Is there anybody out there?

"Hey You! Out there in the cold. Getting lonely, getting old. Can you feel me?.....Don't help them to bury the light.  Don't give in without a fight."
                                                                         Pink Floyd, The Wall-1979

Strains of this classic Pink Floyd song have been going through my head as it seems so appropriate for my situation currently. I'm feeling lonely, old and in the dark...with respect to my writing anyway. I have been blogging for close to four years. I have certainly had my share of ups and downs and victories. Several of my articles have found publication beyond the boundaries of my blog. Which of course is a good thing. Yet, I am almost at the point of "throwing in the towel" and giving up. Although in the words of Pink Floyd: Don't give in without a fight.

So that is what I am here to do : fight and speak up for what I feel are injustices and things that can't possibly be just a "random series of events."  I do want to fight, I don't want to give up, so I am writing this particular blog to provide a confession of sorts, and a cleansing that....well... if nothing else it will clarify in my own mind events that happened in the wonderful world of blogging.  Besides, any good therapist will tell you it's not healthy to keep things bottled up inside.

When I first started blogging I only had one blog: this one. Then when I realized the volume of material I was generating and the diversity of topics I decided to open another blog with WordPress: travelingamericablog.com As per the title, it is about travel in the USA. I have had so much fun writing all the features and I still kept up with BOTH blogs on a variety of topics, but I always funneled the travel features to the WordPress blog. My followers grew and grew and I believe the more features I wrote, I also grew as a writer. When the number of my followers exceeded 200, I decided to try my hand at advertising on my blog and perhaps I could earn a few coins for my efforts. That's where the "fun" begins. 

 When I made the decision to allow advertising on my blog, I had exactly 217 followers and  I had formatted the blog to make it very user friendly. I occasionally got comments, and I like to think folks used my site to get travel information if they were considering a specific location. After accepting advertising on my site, I went several weeks without posting anything....then as soon as I did post an article, my followers dropped from 217 to 20 within two days!!  How could 197 people decide within  a 2 day period that they didn't like my articles?! It almost didn't seems possible! I accredit it to people not liking the new advertising aspect of my blog. In any case, I had an extensive dialogue with the "chat" feature from the folks at WordPress, trying so VERY hard to see if we could figure out what happened. WordPress refused to accept the notion that my followers left because of the advertising, but what else could it be? Did 197 people suddenly think my writing was crap? Whatever the case, I ended up feeling dejected, frustrated and a failure in the blogging world.

I still don't know what happened but I sometimes feel as if nobody is out there....won't anybody at least say HI!?  It would be nice to know that I am just not banging on these keys and all my words are drifting into the "cloud" never to be seen again by mortal man. **SIGH**

Writing is an art...and all artists suffer for their art.  So here I am again. It never is good to keep all that anger bottled up inside. Look at all the paintings  with anger splashed on the canvas. Look at angry music throughout the decades. Writing is no different; as a writer it feels good to spill that anger out. So without sounding too crass...  **ck the World, I'm going to keep on writing till I die.  JES

Capturing a Memory of Warmth

Apple River Quilt Guild (from their Facebook page)

When the wind and snow are blowing, what a perfect time to be indoors with an indoor hobby.  Also a hobby that creates a practical item to use to keep that winter chill at bay: Quilting. I "dabble" in the wonderful craft of quilting, but my end products pale in comparison to some of the quilts I have seen at shows and also from friends & family that also quilt. Like just about any project or passion one decides to pursue....practice makes perfect. I am now starting work on my 5th quilt, and with each quilt I make; they do get better.  Five quilts is not many, as I said I only "dabble" but it is something fun that I enjoy.

After moving to Wisconsin, I became familiar with a quilting group in my area; the Apple River Quilt Guild.  I went to a show last fall and was blown away by the talent there. But instead of getting intimidated and discouraged by my lack of talent, it was truly an inspiration. The ladies there are so helpful to fellow quilters, and also folks just admiring the artwork; they are more than happy to discuss techniques and pointers. This is a quilt that is displayed on their Facebook page....so beautiful! I have had the opportunity to attend a few of their shows and they always are an inspiration! It's interesting to note that according to the Wall Street Journal, there are an estimated 21 million quilters in the U.S. So I have plenty of company in this "little hobby".

Quilts have a proud and honored heritage starting in Colonial America and earlier. Even before the Civil War, quilts were made by abolitionists to help raise funds and also raise awareness to abolish slavery. During war time, quilts were made to give warmth and comfort to soldiers.  In conjunction to assist the Underground Railroad, some believe that abolitionists hung quilts on the clothesline designating a safe house or directions for runaway slaves for passage to the north. An Iowa rest-stop has a building dedicated to explaining this use of quilts and there are ceramic tiles in the building that resemble quilt squares of that era. Check out my blog on this topic that includes the information about the Underground Railroad: Click on this link:   Iowa Roadways: Uncommon sight on a Common journey.

T-shirt Quilt pattern

So that 5th quilt that I spoke of is a "t-shirt" quilt for my son. He provided several of his old favorite t-shirts that he wanted to have "memorialized" in quilt form. I did learn, luckily before I got started, that t-shirts have to be stabilized with interfacing to they won't stretch and you can more easily work with the fabric. 

My husband, always the Engineer.... formulated a layout on the computer for the quilt. He used Microsoft Excel and graphed it  creating a handy-dandy chart to help us figure out "what goes where." Here's a picture of the final layout.  Its a very cool design, albeit kind of intimidating, but we have a good start on it.  As you can see it's a joint endeavor, so it will be a gift to our son from both Mom & Dad. My husband said he may even assist with sewing and assembly work. Truly a family heirloom. Wish us luck and when it's done, I will post a photo here. (but not until after my son sees it, don't want to spoil the surprise of how the end result looks...hoping it will be awesome!)

So we have all the fabric and other materials purchased for constructing the quilt, but every time I go to a quilt (and or craft) store I just can't help but Oooo and Ahhh at all the pretty colors, patterns and wonderful possibilities floating inside my head. Made me really laugh when I saw this meme...I bet every quilter in the world can relate to this! Happy stitching! JES

New Year's Resolutions? Keep on Writing...

Like most folks this time of year, I reflect back on what has transpired in the last year and also look forward to the promise of new and wonderful things ahead. I have thought about what I have achieved with my writing and what I hope to pursue in the coming year. I originally wrote this awhile ago, but am encouraged that some of my perceptions about the life of a free lance writer have actually "evolved" into perhaps a more realistic view. I've had a few articles published, completed my first book and had many ups and downs. Yet I have resolved to just keep plugging....

I am a Writer because I write, not to be defined by a paycheck. I have been published several times, but the “steady paycheck” for my efforts has yet to transpire.  I write about this today, because I know I have to come to grips with this myself, because I am the one that is most affected by attitudes of others and also my own introspective attitudes.  Attitudes that can be hurtful to me and undermine my inspiration.  Attitudes that can demean and feel condescending to me…if I let them.  So in writing about this issue that I am grappling with in my life, I am hoping it will help me come to terms with this.

 “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”
― Confucius
 

I am loving what I do, but do not receive a regular paycheck: one of the risks you take as a freelance writer.  I love my life as a writer, so far so good.

Prior to beginning my life as a writer, I had been receiving a paycheck since I was 16 years old. Through the years the size of the checks have gone up and down, which is not surprising at all considering the variety of jobs I have held.  I never really thought about it too much, because I have always had a check, big or small, they have always been there.  When my husband took the plunge and decided to retire, and I knew we would be OK (financially stable) so I could pursue my passion of writing. This being said, it is not required of me to have an income, but I have yet to adjust to the fact that I don’t have one. Then here begins the Feminist argument that women should be self-sufficient in the economic realm. Through the years the value and true monetary figure of what has traditionally been described as “women’s work”, raising children and efficiently operating a household, has never been actually determined.  Which is not surprising because it is extremely difficult to put an exact monetary value on something that is an intangible concept.  In discussing this type of work, a woman is not producing a tangible, marketable product.  I know in my heart that women have made great strides in having the value of their work appreciated by society as a whole and not just other women with the same struggles. 

In the book “The Second Stage”, by Betty Friedan (a brilliant woman in my opinion!) she discusses the second stage of the feminist movement which seeks to end the polarization of feminism and the family, and also between men and women.  Published in 1981, when I was still in college and an aspiring journalist, her words really spoke to me, and really created a stir in both feminist and relationship circles. Even though it was written quite some time ago, the validity of it still rings true.  Some ideas she presented have evolved into every day, commonly accepted practices. Sadly, some of the tired, old attitudes still exist.  I have to review my own attitudes and find what works for me and also the people that I love.

So I come full circle with this discussion, trying once again to affirm that my value as a human being is not determined by the size of my paycheck or for that matter, if there is any paycheck at all! Especially as a woman, the people I love and take care of , the meals I share with them, the flowers I tend, the journals I create....all these things provide value and beauty in my world, and the world I share with those I love. That is better than any paycheck I could receive. Betty would be proud of me...and Maya too!

Going beyond the mechanics: Finding the Joy in Phototograpy

This is not a lesson in apertures, F-stops and shutter speeds. It is more of a discussion on the subjective nature of photography and how different perspectives can improve the quality of your photographs.

Great Blue Heron--Lake Wapogasset, Wisconsin

What makes a truly great photograph? Like any art, a "great" photograph is subjective and is perceived differently by each person. As the adage goes: "One man's trash is another man's treasure", and that could be applied to favorite photos as well. I was so incredibly excited to get this shot of a beautiful Heron as he was fishing for his supper. I was relatively close to him and stood very still, he didn't seem to mind....he was more focused on his fishing. I also have a fairly decent zoom lens, which helps. In any case, I was happy with the end result. When it comes to wildlife photography, anyone who has achieved a terrific shot will tell you patience is a virtue. And takes LOTS of shots, it may take several to get the exact photo you want.

When I was journalism student in college (back in the day before digital photography....just a few yeas ago)  I took several photography classes as part of my curriculum. The mechanics of photography have changed, but the elements of style and design have not.   A great example of this propensity for subjectivity in the art of photography became very clear to me in the experience I had with this class. I kept up with the assignments and had mastered the processes involved in dark room work. Our final project required a series of 12 photos, all black and white and all based on a specific theme. Now this is a perfect way to help budding photographers hone the craft: stay focused on a specific theme and/or object and really explore all the possibilities. I choose cemeteries and beautiful tombstones. I thought it was a great topic for black and white photos; dark and mysterious and bit macabre.  I worked hard on different landscapes, lighting and I was quite proud of the end result. All our projects were shared with the class. Another class mate did her entire final project on one lone tree on the top of a hill. She probably did all her shooting in one day. She got an "A" and I ended up with a "C". Obviously the professor and I did not have the same perception of what is considered artistic and quality photographs. I will never forget how it made me feel, but it also taught me a valuable lesson. Photography is so much more than the mechanics of the process, it has to be felt from the heart. It is also an art, which of course is perceived differently by different people. So if you have a photo that you are proud of, display it proudly and share it too!

Split Rock Lighthouse:Lake Superior                      Inside the Keeper's Pantry

There are photos that are just documentation of a special event, special within their own right, then there are photos that take on an artistic rendering of the subject. The lighting, angles, focus and filters can really change an everyday object and bring out unique features. I took the above photographs of my favorite, very scenic lighthouse: Split Rock Lighthouse on Lake Superior. The color image is nice to capture the majestic cliff, icy blue waters of Superior and the details of the lighthouse itself. Yet the black and white image of the pantry in the Keeper's quarters seems to tell a story of the lonely, simple and frugal life of the lighthouse keepers. If it were depicted in color, it just wouldn't seem to have the same qualities. The simplicity of black and white photography can really make a statement and it's good to consider that depending on the subject.

The more I take photos I realize, some of the best are taken when the subjects are unaware they are being photographed. This creates a feeling of intimacy and takes away the "posed" look. When I was visiting an aquarium in Seward with my husband and son, I snapped this picture of them sitting together chatting in front of an exhibit. A very nice father/son moment... and it ended up being one of my favorite pictures of the day. So don't forget to be a little stealth with your camera, you will be pleasantly surprised what you will capture.

Nevertheless, it can also be rewarding to have a thematic element to a collection of pictures. Maybe my college photography instructor had some good points in that respect. It adds a neat perspective to see a collection of photographs that follow a theme. A Facebook page I follow: "The Northern Way of Life" always has a fantastic collection of photos about....wait for it....the Northern Way of Life. The man that started the page is a Wisconsin resident. Ya-Hoo! Looking at the photos, it's easy to see the different perceptions of all that is worth taking pictures "up north" here: a forest path, a lone fisherman, a Bald Eagle circling above a sparkling stream. The possibilities are endless and it is interesting to note that this group has close to 37,000 followers, and I can see why. It is so fun to admire the photo artwork of others and it frequently provides inspiration.

Another site that I really enjoy is sure to bring inspiration for photographers. Flickr is a photo sharing site and I have been a member since 2016. You can check out flickr with the following link:https://www.flickr.com/people/141888018@N06/ This takes you to my page, or you can just look at flickr.com. There are so many talented photographers there and speaking of themes, you can do any search and it will bring up in amazing amount of photos on a range of subjects. I lately have found an interest in the amazing diversity and character to be found in photographing old barns.

Sounds boring, but they have a story to tell. Just search "old barns" on flickr and you will be amazed at all the cool buildings and settings you will see.  When I did that search I came across the old barn in Wyoming at the Grand Tetons National Park.  It is an amazing iconic structure and once you see it with the mountains in the background you definitely remember it.  I went to Wyoming a few years ago, and when I saw the photo it still jumped out to me as the Tetons. Wow! I also discovered that it has a specific name: The Moulton Barn. Discoveries like that are exciting and seems to shout: "A picture is worth a thousand words". And also worth sparking a thousand memories.
The more you view others photos the more inspiration you will find to enhance your own. ENJOY the search. JES

Oh Deer, Oh My!

"OUCH!!"

So one week ago, deer hunting season opened in my state of Wisconsin, and not only is it deer hunting season...it's mating season for those young "Bucks" and sometimes in their haste to find a mate, the results aren't so pretty.  About a week ago, our van was struck by a rather large buck as we were traveling about 60 mph on a Wisconsin county road. It was pitch black out and it happened so fast we hardly had time to react. He (about an 8 point buck) had almost cleared our van, to the other side of the road, but clipped our front quarter panel on the passenger side and knocked out one of the front head lights. Luckily, my husband and I were not injured and we could surmise that the deer was not killed (instantly anyway), he was not on the road and apparently had gone off into the woods. Now of course we count our blessings, it could have been much worse. Yet, it was enough to rattle anyone.

So with a little research, I found out Wisconsin ranks 4th as the state with the highest deer/car collisions. (Odd...seems to me like it should be #1, based on my recent experience) The top 5 states for deer/car collisions are as follows: 

1. West Virginia
2. Montana
3. Pennsylvania
4. Wisconsin
5. Iowa 

Of course these rankings vary from year to year, but these states usually make the top rankings.  A few years back, Wisconsin was ranked #7 and we have moved up to the #4 slot...Oh, Boy, lucky us.

According to State Farm Insurance,  while the number of miles driven by U.S. motorists over the past five years has increased just 2 percent, the number of deer-vehicle collisions in this country during that time has grown by ten times that amount.  Deer populations are growing and their habitats are being displaced by urban sprawl. Sometimes when their populations increase, the environment can't support the population and they subsequently starve or various diseases runs rampant. I am not a hunter, but I certainly can see how hunters can help to find a balance for this particular species. They are most definitely not endangered. Depending on where you live, this is a real problem with no easy solutions.  With respect to the collision problem, the most important thing is to be even more vigilant this time of year, especially at dusk and dawn. Yet, even being vigilant.....sometimes collisions can't be avoided.  Here are some important reminders and pointers that could maybe even save your life: (Published by GEICO insurance, Nathan Erb:)

When driving this fall, you should:

1. Watch for the rest of the gang. Deer are pack animals, and rarely travel alone. If a deer crosses in front of you, chances are there are more nearby. Slow down and keep an eye out for more deer darting across the road.
2. Timing is everything. Deer are most active at dusk and dawn: periods when your vision is most compromised. To add to their terrible timing, deer are on the move during mating season (between October and January) when you’re more likely to travel after the sun sets. Slow down and stay alert, especially after dark.
3. Wear your seat belt. It may not prevent a collision, but if the inevitable happens a seat belt can reduce injuries. This is especially true if you lose control and collide with something bigger, and more stationary than a deer.
4. Take a moment to reflect. First, look for the road signs. The yellow diamonds with the deer on it are placed in high-traffic areas for deer. You may also spot a deer because their eyes will brightly reflect a car’s headlights, making them easier to spot.
5. Stay Center. On a multi-lane road, the center lane is your safest bet for avoiding a deer collision, as long as your local traffic laws permit it. This gives deer plenty of space; and in case your vehicle does startle them, it gives you more time to react if one darts onto the road.
6. Stay the course. If you see a deer, brake firmly and calmly, and stay in your lane. Swerving could make you lose control of your vehicle and turn a bad situation much worse. Not to mention, deer are unpredictable, and you could swerve directly into their changed path.
7. Honk! Some experts recommend that one long blast of the horn will scare deer out of the road. Do not rely on hood whistles or other devices designed to scare off deer—studies have shown them to be largely ineffective at minimizing accidents.

So in light of what happened with our collision, sometimes circumstances like these are a perfect place for a little humor to minimize the sting. I came across this meme that really gave me a chuckle, you can almost hear the deer talking to you...Is that a threat buddy?!

               So drive carefully out there folks. Be Safe.             JES

Courage: Going beyond your Comfort Zone

Take the first steps....

I have heard that personal growth and achievement can truly happen when a person goes beyond their “comfort zone” and does something out of character to really “shake things up”. Now this is hard to do because complacency is just so well…comfortable.  In my years of writing I have never written (in a public format anyway) about my own struggles with depression and bi-polar disorder. 

Yet, in light of the current changing social fabric, there exists a real need to change our attitudes about mental health issues. We need to stress the importance of free discussions about these health concerns.  It truly is a public health issue, not a “private concern” to be kept behind closed doors. If a mental health concern only affected the person afflicted, then yes, it could remain private, but all too often it affects family and others in the community.  My hope in having open discussions on this topic is that it will help others to be more willing to change and perhaps lead us all towards helpful, viable solutions. If nothing else, I hope people can become more open about discussing mental health issues.

I was prompted to write this after viewing a PBS special entitled: “God Knows where I am.”  It is the true story of a well-educated New Hampshire woman who was diagnosed with severe Bi-Polar disorder and psychosis. She received psychiatric care and had several family members working to help her cope with her illness. After years of fluctuating results in her progress, she had made the decision to refuse treatment and any medications. She secured a voluntary release from the hospital and with her new found freedom consciously adopted a homeless lifestyle.

She had left the hospital in early October and was able to find shelter in an abandoned farmhouse, not too far from a main road. There were orchards nearby and she collected apples to store up before the snows of winter hit. She kept an accurate journal of all her thoughts and how she would ration all the apples. She took a bucket and melted snow for drinking water. Even though she was free from the constraints of a hospital, she imprisoned herself in the abandoned farmhouse until she starved to death. This was a very powerful program that brings up many important issues about society’s treatment of the mentally ill and displaced. A panel after the program brought forward many of the problems of both the medical and legal communities in dealing with these issues. Patient rights have to be addressed and this issue was commented on by Carol Bernstein, with the American Psychiatric Association. She states: 

  

“These are disorders that affect how people think and how they observe things and how they understand things. When that abuts up against the issue of somebody’s rights of who they are and where they are…..we have a conflict in society.”

Recognizing and pin pointing these issues in dealing with mental illness is the first step in finding viable solutions and quality care.

My story has a much happier outcome than that of Linda Bishop. My illness first surfaced as post-partum depression and then I was later diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder. I was fortunate in that I received good care and had a wonderful family that supported me throughout. My illness was not quite as intense, profound or long-lasting as hers. I remember on several occasions my psychiatrist telling me: “Not to worry, you basically have Baby Bi-Polar”. I guess every mental illness can have varying degrees and levels, just as there are so many differing personalities.

Yet, the important thing to remember is that it is a silent disease, with no outward visible signs of suffering. Therefore, to help each other we HAVE to learn to talk about mental illness and take away the shame. It’s probably more prevalent then we realize.

It’s therapeutic for me to talk (and write) about my own struggles.  Perhaps this opens the door for me (and others I hope) to begin discussions on the topic. I hope this helps myself and others to go beyond the “comfort zone” and open our eyes to new growth.