Hopefully

 Hopefully....Now there is a powerful word that I seem to be using both in conversations and my unspoken thoughts.  Hopefully Spring will be coming soon. Hopefully the War in Iran can be resolved soon.  Hopefully the economy will improve.  Hopefully the environment will be protected.  Hopefully my family (including myself) will stay happy and healthy. The list goes on and on. I was thinking I want to be optimistic, and in the same token shield myself from such mental distress as to not be able to function with day to day living.  I want to be hopeful and proactive with making the world a better place.  Yet sometimes I think to myself is it blind optimism to approach the troubles of our lives this way?  Is it looking through the world through Rose Colored glasses as a manner of survival?  I am still am not sure how to answer that, but I looked to the wisdom of a man who brought much hope to many people: Barack Obama.  I really miss his leadership and I am stressed beyond belief about what is happening with our current administration.  I know this country has been through many tough times, but I'm sure he had much to say about the concept of HOPE and was even included in the title of his book: The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream.  (2006) Granted it was two years before his Presidency, but he had hope and optimistic visions for us all. One of his quotes about hope really inspires me to keep on hoping:

So the tricky part for me is how does one define "hope"? For me it is allowing me to keep my Rose Colored glasses of optimism on longer enough to allow me to see the magic of possibilities there.  Seeing the wonder of our world that exists, but having the strength and determination to take the glasses off to see the harsh realities of the world.  I believe that only when we have seen the true realities of what can exist and experience,  can we hope to strive for a better world.  Having the opportunity to experience the good, allows us to hope for and walk the pathway to achieving better lives.

Perhaps this seems too philosophical for many of the concrete problems that we deal with, but it's a matter of survival for many of us.  I can't get too entrenched in serious world problems without taking into consideration how it affects my day to day living and my capacity for carrying out my tasks.  I'm not looking for a cop-out, I'm just looking for survival.  I have to hang on to my Rose Colored Glasses for survival without going stir-crazy. I occasionally take a peek over the rims for a glance at reality. As I finish up this blog post, it occurs to me that it is the first "official" day of Spring and the weather forecasters are predicting the 60's. Now that is encouraging and Hopeful.  Stay Hopeful my Friends.

                                                                                                                Julie Etta Smith

Letter Writing--a Lost Art? (Let's hope not!)

I spend a fair amount of time writing: journaling, book projects, blogging...but I am hard pressed to think of the time I actually sat down and penned a letter to someone. Can you think of that time?  Not a message on social media, an email or a text, but an honest to goodness pen to paper.  It can be very rewarding to send and receive an actual letter.  I wish I would write more often to friends and family, but it's just so easy to take the quick and easy way.  Think about the time you sent a letter, wasn't it gratifying and did it make you think..."Gee I should do this more often?"  

There are so many choices on how we communicate today.  Depending on what needs to be said, it may be something as simple as a quick text.  I'm from the generation that if you wanted to talk to someone it was as simple as picking up the phone...that was attached to the wall, of course.  We never had to worry if it was a good time or not...we just called. If they couldn't talk they would let you know, not having to "let it go to Voice Mail"  Granted, it is nice to have options for getting a message to someone.  Yet, sometimes I get nostalgic for a simpler way of communicating. That leads me to the nostalgic art of letter writing. It's sad that writing a letter seems to be "old fashioned" , but writing allows us to express yourselves fully.  A letter also provides the flexibility that the recipient can read at their leisure and take the time to soak in the contents.

I wish I was better about writing letters,  Once I sit down and do it I do find a certain sense of satisfaction and a connection to the recipient.  Several years ago I included in my New Year's Resolutions to write a letter to a family member or friend at least once a month.  A good goal indeed and I started out pretty well, but it fizzled out by the time the tulips arose. I would like to try to do a better job with this goal, but perhaps not strict quotas on how often or how many. 

After my Mom passed, among the photographs and other mementoes were packets of letters she had saved from my grandmother filled with news about things going on back at the farm in upstate New York. It was fun to read what all my cousins were up to as kids. Also, were several love letters that Mom had received from Dad while they were dating.  You just can't have a more valuable treasure.

 I was recently inspired on the topic of letter writing by my reading of the book: The Correspondent by Virginia Evans.  The book was a gift to me by my sister-in-law who thought I would enjoy it. (Thanks Christy!)  I did enjoy the book very much, but it had a slow start in capturing my interest. At first the main character seems like a bitter old woman who was quick to complain about many seemingly innocuous details in her life.  In some ways it prompted me to hold a mirror up to my own life; I hope I'm not becoming a bitter old woman. Yet, reading this book would make many people take a second look at their own lives and relationships and perhaps find a way to create better relationships.  The foundation of good relationships is good communications.

This book is structured as a compilation of letters written by and to the main character: Sybil Van Antwerp, a lawyer and divorcee who communicates with many of the people in her life via letters.  Some of them are emails, but still constructed in such a way as to be classified a letter. Also many of her letters were quite formal.  As the story continues, you begin to realize that some of her indignant attitudes are a mask for her own vulnerabilities.  One of the reviews of the book called it a "...masterpiece in human frailty."  I don't want to say too much more about the book to guard giving it all away.  It is a good read and an inspiration in many facets of one's relationships. 

So there it is...I really would like to improve communications with my family and friends and hopefully with an occasional letter or two.  I have bins full of fancy stationery, cards and stickers that  I REALLY should put more to use!  Keep on Writing!    Julie Etta Smith

Seeking Similarities

 In the current political climate, there seems to be so much divisiveness and strife.  The polar opposite opinions seem to pull us even further apart than "normally"...whatever normal is.  I frequently seek solace in my faith. In doing so, I am not trying to solve todays contemporary problems but to find the strength to continue to fight the good fight and to also find clarity and solutions for the problems at hand.  I also hope beyond hope that some of our community and world leaders can also find clarity and solutions. 

However, this is not a blog post about contemporary politics, rather it is about contemporary faith. It is amazing when you think how specifically different denominations have changed throughout history.  So many of the changes started with Martin Luther posting the 95 Theses to the door of the church, sparking the Protestant Reformation. In many ways that was just the start of monumental changes that continue today.

Any church that I have ever attended, the fellowship was comprised of many different backgrounds/ denominations.  It is rare to find an individual who was born, raised and died within the exact same denomination.  Many seem to have different spiritual paths. If you talk to your fellow church goers, in any church, I bet you will find a diversity of backgrounds. For example, there is probably a large sampling of Lutheran, Presbyterian, Methodist and also Catholic.  A little research revealed to me that there are 46 different types of Christian denominations! That number can vary depending exactly how you classify the groupings. With so many diverse denominations that still consider themselves “Christian”, there are characteristics that make each church unique, but also values that bring us together: the ties that bind.  Denominations within the Christian church are put in different categories based on different characteristics including theology and worship practices. Even though there are distinct differences in the worship, I truly believe that our similarities are more numerous bringing us together in weaving the fabric of our spiritual lives.

I myself was raised in a Unitarian Universalist church and I later gravitated to a Methodist church.  My Grandmother was a devout Methodist and I remember how comforted and enriched she felt by her Methodist faith.  I married my husband in the Methodist church and attended a Methodist church for years. We later attended a Presbyterian church, after moving we went to a Congregational church…then currently attend a Covenant church. Frankly I had never heard of a Covenant church before.  Yet, that’s the beauty of so many Christian denominations you can feel right at home when a church is following the teachings of Christ and honoring the wisdom that can be learned from the Holy Bible.

Another recent journey made me think of the ties that bind us as Christians, no matter what our denomination. While visiting my son is Alaska, we went to visit The Shrine of St.Therese near Juneau. It is a beautiful, serene setting paying homage to Therese de Lisieux, chosen as the patron saint of Alaska.  The choosing of saints is a practice by the Catholic Church and this was a place that was a Catholic pilgrimage.  Nevertheless, the beauty and serenity of the place made me feel very welcome, even as a non-Catholic. I felt open to being spiritually uplifted. There is a chapel built with beach stone, a walkway that goes through the woods and close to the ocean.  We even saw several whale spouts out on the water.

 Also on the property is a large prayer labyrinth. My son and his partner walked the labyrinth, in the warm September sun, and got quite the workout.  I spoke with my son about walking the labyrinth; he felt it was a long and winding journey, perhaps an analogy for life itself. Sometimes it would be tempting to quit, but you must see it through to the end. Yet, in following the path it also provided a mental “cleansing” of sorts.  Just as our walkway through life, it is a different journey for everyone.

Prayer Labyrinth at the Shrine of St. Therese

I’m sure there were differing spiritual backgrounds for everyone visiting that shrine, but there was a feeling of serenity and tranquility. There seemed to be a shared goal of peace and unity that transcended any denominational differences. So our spiritual roots may be diverse, but I think it is beneficial to uplift the similarities and not dwell on the differences.  As I mentioned before the "Ties that Bind" is a wonderful concept in how our similarities bring us together. The expression “the Ties that Bind” originates from a beautiful hymn:  Blessed be the Tie that Binds .(written in 1792)  It is an old hymn, but has the enduring quality of a hymn with a wonderful message. The message it sends is a powerful one: 

Blessed be the tie that binds, Our hearts in Christian love; 

The fellowship of kindred minds, is like that to that above.

Before our Father's throne, We pour our ardent prayers:

Our fears, our hopes, our aims are one.

Our comforts and our cares.

We share each other's woes, Our mutual burdens bear;

And often for each other flows the sympathizing tear.

There are differences of course in matters of our spirituality, but if we seek out the similarities, they can bind us together for strength, clarity and love.

    Julie E. Smith

Taliesin-Celebrating the beauty of the Wisconsin Landscape

Balcony in the main residence at Taliesin

The rolling hills in the driftless region of southwestern Wisconsin are the home of Taliesin, an estate with several buildings on it created through the eyes of America's most celebrated and imitated architect.  He had a knack for creating in such a way as to bring the building and it's surroundings together.  Celebrating nature and also melding form and function.  Wood, Glass & Stone; some of the most important elements in his creations. He was raised in Spring Green, Wisconsin and even if you are not familiar with Taliesin, you can probably guess that I am talking about Frank Lloyd Wright.

Frank Lloyd Wright, circa 1926

A recent trip to Spring Green and Taliesin inspired me to pen this blog. I know sometimes dates are just numbers, but I found it interesting and ironic that Frank Lloyd Wright died in 1959...and I was born in 1959.  It makes me feel younger and/or older... I'm not sure which.  In any case for me that was a unique bit of trivia. 

Taliesin has a unique pronunciation: TAL-ee-ESS-in.  Once you have heard it correctly pronounced a few times it is easy, but it did take me a few times.  Wright decided on the name of his 800-acre estate to honor his Welsh heritage. Taliesin means "shining brow " in Welsh. His home was built on the "brow" of the hill to have a vantage point for viewing the rolling hills of the landscape. In true form of many of his architectural visions, he wanted the building to be treated as a n element of nature. He knew that if you build a structure on top of a hill, then you lose the hill.  As Wright himself explained: "It should be of the hill, belonging to it, so hill and house could live together each the happier for the other."

I am not a student of architecture, but nevertheless it is fascinating to tour this place and learn about some of the unconventional types of building styles that Wright introduced. For example, the concept of "open air" design and having rooms flow one into the other, i.e. living room into dining room, with no separation, was an idea that Wright really encouraged in his designs.  The Victorian style of design required separate rooms and many walls to divide them.  Wright insisted on a more open design. He also developed a concept  he called Compression and Release, creating a low, intimate space that suddenly opens up into something expansive and full of light.  When you step from a smaller space to a larger room full of light and height, the room seems more alive.   It makes the presentation of a high vaulted ceiling that much more grand. An interesting concept, but when touring Taliesin, my husband, who is 6'2" had to really watch his head in the contracting and expanding process. Wright was 5'7". 

Wright's private residence was at Taliesin, but several buildings on the estate were also dedicated to a boarding school: Hillside School. He had it built for his aunts, who were teachers with a desire to run one of the first co-educational boarding schools in the country. The school operated only from 1901 to 1915. The building remained idle until 1932, when it was remodeled and used to house the newly founded Taliesin Fellowship, a school for apprentice architects.   The foundation and general philosophy of the school was a hands on approach.  Several of the early students started by remodeling the Hillside School and adding a 5,000 square foot drafting studio.

Salvaged pieces: Blossoms of the Soul
 

Many of his design styles were also heavily influenced by his love for Japanese culture.  He made several trips to Japan, and spent a fortune as a collector of paintings and sculptures for his home in Spring Green. Some of his architectural styles were also influenced by his concept of a building's "spirit", which he felt was more important than it's geometry or physical form.  Following devastating fires at Taliesin, Wright was able to salvage several pieces of artwork and sculptures.  Frequently he incorporated them into the rebuilding of the structure with the believe that the spirit lives on and is incorporated into the new building. 

Wright and his apprentices called these features "Blossom of the Soul."  

Here is a photo of a salvaged sculpture that was literally embedded into the masonry at Taliesin. The sculptures were not meant to be just a historical footnote, but rather to become a new part of the buildings character.

Prior to visiting Taliesin, I just viewed Frank Lloyd Wright the way most of the general public does: he was a man of great talent who achieved and pioneered many techniques/styles in architecture.  Yet, like many accomplished geniuses he had an interesting and an often troubled life.  There was so much drama and tragic events in his life that sometimes it was amazing he had the strength and tenacity to deal with it all. Yet, the love of his work and passion for his art made him persevere. 

Both the joys in his life and tragic events are beautifully crafted in this book: The Women by T.C. Boyle. The book is not a true biography of Wright, but rather historical fiction.  The events that  took place really happened but the conversations and inner most thoughts of Wright were embellished to tell the story. He had three wives and a mistress.  (maybe more than one mistress, depending on how you define mistress) His first wife gave him six children and there were also several illegitimate children. Fires  struck twice at Taliesin, and Wright rebuilt each time. One of the fires was arson, started by an employee on the property.  After starting the fire, he killed people with an ax if they were seeking to escape. Gruesome story. Seven people were killed in that fire, including  Wright's true love and mistress: Mamah Borthwick Cheney. He had originally built Taliesin as a place they could be together: shielded from aggressive reporters and the public sentiment regarding their non-married status.

The book is fascinating with insights about the personal life of these famous architect, yet the narrative can be quite confusing because it is not in chronological order.  The events actually occurred, but bounces back in forth in time. For example, the two fires are Taliesin are discussed in the book, but the second fire was documented first.   Perhaps the author formatted it this way to force the reader to gain a better understanding of what happened when.  When I first started reading this, to keep everyone straight, I had to write down out the names of his wives, and when he was married to whom. Nevertheless, it provides some insights into the life of this architectural genius.

So, have I piqued your curiosity? After visiting Taliesin, it confirmed my thinking that when one travels  to visit a specific place it’s always good to do your “homework” before AND  after the trip.  You can learn so much more and it opens up new windows on the given topic. What is more exciting than to make new discoveries?

If you are interesting in visiting Taliesin and finding more about Frank Lloyd Wright--here is the link to the website: https://www.taliesinpreservation.org/tours/

                                                                                                    Julie Etta Smith

"What was the name again?.....Abby...Someone...Abby Normal."

Laughter truly is the best medicine & Mel Brooks knows how to provide that medicine.  I have had 2 surgeries in the past 3 months, so having good "medicine" is on my mind.  Of course the pharmaceutical route is important for healing, but of course laughter and a positive mental outlook definitely helps the healing process. Both recent surgeries brought to me some ideas for healing with laughter and relaxation.

I admit it, the Mel Brooks humor really appeals to me, especially in the classic Young Frankenstein. If you've never seen this comedy classic, this particular scene Gene Wilder (Young Frankenstein) asks his assistant where he got the brain from to put into the man they are attempting to bring back to life. Igor (Marty Feldman) says "Abby someone...Abby Normal."    What follows is Gene Wilder's dialogue chastising Igor for putting an abnormal brain in his creation.  This clip from the Young Frankenstein movie always makes me laugh, it's a classic.

The reason this little movie clip came to my mind, is the fact that my recent mammogram showed an "abnormal" test result requiring further testing and a biopsy.  Luckily the biopsy turned out benign.  I had out-patient surgery, a lumpectomy, and I'm going to be fine. Yet, it was pretty nerve wracking until I knew what was happening.  Seeing the "Abnormal" show up when checking my test results on line caused some worry.  Sometimes I think I should wait for a call from the doctor's office instead of trying to figure out what "abnormal" means. In any case, I am glad that by brain has a tendency to look for the humor in situations, to diffuse the worry and/ or stress. Hence the Abby Normal joke. It's an oldie but a goodie.

Looking for humor is nothing new for me, I started as a young girl.  My Grandmother subscribed to Reader's Digest.  when visiting with her, I always turned to the humor sections first; especially Laughter : the Best Medicine. So many of the little stories could always make me laugh. Maybe it is a bit "old-fashioned" but I subscribe to Reader's Digest, mostly for the humorous anecdotes. 

My most recent surgery, a Total Knee Replacement, brought to mind a therapy that is good medicine, but not necessarily laughter: it is the importance of relaxation.   When I was in the hospital, waiting for surgery and also in recovery, I really enjoyed the soothing music and tranquil nature scenes played in each room.  I am sure most people have seen these types of channels on programming meant to relax and sooth the patient.  Well, studies show that it really does help people relax, lower blood pressure and provide an atmosphere of caring.  A good state of mental health can also provide good results on the physical aspects of healing.  It helped me.  In the bottom corner of each video is the acronym C.A.R..E.  Anytime I see an acronym....well I just gotta know what it stands for.  So I looked it up and it means: Continuous Ambient Relaxation Environment.  Perfect. I just love it.  It also is connected to a web site and mobile app.  From their site: "The premier relaxation programming for healthcare settings, The C.A.R.E. Channel is produced to comfort patients, families, and staff over the full 24-hour cycle. This highly effective therapeutic tool significantly contributes to improved satisfaction and patient outcomes, and helps you create a healing environment for patients, families, and staff.

It was awesome when I was there, and was much better than listening to the news of the day and/ or hearing health monitoring machine alarms going off.  So after getting home, I discovered that on their site, they even offer  subscriptions to their relaxing videos and music via a desk top site or a mobile app.  I considered it, but like many apps, it comes with a free "trial" period followed by a monthly subscription period.  I decided for my purposes, it just wasn't worth it.  Besides, I did discover that if I need a "fix" of comforting C.A.R.E. videos that can be found on YouTube. Just type in "care channel" and you can watch a free demo video.  It's more addictive than Oxycodone.  When my husband and I were waiting for my knee surgery, it was kind of unique to see on the video places that looked amazingly familiar that we recognized from our travels.  Pretty sure that included scenery from Glacier National Park and the Apostle Islands.  Since there were several that looked so much like the cliff formations of the Apostle Islands in northern Wisconsin, I can't help but wonder if the C.A.R.E.  channel features "localized" programming...Perhaps.  Either way, it has helped my recovery.

So during my recovery, I have also made a few little jokes with myself that are not really suitable for print.  Nevertheless,  it does feel good to laugh.  It's good medicine.  

Julie Etta Smith

Embracing the Silver

Sometimes, something just clicks to help you make a decision that you have been grappling with for a long time. After almost 2 decades of dying my hair, I just recently made the decision to stop and let nature take it's course to reveal my silver and/ or gray hair. Time will tell if it will be more silver or gray, I guess it depends on your perspective.  Yet, the epiphany for me was a random video about a woman who was encouraged and "liberated" by the simple act of embracing gray hair and living an "authentic life".  That spoke to me and just like that CLICK, I was ready.

This may not seem like a big deal to some, but I bet many women can relate to the quandary of such a decision. For some it's a specific age that would factor into the decision. I used to say, "I won't stop coloring my hair until I'm 60." Well 60 has come and gone and these past few years I've been on the fence with the topic. This week it felt good to make the decision.  Embracing the silver is so much more than simplifying your beauty routine, it also brings with it a certain self-acceptance. It reaffirms aging as a process to be celebrated, not a flaw to be corrected.  

I talked to several women about this and many said that felt very satisfied with the decision to embrace their natural hair color. I friend of mine stated that she was so happy with the end result that: " I should have done it sooner". Some women also say that it provides a realization of inner beauty and embracing who you are in the "here and now", not some manufactured version of what beauty is supposed to be. 

Of course I just got started, so it may be anywhere from 6 to 8 months to return to my natural color. I know genetics play a huge factor into when one goes grey and by how much.  My Mother, who had beautiful wisps of silver in her dark brown hair, lived to 94 and never did go completely gray.  My original hair color is a darker brown like hers, so I imagine I won't get all over gray, but time will tell.  Mom never dyed her hair and I remember her saying the common colloquial expression: "I earned those gray hairs!"  (On a side note, I was probably the wild child that gave her many of those grays) So instead of covering them up I will proudly display the gray hairs that I have earned.

Which leads me to another thought about silver and gray hair as a badge of honor. Sometimes this society celebrates youth, which is fine, but the older members of society have a voice too.  A voice that is crafted by lessons learned in life.  Wisdom achieved that can be carried on to the younger.  As our world changes it best to remember that it works BOTH ways: the young can learn from the older and the older and learn from the young.  It's  also touched upon in the Bible in several places.  Proverbs 16:31 states: Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is attained along the path of righteousness.

I'm not sure how righteous I am, but it does help me remember that  I have been blessed to live this long to have gray hair. Every passing year is a gift.   Julie Etta Smith

Keep Portland Weird...the Incredible Simpsons Connection

 My Family has loved the Simpsons cartoon for years.  Scott and I were married in 1988 and the Simpsons debuted in December of 1989.  We have a shared kinship with them and almost the same anniversary. When our boys were growing up we shared countless nights of laughter being entertained by the antics of this family.  Some episodes may have been considered "edgy" and controversial, but they always seemed to be spot on and dealt with all kinds of contemporary issues of the American family.  They may have exaggerated to make a point, but the writing on the show was done in such a way that people really could relate to many of the circumstances of this family. If you are a Simpsons connoisseur like my family, not only do you know the core family characters: Homer, Marge, Lisa, Bart and Maggie, you learn many of the other characters in the town (No state!!?) of Springfield. I was intrigued to find out that much of the inspiration for the show came from Portland, Oregon.

I just recently found out that the creator of the Simpsons Matt Groening, was born and raised in Portland, Oregon. At any other time I would probably not give it a second thought...but next month we are planning a trip to Portland. This just adds to the excitement and challenge of finding some of the connections that Matt Groening made to the city when crafting his show. If you didn't already know it...The Simpsons is the longest running American animated series. Bravo!  Good for them, it's a great show.  But in my humble opinion, the older episodes were better.  Maybe back then they were not afraid to poke fun at certain institutions to make a point.

In any case, I found out that there are so many fun connections to Portland.  For starters Matt Groening's parents are Homer and Marge. His sisters were named Lisa and Maggie and Bart-an anagram for Brat-is a stand in for Matt himself.  He grew up on a street named Evergreen Terrace  and many of the character names were taken from street names in Portland. Here are just a few: Burnside, Flanders, Lovejoy, and  Quimby. I was going to give the reader tips as to which name matched with which character, but if you are a Simpson fan....you know.  Montgomery Park was cited as the inspiration for Mr. Burn's nuclear plant.  Also, in 2021 a Ned Flanders footbridge was built named after the Simpson's endearing and sometimes annoying neighbor.

When our family watched the show, we could really relate to some of the situations.  My family has always teased me that I am frequently an optimist, sometimes overly so.  They draw a parallel to me of the episode of Marge at the racetrack:

"Can't I just bet that all the horses will have a fun time?". 

In our family, we frequently spout Simpsons dialogue when the situation requires it. When I hear "Can't I just bet that all the horses will have a fun time?" then sometimes I know that maybe I'm trying to hard to "make" everyone have a fun time. Yeah, kind of strange, and perhaps a little passive-aggressive, but sometimes it works for the Smith family.

Keep Portland Weird, photo by Jimmy Emerson on flickr

I just know we will have fun looking for Simpsons connections as well as the Keep Portland Weird murals.  I wondered why they had a doughnut named "Homer" at Voodoo Doughnuts...now I know why.  Classic Homer.  

I'm Not Lost...I'm Bird Watching

I wonder where that expression:  "For the Birds" ever got started? It seems to imply it's just left overs and not the choice food or activity.  The birds around my house are not just getting scraps and slim pickings.  Only the best for my little featherd friends.  My son made the comment once..."Gee the birds eat better than we do!" Yup, it's a hobby of mine: I'm a Bird watcher. 

When I was a younger woman, I did not understand the interest in Bird Watching....now I do. There is a certain serenity in the watching, identifying and photography of birds.  The older I get, I am fullfilling a stereotype that "older" people bird watch.  I guess it is a sterotype for a reason; as a retired person I have more time to enjoy watching, listening to and snapping a few photos for my "Birder's book."  Perhpas when I was younger I was involved with other things and did not feel compelled to use precious free time looking at birds.  Yet, when one is trying to reduce stress, the opportunity to relax and view the flight of an Eagle soaring high or listen to the song of a Chickadee...well it is time well spent.

Rose-breasted grosbeak

I remember my Mom was very good at bird identification and several gifts my sister and I gave to her were bird related.  I know my sister gave her several feeders. I had given her a beautiful throw festooned with several colorful birds.  After she passed, I now have that beautiful throw to warm me on chilly evenings. Once for a birthday gift, she gave me the most fantastic "Birder's Bible": The Peterson Field Guide to the Birds.  She showed me how to use the book to idenify species and also how their coloration depends on the season. It has become a great tool for birding and I frequently think of Mom when referencing it.

Magpie in Anchorage, Alaska

The beauty of Bird Watching is that is doesn't take fancy equipment or alot of money to partake in the hobby. Just looking around your environment can bring a multitude of sightings; and not just in your own backyard.  When travelling, it  is such a treat to see birds you don't normally see at home.  When my husband and I were at Glacier National Park we saw a Stellar Jay, cousin to the Blue Jay, but a vivid and unique color of blue.  Also, when visiting my family in Alaska I always see Magpies and try to capture them in a photo.  They are kind of "bullies" in bird world, but they have the most beautiful plummage.

I saw a video the other day that made a great comparison between Pokemon and Birding. Remember Pokemon? My sons were crazy about them. The Pokemon creatures' images were depicted on cards for gameing.  The cards were collected, traded and played with. Also the Pokemon phenomina spread to almost every kind of merchandising you could imagine including a tv series, clothing, waterbottles and lunch boxes. Just about every elementary school teacher had to deal with that craze. I remember the tag line was: Gotta catch em all!  So you gotta catch them all, bird species that is. It has been said that Birding is just Pokemon for adults. There are so many varied and unique types of birds in this world that one will likely never "catch them all", but the quest is sure fun! Keep your binoculars and camera ready!  

                                                                           Julie Etta Smith

“A bird does not sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.” — Maya Angelou.

The Link between Art & Madness

Vincent van Gogh,1889

Creative people have frequently been considered "different" from the norm of the general population. In more specific terms, the artistic temperment frequently manifests itself with manic-depressive  symptoms.  Modern psychiatry has taught us that when we look at the life stories of the truly creative writers, painters and musicians, many have exhibited strong indications of manic-depression or more recently referred to as Bipolar disorder. It piqued my curiousity to find out that there is a rather extensive list of many artists throughout history who have suffered from some type of mood disorder.  A partial list contains:  Vincent van Gough, Emily Dickinson, Edgar Allen Poe, Virginia Woolf, Lord Bryon, Mozart and Hemmingway. Just to name a few...These are some of the most recognizable.  The definition of the illness has changed over the decades, but it can be determined that these artists were most likely Bipolar by the exhibited behaviors and symptoms that were recorded.

Thoughts about this topic recently came to me after reading this intriquing book: 

Touched with Fire: Manic -Drepressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament. by Kay Redfield Jamison. It's not a new idea, there has been a correlation between artistic temperment and mani-depressive states for as long as the two have existed.  Yet, this book takes the time and research to actually establish the correlation.  It presents in-depth reasearch on the lives of several famous writers and authors.  Granted, some of the book is dry and "technical" but she does a wonderful job of supporting her thesis and backing it up with facts and figures, not just suppositions.

One quote from the book, that highlights the link bewtween art and "mental distress", also points to the dilemmna of a hesitancy to pursue treatment for fear of quelching the flames of creativity. Jamison states: "Many artists and writers believe that turmoil, sufferring and extremes in emotional experience are integral not only to the human condition but to their abilities as artists.  They fear that psychiatric treatment will transform them into normal, well adjusted, dampened, and bloodless souls--unable, or unmotivated to write, paint or compose.  These fears have greatly intensified as a result of the availability of a wide range of highly effective mood-stabilizing medications."

Edvard Munch- The Scream, 1893

I know all too well about that fear of loss of creativity and the feeling of "flat" emotions from the use of "mood stabilizing" medications. I went thru a whole bevy of meds when initially diagnosed with Bipolar disorder over 20 years ago. I remember that "flat" feeling and just going through the motions of my day. I was so glad to be connecting with reality, but I just didn't feel like myself.

So when I started Lithium to help my symptoms, it became evident to me that this particular drug could help me without feeling like a "bloodless soul".  Lithium is the most commonly prescribed medication for Bipolar and generally the most effective. Nevertheless, for some people it becomes a tradeoff and a difficult choice to make: sometimes the creative process is enhanced by manic episodes. Prescription remedies seem to botch (in the patient's opinion) their "humaness" and creativity. Yet, the alternative of experiencing continued manic episodes and low depressive episodes takes it's toll on the human body. 

Bipolar illness not only worsens over time, it becomes less responsive to medication over time.  Episodes and hospitalizations can increase and sadly, when left untreated, can result in suicide.

While  I don't put myself in the same category as some of these great writers who have suffered for their art, I find some comfort in the fact that as a patient diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, perhaps there is something inside me that is actually creative, not just "crazy".  I don't have the enormous talent of Virginia Wolf, Hemmingway or Poe, yet I have indeed suffered for my art. Not just my art, but also the desire to have a so-called "normal" and happy life.

Once I finally accepted my diagnosis of Bipolar and  determined the proper medication, then things were smoother sailing. Studies have shown that people on lithuim experience few side effects of any kind and less than one third report any significant negative changes in intellectual functioning and reasoning. The creativity was still there, but when going down pathways to find my creative yearnings, I walked down a well lit path, instead of stumbling in the darkness. Perhaps some of my creativity had changed and even stifled, but I was still able to function and not detached from reality.  Hemmingway said it right: "There is nothing to Writing, all you do is sit down at a typewriter and Bleed." So true.  But I would add: just make sure you have the Band-Aids handy.       Julie Etta Smith

 

Mental Illness--Gaining Strength through Acceptance

 Dealing with a diagnosis of mental illness, and learning to accept it, is ironically enough, like dealing with the 5 stages of grief. It is tough to accept the reality of your situation, just as much as it is to accept the reality of your illness. My life became a whole lot easier once I accepted a diagnosis of Bi-Polar and found the proper medication that worked for me. I went through a slew of different meds and 2 different psychiatrists before I finally found a lifestyle and ONE medication that worked for me. As I draw this parallel with the five stages of grief, I think it is best to start out this conversation with a description of those stages.

The Kubler-Ross model, named after the physician who developed it, shows five distinct phases that people experience when dealing with a loss. The five stages of grief are listed as: 

1) Denial

2)Anger

3)Bargaining

4)Depression

5)Acceptance 

 In a grief experience, this generally means the loss of a loved one.  As applied to coping with mental illness, this can also mean dealing with a loss--the loss of a lifestyle and/or your perception of who you are as a person. It was hard for me to accept the fact that perhaps I was not processing things the way most people do and perhaps I needed some chemical assistance to do so.  I remember my psychiatrist telling me once that there is no shame in having to take medication for your brain to work properly.  A diabetic takes insulin, you just need a supplement of lithium for your brain. That explanation helped put things in perspective.

Roy Scheider as Gideon in All That Jazz

My first exposure to the 5 stages of Grief were depicted in the movie All that Jazz by Bob Fosse. Yet, at the time, I did not realize the concept applied to grief. In the movie the same concepts were applied rather to one's own impending death.  That is the way it is portrayed in the movie as the main character, Gideon, grapples with his own life situation.  It's a great movie with an intriguing storyline and phenomenal dance sequences.  Roy Scheider stars in the semi-autobiographical story of a self-destructive director/choreographer.  In the movie the incredibly beautiful "Angel of Death" visits him on a regular basis in his dreams and sometimes his drug induced visions.  All the time he discusses with the angel, and sometimes his reflection in the mirror, the 5 stages of his impending death.  Yes, it is a dark comedy, but one with an interesting message about how some of us cope with what life throws our way.

So when I think about how the stages apply to a diagnosis of mental illness, each and every stage fits perfectly when I think about dealing with my diagnosis of Bi-Polar.  First and foremost, I do think that society's pre-conceived notions of mental illness have definitely changed for the better.  Knowledge is power and the more people understand about different mental illnesses, the more they will be able to be empathetic.  Just like this poster here, we need to stop the Stigma.  

With the stigma of mental illness that is still sometimes perpetuated, that easily leads to the first stage: Denial. Nobody wants to be thought of as "crazy", it must be something else. I remember when I was first diagnosed as Bi-Polar.  Initially it was thought of as Post-Partum Depression and "this too shall pass", but years later I had difficulties again: post-menopausal.  So, it must be hormonal.  Well, that may be true, but I have come to accept that the brain chemicals and the body chemicals do work together (or fight each other). Having the brain and the body in harmony is obviously essential for complete wellness.

The next stage: Anger is a complicated stage that I definitely went through but found it really hard to cope with. My anger was focused on the illness and not the people I love, it made it hard to demonstrate that to my family.  Especially when I was initially dealing with Post-Partum Depression.  It was so frustrating for me to demonstrate that I loved my baby boy and would not hurt him for the world.  In many ways he helped my healing because I wanted to be there to care for him.  Another aspect of Anger that I found so frustrating to deal with is the sexist notion that women shouldn't get angry. Outdating notions of this still exist.  When a man gets angry, he is just being strong and assertive.  But when a woman gets angry, well... she's just being a bitch.  It's hard to fight these stereotypes, some of them are so ingrained in our psyche, but maybe we can try to rise above them.

The third stage: Bargaining to me seems to be bargaining with God. If you are perplexed as to how you got this way in life, then perhaps you would bargain to change this or that.  If only I could give up a certain behavior, then perhaps the rest of my life would be smoother.  Maybe some of my symptoms would disappear? Vowing to yourself to change something might actually help improve your situation.  Yet, finding a medical professional that you trust is probably the most important thing to help you.

The fourth stage: Depression is probably the stage that is the hardest to define. We have all had days when we just had incredible sadness and frustration, but usually those days pass. Yet, sometimes it's more than that.  The Mayo Clinic defines clinical depression in this way:

Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and sometimes you may feel as if life isn't worth living. More than just a bout of the blues, depression isn't a weakness and you can't simply "snap out" of it. Depression may require long-term treatment. But don't get discouraged. Most people with depression feel better with medication, psychotherapy or both.

So, finding out if you are just feeling blue or clinically depressed is incredibly important.  My diagnosis of Bi-Polar depression had "depression" in the title so for me it was a package deal. Lucky Me. Yet, the hardest thing for me to accept has been that my depression has not necessarily been "situational" depression, but rather a chemical characteristic of my body that I just have to treat and learn to live with. I have dealt with it over the years, but as you can imagine, EVERY medication has side effects, some worse than others.

The fifth and final stage: Acceptance is a tough one to swallow and there are days when you can bounce back up to the #1 stage: Denial.  These stages, as they apply to Grief and also to Mental Health, helps one to understand that you are not alone.  It is important to remember that some people skip stages, while others get stuck in other stages for what can be an unhealthy amount of time.  The process is different for everyone, depending on their circumstances.  

Several factors have helped me with my challenge of learning to stay afloat with a Bi -Polar diagnosis.  First, my Faith has helped me immensely to help me feel loved no matter what.  Second, my family provided support and love in spite of some of my more "difficult" moments.  Last, but certainly not least, I educated myself on my illness, various medications and utilized my strength and power to have a say in my OWN THERAPY and Healing.  Keeping your autonomy, does wonders for your self-esteem and in turn healing.  Of course you need good doctors, friends and family to assist, but remember you are the one that knows what is best for YOU.  It can be a long hard climb, but worth the effort.   

    

                                                      Julie Etta Smith      

 

Hope Springs Eternal

 

White Trillium-a harbinger of spring

As I write these words, it is the very last few days of March and there is a steady snowfall outside my window.  So typical of March to have 70 degrees and sunshine on one day, then snow and wind the next.  Nevertheless, at this juncture it can be frustrating.  Just about everyone I know is so ready for Spring. It is the same back and forth pretty much every year, yet sometimes we never get used to that. We have to have HOPE that Spring will eventually come. I took this photo several years ago on a springtime walk in the woods. The White Trillium is a woodland flower that comes up in April and May.  It is such a delicate, beautiful flower and signifies to me the coming of spring as it bursts forth above the fallen leaves of the previous autumn. Not only is it a pleasure to behold, I found out that in some cultures and philosophies, the 3-petal structure represents balance of the past, present and future and also the connection between mind body and spirit.  Such an impressive connection for something so wonderfully simple.  Sometimes simplicity is the best.

So as we wait, impatiently, for the White Trillium to appear and the moment when we can safely put away the snow shovels away, I am reminded of a mindset that helps me carry forward.  The concept of Hope and how there are certain tools we can use to foster that hope.  One of these tools is one of my favorite Bible verses: Hebrews 11:1 which states:

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

The spiritual aspect of this verse has always brought me comfort, but on the more pragmatic level, the green grass, flowers breaching the surface and the warmer temperatures are yet to be seen and felt...but we have faith and hope that those days will arrive.  Of this, I am sure.  Every March I go through this.  I am wanting to visit nurseries and start to plant flowers and plan my vegetable garden.  Yet I have to reign myself in and practice both patience and hope.  

There is also more to utilizing the art of practicing patience and hope than just horticulture and the changes of the seasons.  I get frustrated and borderline depressed when I think of the current "State of Affairs" of our country and all the changes that are taking place under the Trump administration.  I really want, and need, to think positively about the future of this country and the future of the world. 

 So many things these last few months have shocked, angered and dismayed me that I don't know where to turn for solace.  I find solace in HOPE.  I look for ties from the past that at the time seemed monumental but eventually had a way of working out. I do what I can to help make my community and world a better place. Yet, I also have to protect my own mental health and well-being. Yet even the simple concept of hope is such an important tool in making things better: "If there is hope in the future, there is literally power in the present." Zig Ziglar

That being said, I can keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward based on the premise of HOPE.    Julie Etta Smith