Peace & Pain coexist

 Today was the last session of my GriefShare group, I almost didn't want the session to end. I feel a certain sense of sadness, but in the same token feeling very blessed that I learned so much as a participant in this group.  I truly believed that we all managed to help each other in our journeys; both in small ways and big ways...but always miraculous.

Just like the photo here...it is best to think of Grief like an ocean, ebbing and flowing in your life. I feel as if I have done a pretty decent job of "learning to swim."

One of the GriefShare statements is their mission to provide you with help on: "Your Journey from Mourning to Joy." It really helped me on my journey, and I plan on keeping my workbook to reference from time to time.  Just like any journaling a person does...it is so good to go back and see how things have progressed and also how prayers have been answered.

In my workbook, I noted several quotes, lessons and sometimes just observations that have helped with my healing. The grief process is different for everyone, but some of these lessons that were highlighted I feel compelled to share and record perhaps a "Readers Digest" condensed version of the ones that meant the most to me:

• Peace & Pain coexist: just like the title of this blog, I found it is so valuable to be reminded that pain and sorrow are both part of the human condition.  Everyone knows that, but sometimes we need an affirmation that we are not alone in suffering.  Everyone experiences grief. Just because you have pain, does not mean you will never experience joy again... even joy that can occur at the same time as sorrow. There are many biblical contexts that assure us that we can find peace after, or even amongst, the pain.  These are a few of my favorites: But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened. 1 Peter 3:14   

Another verse affirms pain and human suffering, but also declares the reassurance of a coming peace. Jesus states: I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Many times, when we grieve, we feel guilty for having joy again. I know my Mom wouldn't want me to dwell on missing her, but rather move forward. Which leads me to my next point:

• Move Forward instead of Moving On: This bit of advice may seem just like a matter of semantics, but it provides a valuable insight into the way we heal. Sometimes people mean well by saying something to the effect of "She really needs to Move on..." which seems to imply forgetting the past.  Whereas Moving Forward allows us to remember the person we have lost, respecting and treasuring the memories while at the same time proceeding with carrying on with your life.  I know, easier said than done.  Yet, it is something to strive for.

• Grief is not Linear:    Just like the ebb and flow of the ocean it is good to remember that Grief comes and goes.  There will be good days and bad days.  I found comfort in remembering that you just don't go from point A to point B and then you're done.  It doesn't work that way. Thoughts and sadness will sneak up on you when you least suspect it. That's OK, it's just part of the process. The worst thing you can do is to be hard on yourself and think, "I thought I was done with this"...well apparently you weren't. Let it wash over you like a wave and then proceed.  A perfect example that happened to me occurred during a recent drive to Dallas to help my son move. On the way home we drove through Des Moines...not stopping.  The fact that Mom was no longer there, and we just drove by the skyline and familiar roadways...it suddenly hit me.... I miss her so much. All those years of trips to Des Moines and now it will never be the same.  Even if we did go back, as they say...you can never go home again. So, since I was driving, I felt compelled to stop at a rest stop and let the tears flow.  I didn't deny my emotions and I felt better by allowing myself to experience those feelings. It's part of the process and I have learned that the journey is not over yet. However, every tear heals.
  

• Gratitude changes our hearts: I have this phrase: "Gratitutde changes our Hearts", written on a post-it note by my desk as a gentle reminder to remember all the things in my life that ARE going right. Blessings can bring a smile to your face, even if it is through your tears.

I am so very thankful for this group in helping me in "processing" my grief and helping me to move forward with JOY. If you are interested in learning more about this group, their web site is: www.griefshare.org or feel free to contact me with any questions, I would be happy to help. 

Julie E. Smith

The Benefits of 65+

The last time I remember actually wanting to be older was when I was 15 going on 16...could hardly wait to get a year older so I could get my Driver's License.  Many people wait with anticipation...wanting to be older at three important milestones in our lives: driver's license, legally drinking and being able to obtain Medicare coverage.  Sure, aging milestones are different depending on your priorities, but these three came to mind for me...especially lately when I have dealt with yet another medical insurance claim that was woefully inadequately covered by my insurance. Sometimes I just feel unlucky.  I pay my premiums, I try hard to decipher what is covered and what is not, and I still get...(excuse the French)...Screwed.  

My Husband, on the other hand has been enjoying the full benefits of Medicare for several years now.  Does he ever have to wonder...Will this be covered? Can I afford to take care of my health with preventative care testing? NO. If he does worry, I certainly don't hear about those concerns.  In any case....now that I am 60+ I don't necessarily want to get older, but when the time comes, my life will become easier when I can be covered under Medicare. Also, since my most recent debacle in the mystifying land of medical insurance...I am incredibly tempted to go without insurance completely.  What do my premiums pay for anyway!??!...not much I'm afraid. I will probably not tempt fate, because knowing my luck the day after dropping my insurance, I'd have a major accident.  So....I will just keep plodding along, try to stay as healthy as I can and avoid doctor visits.

With my latest insurance frustration, that is just what I was trying to be: proactive and healthy.  For years I have tried to do what was "right" for a woman and have an annual Mammogram. This year, and in previous years, I have been required to go back for a "second look" and this is considered by the medical community and insurance companies as a diagnostic mammogram. I have been through the emotional roller coaster ride of wondering if I had breast cancer or not.  It was such a relief to find out that no it was not cancer, just a cyst.  For that I am truly thankful.  Then the bills roll in.  Diagnostic mammograms are rarely covered by insurance. This makes no sense to me.  Women try to be proactive with our health, but then we run up against a medical billing community that stops us in our tracks.  I guess I get to a point sometimes that I feel like I can't fight the system.  I just want to cry, but I write instead.  Bernie Sanders really had some very valid points....the medical system in this country really needs improvement.

This is not a new development for me, I had a claim denied for reasons of "pre-existing condition"...and it was not.  I had the doctor's paperwork to prove it, but was saddled with a $13,000 bill. See my blog from 2/16/2021 entitled "What a Hot Mess...Health Insurance crisis in America".

I don't think I am just unlucky, or the only one with crappy insurance....I don't think I am alone in this frustration.  I just hope and pray that they will leave Medicare alone so it will still be there and functioning well when I arrive at 65.

So here's a cartoon to bring a bit of levity to a tough topic.  It is true, "you're never covered as much as you think you are."   Ain't it the Truth!! 

                                    

                         Julie E. Smith

Emotional Rescue

  I find found comfort in this meme and not just because it has a lighthouse in it. Granted that does help further the cause.  Those who know me, know that I love lighthouses for both their architectural beauty and symbolism. I really like it because it demonstrates the life advantage of sharing your sorrows and drawing strength from others. Advantages that can help just about anyone in a whole variety of circumstances. I write these words today specifically from the benefits I have found from a grief support group that I have been attending: Grief Share. 

The grief in my life that I am currently dealing with started with the loss of my Mother and 4 months later that grief was intensified by my son's loss of his girlfriend and her three-year-old son. It has been so much to handle and a rough year for our family. I am no stranger to depression...and I know when I need to pursue help.  So when I was having issues being a caretaker for my Mom and all the stressors that went with that, I decided to seek help. Well, it is evident lately that many, many people have sought counseling in this crazy world we live in. The debilitating effects of the Pandemic can in large part be to blame that there just aren't enough therapists to go around.  I was put on a waiting list for a local therapist, then I had not heard from them for months so I called them several times.  I remember the woman apologizing and by way of explanation saying: "There's a mental health crisis in this country." That may very well be true, and a definite lack of therapists!  I felt as if I needed to do something, so I pursed other avenues for help.

 Many of us that are lost "out at sea" have had to find our own life preservers. For myself that is a combination of things including journaling, prayer and recently a support group.  I have always thought of myself as a "survivor", but sometimes a group situation can help and perhaps you recognize things that you might not have seen if you are taking the journey on your own. When I found the Grief Share group it was such a wonderful blessing and has really helped and continues to help me cope moving forward. It is interesting to note that the Grief Share program is available pretty much nationwide.  It is very easy to find a group in your area by checking out their website: www.griefshare.org. It is important to remember that the site is to help you find a group and additional resources if needed, but the group meetings are in person and so beneficial to gain support on a face-to-face basis.

Many of the things I have learned from the group seem so obvious sometimes, but when you are grieving you frequently don't recognize things that might help you with your grief journey.  One of the statements from the group sums up a lot: "Your Journey from Mourning to Joy". It is a journey, and it doesn't happen overnight.  One of the things that was shared was the fact that when well-meaning people want to help you to "get over" your grieving, that implies telling you to leave something behind.  Instead, it may be better to "Move forward" with your life and you can always keep the memory of your loved one with you. Some may feel that this is just a matter of semantics, but words can have powerful impacts on our perceptions.

 Another thing we discuss at meetings is there is no set timetable for various stages of grief.   Many people know that, but frequently we get caught up in the day-to-day tasks and don't allow ourselves time to grieve.  A perfect example of this was shown in a video from the group.  It discussed a widow who could not bring herself to sort through her deceased husband's things. She was just not quite ready to face that emotional task.  Many offers for helping with the task came from people who thought it would be a good and necessary step for moving forward. The women's response was one that I would like to remember myself if I ever need it. She replied: " I am just not ready to do that now, but when I am I would love your help."

It is so wonderfully said because it doesn't put yourself on the defensive and it also acknowledges that you really appreciate the other person's offer for help.  Very diplomatic and helps the other person to respect your wishes. 

So when I picked the title for this blog: Emotional Rescue it does designate emotional help that those who are grieving can pursue.  Yet, on a personal level it is indicative of how music helps "rescue" me frequently. So I am a huge fan of the Stones. Just think of Mick Jagger singing the refrain:

"Don't you know promises were never meant to keep? Just like the night, they dissolve off in sleep

I'll be your savior, steadfast and true

I'll come to your emotional rescue"

Yes, I know it's kind of a stretch to make a correlation between getting help for grieving and a classic rock tune by the Stones....but it works for me.  I guess it's just the comfort implied by the title.  In any case, we all need to find what works for us. Sharing with others works for me with a liberal dose of music as well. 

So, if any form of Grief enters your life...and it will at one time or another, be sure to take the steps to help yourself heal. It is a process and a journey.  Don't hesitate to ask for help when needed and reach out to me with a note if you'd like. I would be happy to listen.  JES

Rose Colored Glasses

 Oh, Lord...how do we cope in this world we live in today? Everybody has different coping mechanisms. It's so disheartening to look at the headlines and not be affected by it. The war in Ukraine goes on, the economy stinks, racial relations are not as harmonious as they should be, gun violence is rampant, our politicians seem to be spending more time with accusations and "finger pointing" then solving problems and passing legislation to benefit their constituents......and the list goes on and on. So how does one get the stamina and strength to get out of bed each morning and face the day without dissolving into pessimism and the feeling of overwhelming apathy? Indeed...how do we do it?

Well, how's that for an opener? I didn't mean to start this blog on such a downer, but that is just my viewpoint lately.  I've had a lot go wrong in the last year, but I am trying hard to see the things that went RIGHT. I am not a stranger to clinical depression...so I am trying hard to sleigh those dragons as they march towards me.  So, I try so hard to find the coping mechanisms that provide for me hope for tomorrow and a way of seeking JOY. I would be happy to hear from others as to how they cope and find ways of carrying on when life has dealt you many blows. Yet, as per usual, I feel that nobody is listening and that in and of itself is a contributing factor for my depression. When my Mom was alive, she was one of the FEW people that read my blog on a regular basis and almost always gave me feedback...both good and bad. She died on Christmas day, 2021.  Of course I miss my Mom, just because she was my wonderful Mom, but I also miss the fact that I had her to talk to and to give me encouragement for my writing.  So time marches on and I have to learn to cope with the losses in my life.  One of my major coping mechanisms is writing.... whether anyone reads it or not. It is therapeutic to me.

I've always thought of myself as a "glass half full" kind of gal... the eternal optimist that always seemed to look for the good aspects of an even not so good situation.  I have been accused of being a "Pollyanna" and not looking at reality except through Rose Colored Glasses. Now I defend the goodness that can be brought forth to our world if there were more optimists. What I am struggling with of late, is learning how to bring that optimism back into my own life.  The losses that I have experienced in my own life in the last year are not easily overcome, yet I continue to plug away hoping to gain once again the perception of myself as an optimist.  It has helped me by learning how to spend my days with other activities helping others instead of focusing on my own sorrows. It reminds me of the quote: Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves. (James M. Barrie)

So not only is writing healing to me, but music always has been an important part of my life. Mostly rock, but a good classical piece brings great joy.  Vivaldi the Four Seasons was a favorite to play in our home on "spaghetti night". Great memories. On the rock spectrum, I can't help but smile every time I hear Aerosmith's Walk this Way.  What a great song with great staying power.  It came out when I was in high school.... eons ago, but it still rocks.  I would be remiss, if I did not mention the empowerment and joy of being a woman when I listen to Meghan Trainor. What a fun pop singer! Some of her lyrics, however, cause me to pause and wonder.  See my blog: Can I like Meghan Trainor and still be a Feminist?

Also, I find solace in my faith.  So many Bible verses are there to provide comfort when we need it most. Here are a few of my favorites that help me: 

"In the day of trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me." Psalms 86:7

"...Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning. – Psalm 30:5

The last one I will mention brings me comfort in knowing that God is watching out for me even amidst the sorrows as well as the joys.  I keep it posted on my bulletin board in my office, where I see it frequently:

"Not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it, And the very hairs on your head are all numbered.  So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31

I want so very much to be an optimist again.  I pray that I will learn to find joy and gratitude more easily in my life.  I want to appreciate the simple things in life and smile more frequently than crying.  I'm getting there. This meme about optimists and pessimists always brings me a smile.....CHEERS!

The Ripple Effect

As a native Iowan, I am proud to say, once again Iowa produced more corn than any other state in the country.  In 2021 Iowa produced 2.5 billion bushels of corn, making it the #1 producer of corn in the U.S.  Illinois produced 2.2 billion bushels making it the 2nd most productive corn state.  In case you were wondering, Nebraska came in third and Wisconsin is much further down the list.  However, we are still the lead state for cheese, of course!

Since I grew up in Iowa, the beauty of growing cornfields was so commonplace I actually didn't give it much thought, until recently. Driving down roadways this time of year the corn has just about peaked in terms of height, but not ready to harvest just yet. As you drive and take a quick glance it is easy to spot an optical illusion, of sorts. The rows and rows of corn seems to move in a ripple pattern.

 This optical trick can only be achieved when the corn is planted in rows perpendicular to the road.  In Iowa that was usually the case.  In the beautiful rolling hills here in NW Wisconsin, some of the crops are planted in more curves, not rows.  The artistic beauty of the farmland is still present, but the ripple effect is not as frequently seen.  This ripple effect can also be found with some other crops, but it is much more evident with corn.  Think about our classic American tribute: America the Beautiful. Remember those "amber waves of grain"...waves. You can just see it rippling in the wind.  Although I usually picture wheat for that particular song visualization. Okie dokie...another important crop beautifying the landscape.

Now you may be thinking.... Julie what you been smoking? Or drinking?  Actually, nothing at all. Nothing that would hinder my ability to go out and enjoy the beauty of the season and also the joy of photography. The patterns and "ripples" in nature are a joy to behold and also to photograph.  Anyone that has travelled down a country road, especially this time of year...knows what I mean.

Antelope Canyon, Arizona

It's nice to appreciate what are seemingly the commonplace things in our world, things that perhaps we need an extra nudge to notice. There is beauty to be found in the cornfields. Beauty and patterns. Even if you are not a photographer...it's nice to explore the beauty in the everyday. Nature is full of interesting patterns. Another one that comes to mind is the ripple effect in stone that creates the illusion of waves.   An excellent example of this is found among the walls of the Antelope Canyon in Arizona. Just look at the way it could be perceived as ripples of water.

With all this talk about ripples, consider where the parallel got started...with water. Look at all the photographs dedicated to the beauty of water. I have many photos of waterfalls and it is intriguing to capture how water reacts in certain conditions.  Here's an awesome example of the Ripple Effect with water....

Photo by maxpixel.net

So enjoy the patterns of nature, what a lovely time of year to do that. When the snow starts to fly that will bring a whole new host of opportunities to looks at patterns...

Julie E. Smith

Midwest Travel Adventures: The SS Badger

 I have a wonderful longtime friend, Amy, who invited me to come for a visit to their family cottage in northern Michigan. From where I live in Wisconsin, it would be a loooong drive and of course that lovely loop around the bottom of Lake Michigan and Chicago traffic...ugh. However, Amy made the comment that there is a ferry that cuts across Lake Michigan, that might be an idea. Oh , my gosh and what a fun idea it was!  I got busy with the idea with several internet searches and then I got hooked on the idea. I formulated a game plan, and I booked my tickets!

I wasn't saving anything on travel time, but it sure made the travel more enjoyable and broke up the tedious time behind the wheel. If I had driven entirely by car, it would have been approximately 9 1/2 to a 10-hour drive. That time doesn't include meal stops, potty breaks and the evitable: "Oh, my Gosh I have to stop for a minute and get a picture of that...Wow!" People who travel with me know I am a real shutter bug; I can hardly wait to document the trip in photos. So, on the boat I could take as my photos as I wanted and did not have to worry about keeping my eyes on the road. The SS badger leaves from Manitowoc, Wisconsin and takes a scenic, leisurely ride across Lake Michigan and arrives in Ludington, Michigan about 4 hours later.

First and foremost, I love the name SS Badger! What a great tribute to the Wisconsin Badgers.  Upon my arrival in Manitowoc, I decided to go to the port and check out where I would be checking in for the ferry ride the next day. Originally, I was going to make the 4 1/2 jaunt across the state of Wisconsin and try to make it by 1 pm boarding time.  This was supposed to be a fun trip to eliminate stress, not create it. So with encouragement from friends, and my husband, I booked a hotel and would board the next day. Nevertheless, when checking out the waterfront I came across this fellow: a 14 ft. high Badger statue named: "Shipbuilder". The sculptor, Carl Vanderheyden, choose the name to pay homage to the long shipbuilding history in the city of Manitowoc. The fact that it is a Badger in the state of Wisconsin and right by the SS Badger dock...well that is an easy connection to make. It is an interesting statue, although a bit creepy if you look up into his eyes.   It's almost as if he is getting into attack mode.  Although makes for some great photo opps on the waterfront.

 

The SS Badger was originally built in 1952 for transporting railroad cars across Lake Michigan.  She is the largest Great Lakes car ferry ever constructed and is the only coal fired passenger steam ship currently operating in the United States.  After she began operating as a car ferry and cargo ship, car ferry traffic dramatically decreased, and profits declined. The Badger was sold to Michigan Wisconsin Transportation (MWT) company who in 1990 faced bankruptcy.  The ship's fate was rescued by entrepreneur/philanthropist Charles Conrad who purchased MWT and revised that mission for the Badger.  She was revamped to become a passenger focused ferry in 1992.   After transporting millions of passengers across the Lake, she was granted National Historic Landmark status in 2016.  Another tid-bit of information about the water route taken by the Badger, is that the route from Manitowoc to Ludington is officially designated as part of US Highway 10, so the ship completes a 565 stretch of highway spanning across fours states in the Midwest from Fargo, North Dakota to Bay City, Michigan. Not as impressive as Route 66, but nevertheless quite a long pathway.

 The system they have for loading the ship is truly amazing and streamlined. You check in, pull your vehicle up to a designated spot and leave your keys in the car.  This in itself felt weird, but they have a terrific system. Then they have a team of individuals on the "SS Badger Crew" that load all the vehicles on to the ship. That is quite an amazing feat, because this ship can hold up to 180 vehicles and also 600 passengers!  Frankly, the ship is so large and intimidating I was happy to have my vehicle loaded by experienced professionals. I have enough trouble lining my tires up properly in the carwash, much less going up the ramp and not into Lake Michigan! They looked to me like college students who had snagged a really good summer job. Young drivers, but when I was watching them...they did a great job and took great care with every vehicle. And with their bright orange vests it was easy to see that your car was not being taken by just "anybody."

Another bonus on this trip for me, in addition to seeing the beautiful scenery of Lake Michigan, I also got my "lighthouse fix" with great views of three lighthouse: one in Manitowoc, one in Ludington and one in Charlevoix. I enjoyed looking up the histories of these structures and once again marveling at the fact that there is a higher concentration of lighthouses surrounding the Great Lakes than any other place in the world. Which is not a surprise with over 10,000 miles of shoreline. As long as we are discussing lighthouses, it's also interesting that there are more lighthouses in the state of Michigan than any other state: 121 to be exact.

Manitowoc Breakwater Lighthouse
Manitowoc, WI.   

The first lighthouse I saw on this journey, was right in the harbor where the SS Badger resides on the Wisconsin side. Congress had appropriated $5,000 for the construction of a lighthouse at Manitowoc in 1837.  The original operated until 1877.  Construction of a large pier began when it was determined that a light on a breakwater was deemed more suitable. The Manitowoc lighthouse was re-built in 1918 and rises 50' high. It has an interesting design that wraps the lighthouse keeper's quarters around the tower. The previous structure had the tower and the lighthouse keeper residence separate.

Ludington North Breakwater Light
Ludington, MI.

After crossing the Lake on the Badger, drifting into the Ludington harbor I saw another iconic lighthouse: Ludington North Breakwater Light. When reading about the history of this Light, I found out why many structures are just called "lights" and not lighthouses.  Pretty logical explanation: no lighthouse keepers' quarters were attached. Simple enough, but I still have a tendency to call all such structures "lighthouses." At least now I know the distinction. 

The first Ludington light was constructed and lit in 1871. In 1924 the present tower was built with steel plates over a steel skeleton.  The unusual shape was designed to deflect the strong waves of Lake Michigan. With the SS Badger going in and out of the harbor, a summer tradition for folks is walking out on the pier to wave at the passengers passing on that gigantic boat passing by the breakwater. Conversely, as passengers we waved back to those on the breakwater by the lighthouse.  It just felt like mutual admiration and enjoyment of a tranquil, summer day.

The last lighthouse viewing, on this journey anyway, was not from the decks of the Badger, but worth an honorable mention: the Charlevoix South Pier Lighthouse.  My friend Amy and I travelled a little bit north to the city of Charlevoix. Charming little city with great shopping, cuisine and since the city is on Lake Michigan: a lighthouse! It is quite small, by lighthouse standards, but I think has a special charm.  It is owned by the city of Charlevoix, and it maintained and preserved by the Charlevoix Historical Society.  Originally it was built as a simple frame with a lantern on top.  In 1914 it was replaced with a sturdy steel structure and for years it was painted white.  In 1968, in addition to other refurbishing and restoration efforts, it was painted bright red as it remains today.

So many intriguing sights and adventures here in the Midwest!  I have always been a Midwestern gal; there is so much joy to be found right here in the Heartland.

De Rail the Train

 There's is an old adage that folks say in jest: when someone claims to have lost their "train of thought" then the jab back to that is: "it never left the station".  In my case that is sometimes true, but sometimes the train has gone barreling down the tracks racketing out of control.  I have always thought of myself as an optimist, but sometimes I have a hard time keeping my thoughts both on track and headed a positive direction.

I originally wrote this blog in September of 2021. At the time, I was dealing with my mother's declining health, her transition to assisted living and on another aspect of my life: the continued rejection of my book from book sellers. (Almost purely because of my choice of publisher, not the content....now tell me is that fair?!?) I was a wreck, my self esteem was at an all time low and I doubted almost every decision I made. I never meant to publish this, but the lessons I learned, and taught myself, become helpful in learning how to cope with stress. My Mom, who died on Christmas Day of 2021, would be proud of me for "journaling" these stressors and perhaps disseminating to others ways of dealing with stress. So here is what I was thinking last September, but the lessons I have learned from stress and grief are valuable today:

De-rail the Train

Staring at the ceiling and watching how the shadows play on the textures there. Lying comfortably and making the effort to flex, then relax my muscles in anticipation of sleep. Much needed sleep.

I practice my meditation breathing. Inhale through the nose, Exhale through pursed lips. Always makes me think of my Lamaze breathing so many years ago….

And as a woman of faith, I know that prayer helps ....in addition to the breathing exercises.  I frequently practice a mantra I heard a few years ago that really helps me feel the comfort of God's spirit with me. When you inhale think of "Grace"...inhaling the Grace of God.  When you exhale think of giving away your burdens or "Pain" to God. This does wonders for me, and helps you stay focused if you are trying to relax and go to sleep.

I close my eyes thinking that will turn off my brain just like a light switch, but it is at these times that it just opens the flood gates of thoughts in my mind and allows them to flow in all different directions.  Formulating so many different scenarios. When the tracks of my mind allow the train to accelerate to scenarios that are about the “worst case scenario’, I find myself demanding to “De-rail the train”. As strange as it sounds, I find myself repeating the mantra: De-Rail the Train until I get the disturbing, negative scenarios out of my head and bring myself back to reality. It only takes a simple tap on my forehead and once or twice repeating the chosen mantra to help me.

In addition to a mantra, to help me remove negative scenarios, especially if it is things I have absolutely no control over, there is nothing quite as helpful to me as the joy of beautiful photography. Both in taking it, and viewing others art. One can't help but have a sense of peace and Zen when looking at a photo like this one:

  Some people claim that if you think the worst, and things turn out better, well….then you will be pleasantly surprised.  I don’t think that philosophy works well for me.  It just makes me have a better descriptive image of the worst case scenario and doesn’t do anything to alleviate my worry. For me, it is better to pray, and also to remind myself of several bits of key advice that I have discovered in learning how to cope with stress.  Some may view them as empty platitudes, but for me they bring comfort and guidance. The first is from 19^th Century French novelist Balzac:

 

The next is from Kahil Gibran, author of the Prophet:

“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.”

This is something I should pay more heed to. It is good to plan for the future, but knowing that things can change is important to remember and many of those changes we don’t have control over.

So as I write these words I think of Jeannie, it would have been her birthday today. I hope and pray that you have found the peace you were so desperately looking for here on earth. May you and Alex be at peace. I think of you more often than I should and pray your souls, and my peace of mind....can finally be at rest. 

Perhaps sometimes I need to heed my own advice about finding peace.  I hope anyone reading this can find a little glimmer of hope and some wisdom in learning to deal with the many stressors that inevitable come our way.  Strive to be Happy and don't forget to breathe.

Can we Legislate Morality?

Can we Legislate Morality? This is an age-old question that has been kicked around since our Founding Fathers were drafting the Constitution and had extensive discussions on just how this young country should be operated.   This question recently resurfaced to me in light of the recent horrific shooting in Uvalde Texas, where 19 children and two teachers were killed.  Like many people I am incredibly shocked, saddened and my heart goes out to all the families.  I can't imagine their pain.  Why on earth would a person kill innocent children?  It goes beyond our understanding. Yet, in the days that follow, we ask and sadly ask AGAIN...what can be done to stop this killing that has become much too frequent in our lives? Now monumental discussions on the topic of gun control are everywhere we turn.

I was originally introduced to the philosophical debate of Legislating Morality in a political science class I took called: Politics, Law & Morals.  It was probably one of the best and most thought-provoking class I took.  Even though it was quite a few years ago, many of the debates still remain. We discussed abortion, gay rights, euthanasia and yes....gun control. And here we are today, grappling with many of the same issues.  This also came to mind with the recent discussions on Roe v. Wade.  I thought that was settled a long time ago. Apparently not. But don't get me started on that....perhaps that is a blog for another day.

What boggles my mind is the argument that you can't legislate morality. In my opinion, it is more a matter of semantics.  Laws can be passed to help formulate citizens into what the general population feels is "good and moral". Martin Luther King had some good insights on the subject:

“Morality cannot be legislated, but behavior can be regulated. Judicial decrees may not change the heart, but they can restrain the heartless.”― Martin Luther King Jr.

Martin Luther King was very wise in terms of how legislation can be used to help, in some ways, to reign in some of the terrible acts that inevitably happen in our society.  Many laws that are passed, do indeed protect and defend the moral codes that are generally accepted by the society. Then again, what moral standard do legislators follow if there are interests and rights that are in conflict? Right now I am thinking of gun control, gun owners rights and all the violence that is perpetuated in the last few years. How can it possibly be resolved to make all the people happy all the time?  Can it be accomplished without infringing on citizen's amendment rights?

There are no easy answers, it is a very complex issue.  Yet I believe more questions need to be asked if we ever can have hope of finding concrete solutions.

When thinking about the basis of law and legislation, legislation is formed by ethics and morality.  Morality stems from religion.  Yet, the definition of the moral law would depend on what society and or religion you are using as a benchmark. Is it Christianity, Hindu, Islam, Humanism?  True, many of the world religions that are used as the basis for determining moral law have more similarities than differences. Yet, differences are there and what do you use to formulate the law by still respecting the citizenries moral (and religious) beliefs?  It's a tough call, it really is.  Particularly in this melting pot country of ours.  Our forefathers prided themselves on all the freedoms we established for ourselves, but sometimes managing those freedoms for everyone brings many new challenges. If there is a will there is a way, I hope we can make things better.

Specifically, getting back to the terrible problem of gun violence in this country, I know several ideas have been tried.  I personally feel starting with the issue of mental health is incredibly important.  So many of these shootings were instigated by young people with mental health issues that had gone undiagnosed.  My thoughts are that if our schools (and church Sunday school programs, perhaps) could include a curriculum that emphasized not only good physical health but mental health.  Granted, my own children have been out of the school system for many years and I do not have a direct link to my local school system. 

 Nevertheless, I am sure improvements could be made to help students and adults understand that maintaining your mental health is JUST as important as your physical health.  The stigma of having to help (or fix a problem) with  your mental health has got to change in this country.   It took me many years to be able to say : "I have Bi- Polar disorder.  I take medication and I am dealing with it...." 

It's not something to be ashamed of. The chemicals in my brain are just different than others.  I remember my doctor telling me: "If you were diabetic you take insulin...so this is just something you do to help you function well."  I wish more people realized this, and stopped thinking that mental illness is such a stigma...something not to be discussed. So I think a good start would be education and changes in the curriculum.  When I was in school, the issue that prompted change in the curriculum was sexism and expectations for boys and girls. All the girls took home economics and the boys took shop, that was just what we were "supposed" to do. Well, I was one of the first girls who took shop class and I actually learned many life skills.  By the time my sons were in school, no matter what sex you were...home economics and shop classes were available to everyone. It benefitted everyone. Wouldn't  mandatory classes to gain an understanding of how to maintain good mental health and how to ask for help if you need it be incredibly helpful? There is progress being made: a recent article published on the NEA (National Education Association) site reported on recent legislation:

In the wake of the pandemic and the mass shootings, Senators Murphy and Cassidy, who are members of the U.S. Senate Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions Committee, said there is growing support for their legislation to reauthorize the federal mental health and substance use disorder programs signed into law in 2016 as part of their Mental Health Reform Act. It is set to expire in September of this year. The new legislation, the Mental Health Reform Reauthorization Act of 2022 (S.4170) addresses COVID-19’s devastating impact on the national mental health crisis, especially among children, by building upon the 2016 legislation to improve and expand those programs. 

“The bill provides resources to increase pipelines for mental health professionals by expanding training for those who might not traditionally be providers, like pediatricians,” said Cassidy. He said it also calls for increased resources for school-based clinics to provide counseling and mental health services, expanding access through increased distribution of telehealth appointments, and that it will build more coordinated care programs so that students receive what are called “wrap around services” that include home, school, healthcare and community touchpoints.

Kudos to the people that are trying hard to find workable solutions. I know these are questions that have been asked before, but until some workable solutions can be found...we have to keep searching. And we must continue to support the working professionals...from police officers, EMTs, teachers, clergy, medical personnel and many others who are just trying to get the job done. We must continue to Search and Pray for remedies.  Here's hoping and praying for better health for all of us in Mind, Body and Soul

For the Love of Lighthouses

It is no small wonder that I chose a lighthouse logo for the inside cover of my recent book. It's kind of my "thing"...I am fascinated by the beauty and history of lighthouses. Not only are they interesting structures, the fact that they both literally and figuratively illuminate our world is an inspiration to me.  I originally published a blog on this topic several years ago, but sometimes you have a topic that is worth revisiting.  With the summer travel season upon us, the possibility of lighthouse viewing increases! And yes....I still have a love of lighthouses and seek them out in my travels. 

Another reason that I chose to revisit one of my favorite topics is a gift I received recently from a dear friend of mine. (Thank you so much Joan...you know I love it.)  It is a framed stitchery of a relatively famous East coast lighthouse: The Thomas Point Shoal Lighthouse, located in Chesapeake Bay.  It is the most recognized lighthouse in Maryland.  Looking at the beautiful stitchery I realized that I "should" know this one, but I had to do my research on it until I identified it. 

Thomas Point Shoal Light-Built 1825, Chesapeake Bay

 Its unique structure makes it stand out as not the standard style of lighthouse. It was originally built in 1825 and was modified several times and is the only screw-pile (construction style) lighthouse in the bay which stands at its original site.  A photograph of the stitchery, does not do it justice to admire the colors and textures, but the above photo shows the unique lighthouse that the stitchery was based on. 

Fellow admirers of Lighthouses will agree with me that these majestic structures provide an inspiration and tales of their colorful histories abound. Not only are they interesting to visit, they provide an ideal subject for photography. They always "stay put" and don't move while you frame out that perfect shot.  Also, it never ceases to amaze me that no two lighthouses are alike and they are as varied as the shorelines they beautify.

 I believe Lighthouses have evolved from their historical roots as a guide to ships in turbulent waters and rugged, dangerous coastlines to landmarks of great historical significance and beauty. Not only do they serve to guide ships, but they have an air of spirituality about them to guide troubled souls in a world of darkness.  Their beacons shine in such a way that they provide an inspiration to all who view them.  How can one look upon a majestic lighthouse perched on a cliff or at the far end of a pier and not help but smile at its beauty.

Living in the Midwest, I feel honored that we have the greatest concentration of lighthouses anywhere in the world.  By virtue of the five Great Lakes, that provide hundreds of miles of coastline, lighthouses  were needed to provide safe navigation.  In recent years, many of the lighthouses have not continued to operate and function as navigating tools, with the advent of more technologically advanced methods replacing them.  Yet, since many are steeped in history and tradition, there are efforts to restore and maintain them. For more information, an interesting site on preservation is: www.lighthousepreservation.org

It is interesting when visiting a community that is fortunate enough to have a lighthouse; the local residents utilize it as a focal point and a tool for orienting. “Oh, that cottage is located just south-east of the lighthouse”, one might say; makes things easier to pinpoint.  Also, many times a specific lighthouse is symbolic to the area in which it is found and has unique characteristics to only that lighthouse.  That is the exciting thing about lighthouses: each one is different and each one has their own special features and attributes. Not all are the tall beacons rising high on a rocky cliff.  Many are actually relatively small structures, but are situated on a jutting landscape so as to shine their light on the water.  It never ceases to amaze me the different sizes, shapes and features inherent with all the different lighthouses.

When viewing, and visiting a lighthouse I try to appreciate the craftsmanship of the actual building and of course the view from the top, if one is able to gain access to the tower. In addition to the physical beauty you are surrounded by, it is wondrous to imagine the history, local lore and stories therein.

As a lover of the National Parks, I have collected "stamped entries" in my Passport for the National Parks. But did you know there is also a Passport for collecting "Stamps" of US Lighthouses? I also add little photographs to mine. The Passport is available from the United States Lighthouse Society.  I was surprised, and delighted, that the US Lighthouse Society is based out of the same small Washington town that I have visited several times; my sister-in-law lives there: Hansville. Several walks along the beach included trips to this charming lighthouse. The Point No Point Lighthouse was built in 1879 and is the oldest lighthouse in Puget Sound. If you are interested in more information on lighthouses and/or to get your own Passport, their web site is: uslhs.org

Point No Point Lighthouse-Hansville, Washington

When close to a lighthouse I can’t help but feel a sense of serenity and guidance, a connection between the creations of man and the turbulence of waters of Mother Nature; both the sea and the massive stretches of fresh water lakes. Here is one of my favorite iconic lighthouses in the Midwest: Split Rock Lighthouse on Lake Superior (Minnesota). It was built in 1910 and sits atop 127 foot cliff.  Now that is quite a cliff! I have visited there several times.  Tours are available and it is operated by the Minnesota Historical Society.  And I will say the gift shop is pretty awesome too for all the Lighthouse items you can imagine! Truly awesome to learn how the structure was built and to hear the stories of how it has helped mariners on the turbulent waters of Lake Superior.

Split Rock Lighthouse-Minnesota

 

St. Joseph Lighthouse ~ Michigan

Shown here is the St. Joseph Lighthouse on Lake Michigan. (St. Joseph, Michigan) Since it is situated across from Chicago on Lake Michigan, lighthouses were built at the St. Joseph location dating back to 1832, but the current structures were built in 1907. This is a lighthouse with such character and seems rather diminutive with it's small "partner" building. The lighthouse itself is not that tall, but sits atop the pier as it juts out  approximately 1,000 feet out onto the turbulent waters of Lake Michigan.  I have walked all the way to the end of the pier to take in the view from the lighthouse.  Catwalks above the pier were built so that the lighthouse keepers could access the lights when the seas were rough and waved crashed over the pier. Walking on the pier on a sunny, summer day, I envisioned what it would have been like on the catwalks with snow and ice below you.

St. Joseph Lighthouse in winter, Michigan

This particular lighthouse is frequently photographed when artfully depicted covered with snow and ice; as shown in the photo here.

So the next time you have an opportunity to visit a lighthouse, take the time to enjoy it’s unique design and think of its rich history. Ask a local about the history and the folktales of the lighthouse...I'll bet there is a story to hear.