of dance and am always amazed how an accomplished dancer, ballet and other forms of dance, can discipline their bodies to perform incredible athletic feats. Truly an inspiration. I did however take a one semester course in Jazz Dancing. Oh my gosh. What an incredibly fun class. I thoroughly enjoyed it, but never did get the full routine down pat. As I said previously, not a good dancer. I remember to this day it was to Chaka Khan's "I Feel for you"....great song.   In the class, there were many fancy dance steps and motions, in many different sequences.  Even if I "messed up" several times, it was so great just becoming immersed in the dance and moving your body to the music. Isn't that the point of dancing? That's why I always have music to move me at the gym. Helps motivate me.

So on that playlist from my MP3 player I use at the gym, many of the songs help me to rise above "body image" and work to keep the body I have healthier and happy.   In terms of female body image and empowerment, Meghan Trainor has many songs to inspire. One of my favorite lines is from  "All About that Bass" : several lines encourage loving the body we have: Meghan sings: " Yeah, it's pretty clear, I ain't no size two....I see the magazines working that Photoshop. We know that shit ain't real. Come on now, make it stop...Cause every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top."
Thanks Meghan.

So I guess I can't stress enough, both to myself and to many others bombarded by images of what the perfect body should be. Love and take care of the body you are in because it is the only body you are given. Be good to yourself and thank the Good Lord for the goodness within you.

Julie E. Smith

Peace & Pain coexist

 Today was the last session of my GriefShare group, I almost didn't want the session to end. I feel a certain sense of sadness, but in the same token feeling very blessed that I learned so much as a participant in this group.  I truly believed that we all managed to help each other in our journeys; both in small ways and big ways...but always miraculous.

Just like the photo here...it is best to think of Grief like an ocean, ebbing and flowing in your life. I feel as if I have done a pretty decent job of "learning to swim."

One of the GriefShare statements is their mission to provide you with help on: "Your Journey from Mourning to Joy." It really helped me on my journey, and I plan on keeping my workbook to reference from time to time.  Just like any journaling a person does...it is so good to go back and see how things have progressed and also how prayers have been answered.

In my workbook, I noted several quotes, lessons and sometimes just observations that have helped with my healing. The grief process is different for everyone, but some of these lessons that were highlighted I feel compelled to share and record perhaps a "Readers Digest" condensed version of the ones that meant the most to me:

• Peace & Pain coexist: just like the title of this blog, I found it is so valuable to be reminded that pain and sorrow are both part of the human condition.  Everyone knows that, but sometimes we need an affirmation that we are not alone in suffering.  Everyone experiences grief. Just because you have pain, does not mean you will never experience joy again... even joy that can occur at the same time as sorrow. There are many biblical contexts that assure us that we can find peace after, or even amongst, the pain.  These are a few of my favorites: But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened. 1 Peter 3:14   

Another verse affirms pain and human suffering, but also declares the reassurance of a coming peace. Jesus states: I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Many times, when we grieve, we feel guilty for having joy again. I know my Mom wouldn't want me to dwell on missing her, but rather move forward. Which leads me to my next point:

• Move Forward instead of Moving On: This bit of advice may seem just like a matter of semantics, but it provides a valuable insight into the way we heal. Sometimes people mean well by saying something to the effect of "She really needs to Move on..." which seems to imply forgetting the past.  Whereas Moving Forward allows us to remember the person we have lost, respecting and treasuring the memories while at the same time proceeding with carrying on with your life.  I know, easier said than done.  Yet, it is something to strive for.

• Grief is not Linear:    Just like the ebb and flow of the ocean it is good to remember that Grief comes and goes.  There will be good days and bad days.  I found comfort in remembering that you just don't go from point A to point B and then you're done.  It doesn't work that way. Thoughts and sadness will sneak up on you when you least suspect it. That's OK, it's just part of the process. The worst thing you can do is to be hard on yourself and think, "I thought I was done with this"...well apparently you weren't. Let it wash over you like a wave and then proceed.  A perfect example that happened to me occurred during a recent drive to Dallas to help my son move. On the way home we drove through Des Moines...not stopping.  The fact that Mom was no longer there, and we just drove by the skyline and familiar roadways...it suddenly hit me.... I miss her so much. All those years of trips to Des Moines and now it will never be the same.  Even if we did go back, as they say...you can never go home again. So, since I was driving, I felt compelled to stop at a rest stop and let the tears flow.  I didn't deny my emotions and I felt better by allowing myself to experience those feelings. It's part of the process and I have learned that the journey is not over yet. However, every tear heals.
  

• Gratitude changes our hearts: I have this phrase: "Gratitutde changes our Hearts", written on a post-it note by my desk as a gentle reminder to remember all the things in my life that ARE going right. Blessings can bring a smile to your face, even if it is through your tears.

I am so very thankful for this group in helping me in "processing" my grief and helping me to move forward with JOY. If you are interested in learning more about this group, their web site is: www.griefshare.org or feel free to contact me with any questions, I would be happy to help. 

Julie E. Smith

Emotional Rescue

  I find found comfort in this meme and not just because it has a lighthouse in it. Granted that does help further the cause.  Those who know me, know that I love lighthouses for both their architectural beauty and symbolism. I really like it because it demonstrates the life advantage of sharing your sorrows and drawing strength from others. Advantages that can help just about anyone in a whole variety of circumstances. I write these words today specifically from the benefits I have found from a grief support group that I have been attending: Grief Share. 

The grief in my life that I am currently dealing with started with the loss of my Mother and 4 months later that grief was intensified by my son's loss of his girlfriend and her three-year-old son. It has been so much to handle and a rough year for our family. I am no stranger to depression...and I know when I need to pursue help.  So when I was having issues being a caretaker for my Mom and all the stressors that went with that, I decided to seek help. Well, it is evident lately that many, many people have sought counseling in this crazy world we live in. The debilitating effects of the Pandemic can in large part be to blame that there just aren't enough therapists to go around.  I was put on a waiting list for a local therapist, then I had not heard from them for months so I called them several times.  I remember the woman apologizing and by way of explanation saying: "There's a mental health crisis in this country." That may very well be true, and a definite lack of therapists!  I felt as if I needed to do something, so I pursed other avenues for help.

 Many of us that are lost "out at sea" have had to find our own life preservers. For myself that is a combination of things including journaling, prayer and recently a support group.  I have always thought of myself as a "survivor", but sometimes a group situation can help and perhaps you recognize things that you might not have seen if you are taking the journey on your own. When I found the Grief Share group it was such a wonderful blessing and has really helped and continues to help me cope moving forward. It is interesting to note that the Grief Share program is available pretty much nationwide.  It is very easy to find a group in your area by checking out their website: www.griefshare.org. It is important to remember that the site is to help you find a group and additional resources if needed, but the group meetings are in person and so beneficial to gain support on a face-to-face basis.

Many of the things I have learned from the group seem so obvious sometimes, but when you are grieving you frequently don't recognize things that might help you with your grief journey.  One of the statements from the group sums up a lot: "Your Journey from Mourning to Joy". It is a journey, and it doesn't happen overnight.  One of the things that was shared was the fact that when well-meaning people want to help you to "get over" your grieving, that implies telling you to leave something behind.  Instead, it may be better to "Move forward" with your life and you can always keep the memory of your loved one with you. Some may feel that this is just a matter of semantics, but words can have powerful impacts on our perceptions.

 Another thing we discuss at meetings is there is no set timetable for various stages of grief.   Many people know that, but frequently we get caught up in the day-to-day tasks and don't allow ourselves time to grieve.  A perfect example of this was shown in a video from the group.  It discussed a widow who could not bring herself to sort through her deceased husband's things. She was just not quite ready to face that emotional task.  Many offers for helping with the task came from people who thought it would be a good and necessary step for moving forward. The women's response was one that I would like to remember myself if I ever need it. She replied: " I am just not ready to do that now, but when I am I would love your help."

It is so wonderfully said because it doesn't put yourself on the defensive and it also acknowledges that you really appreciate the other person's offer for help.  Very diplomatic and helps the other person to respect your wishes. 

So when I picked the title for this blog: Emotional Rescue it does designate emotional help that those who are grieving can pursue.  Yet, on a personal level it is indicative of how music helps "rescue" me frequently. So I am a huge fan of the Stones. Just think of Mick Jagger singing the refrain:

"Don't you know promises were never meant to keep? Just like the night, they dissolve off in sleep

I'll be your savior, steadfast and true

I'll come to your emotional rescue"

Yes, I know it's kind of a stretch to make a correlation between getting help for grieving and a classic rock tune by the Stones....but it works for me.  I guess it's just the comfort implied by the title.  In any case, we all need to find what works for us. Sharing with others works for me with a liberal dose of music as well. 

So, if any form of Grief enters your life...and it will at one time or another, be sure to take the steps to help yourself heal. It is a process and a journey.  Don't hesitate to ask for help when needed and reach out to me with a note if you'd like. I would be happy to listen.  JES

Rose Colored Glasses

 Oh, Lord...how do we cope in this world we live in today? Everybody has different coping mechanisms. It's so disheartening to look at the headlines and not be affected by it. The war in Ukraine goes on, the economy stinks, racial relations are not as harmonious as they should be, gun violence is rampant, our politicians seem to be spending more time with accusations and "finger pointing" then solving problems and passing legislation to benefit their constituents......and the list goes on and on. So how does one get the stamina and strength to get out of bed each morning and face the day without dissolving into pessimism and the feeling of overwhelming apathy? Indeed...how do we do it?

Well, how's that for an opener? I didn't mean to start this blog on such a downer, but that is just my viewpoint lately.  I've had a lot go wrong in the last year, but I am trying hard to see the things that went RIGHT. I am not a stranger to clinical depression...so I am trying hard to sleigh those dragons as they march towards me.  So, I try so hard to find the coping mechanisms that provide for me hope for tomorrow and a way of seeking JOY. I would be happy to hear from others as to how they cope and find ways of carrying on when life has dealt you many blows. Yet, as per usual, I feel that nobody is listening and that in and of itself is a contributing factor for my depression. When my Mom was alive, she was one of the FEW people that read my blog on a regular basis and almost always gave me feedback...both good and bad. She died on Christmas day, 2021.  Of course I miss my Mom, just because she was my wonderful Mom, but I also miss the fact that I had her to talk to and to give me encouragement for my writing.  So time marches on and I have to learn to cope with the losses in my life.  One of my major coping mechanisms is writing.... whether anyone reads it or not. It is therapeutic to me.

I've always thought of myself as a "glass half full" kind of gal... the eternal optimist that always seemed to look for the good aspects of an even not so good situation.  I have been accused of being a "Pollyanna" and not looking at reality except through Rose Colored Glasses. Now I defend the goodness that can be brought forth to our world if there were more optimists. What I am struggling with of late, is learning how to bring that optimism back into my own life.  The losses that I have experienced in my own life in the last year are not easily overcome, yet I continue to plug away hoping to gain once again the perception of myself as an optimist.  It has helped me by learning how to spend my days with other activities helping others instead of focusing on my own sorrows. It reminds me of the quote: Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves. (James M. Barrie)

So not only is writing healing to me, but music always has been an important part of my life. Mostly rock, but a good classical piece brings great joy.  Vivaldi the Four Seasons was a favorite to play in our home on "spaghetti night". Great memories. On the rock spectrum, I can't help but smile every time I hear Aerosmith's Walk this Way.  What a great song with great staying power.  It came out when I was in high school.... eons ago, but it still rocks.  I would be remiss, if I did not mention the empowerment and joy of being a woman when I listen to Meghan Trainor. What a fun pop singer! Some of her lyrics, however, cause me to pause and wonder.  See my blog: Can I like Meghan Trainor and still be a Feminist?

Also, I find solace in my faith.  So many Bible verses are there to provide comfort when we need it most. Here are a few of my favorites that help me: 

"In the day of trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me." Psalms 86:7

"...Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning. – Psalm 30:5

The last one I will mention brings me comfort in knowing that God is watching out for me even amidst the sorrows as well as the joys.  I keep it posted on my bulletin board in my office, where I see it frequently:

"Not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it, And the very hairs on your head are all numbered.  So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31

I want so very much to be an optimist again.  I pray that I will learn to find joy and gratitude more easily in my life.  I want to appreciate the simple things in life and smile more frequently than crying.  I'm getting there. This meme about optimists and pessimists always brings me a smile.....CHEERS!