Embracing the Silver

Sometimes, something just clicks to help you make a decision that you have been grappling with for a long time. After almost 2 decades of dying my hair, I just recently made the decision to stop and let nature take it's course to reveal my silver and/ or gray hair. Time will tell if it will be more silver or gray, I guess it depends on your perspective.  Yet, the epiphany for me was a random video about a woman who was encouraged and "liberated" by the simple act of embracing gray hair and living an "authentic life".  That spoke to me and just like that CLICK, I was ready.

This may not seem like a big deal to some, but I bet many women can relate to the quandary of such a decision. For some it's a specific age that would factor into the decision. I used to say, "I won't stop coloring my hair until I'm 60." Well 60 has come and gone and these past few years I've been on the fence with the topic. This week it felt good to make the decision.  Embracing the silver is so much more than simplifying your beauty routine, it also brings with it a certain self-acceptance. It reaffirms aging as a process to be celebrated, not a flaw to be corrected.  

I talked to several women about this and many said that felt very satisfied with the decision to embrace their natural hair color. I friend of mine stated that she was so happy with the end result that: " I should have done it sooner". Some women also say that it provides a realization of inner beauty and embracing who you are in the "here and now", not some manufactured version of what beauty is supposed to be. 

Of course I just got started, so it may be anywhere from 6 to 8 months to return to my natural color. I know genetics play a huge factor into when one goes grey and by how much.  My Mother, who had beautiful wisps of silver in her dark brown hair, lived to 94 and never did go completely gray.  My original hair color is a darker brown like hers, so I imagine I won't get all over gray, but time will tell.  Mom never dyed her hair and I remember her saying the common colloquial expression: "I earned those gray hairs!"  (On a side note, I was probably the wild child that gave her many of those grays) So instead of covering them up I will proudly display the gray hairs that I have earned.

Which leads me to another thought about silver and gray hair as a badge of honor. Sometimes this society celebrates youth, which is fine, but the older members of society have a voice too.  A voice that is crafted by lessons learned in life.  Wisdom achieved that can be carried on to the younger.  As our world changes it best to remember that it works BOTH ways: the young can learn from the older and the older and learn from the young.  It's  also touched upon in the Bible in several places.  Proverbs 16:31 states: Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is attained along the path of righteousness.

I'm not sure how righteous I am, but it does help me remember that  I have been blessed to live this long to have gray hair. Every passing year is a gift.   Julie Etta Smith

The Benefits of 65+

The last time I remember actually wanting to be older was when I was 15 going on 16...could hardly wait to get a year older so I could get my Driver's License.  Many people wait with anticipation...wanting to be older at three important milestones in our lives: driver's license, legally drinking and being able to obtain Medicare coverage.  Sure, aging milestones are different depending on your priorities, but these three came to mind for me...especially lately when I have dealt with yet another medical insurance claim that was woefully inadequately covered by my insurance. Sometimes I just feel unlucky.  I pay my premiums, I try hard to decipher what is covered and what is not, and I still get...(excuse the French)...Screwed.  

My Husband, on the other hand has been enjoying the full benefits of Medicare for several years now.  Does he ever have to wonder...Will this be covered? Can I afford to take care of my health with preventative care testing? NO. If he does worry, I certainly don't hear about those concerns.  In any case....now that I am 60+ I don't necessarily want to get older, but when the time comes, my life will become easier when I can be covered under Medicare. Also, since my most recent debacle in the mystifying land of medical insurance...I am incredibly tempted to go without insurance completely.  What do my premiums pay for anyway!??!...not much I'm afraid. I will probably not tempt fate, because knowing my luck the day after dropping my insurance, I'd have a major accident.  So....I will just keep plodding along, try to stay as healthy as I can and avoid doctor visits.

With my latest insurance frustration, that is just what I was trying to be: proactive and healthy.  For years I have tried to do what was "right" for a woman and have an annual Mammogram. This year, and in previous years, I have been required to go back for a "second look" and this is considered by the medical community and insurance companies as a diagnostic mammogram. I have been through the emotional roller coaster ride of wondering if I had breast cancer or not.  It was such a relief to find out that no it was not cancer, just a cyst.  For that I am truly thankful.  Then the bills roll in.  Diagnostic mammograms are rarely covered by insurance. This makes no sense to me.  Women try to be proactive with our health, but then we run up against a medical billing community that stops us in our tracks.  I guess I get to a point sometimes that I feel like I can't fight the system.  I just want to cry, but I write instead.  Bernie Sanders really had some very valid points....the medical system in this country really needs improvement.

This is not a new development for me, I had a claim denied for reasons of "pre-existing condition"...and it was not.  I had the doctor's paperwork to prove it, but was saddled with a $13,000 bill. See my blog from 2/16/2021 entitled "What a Hot Mess...Health Insurance crisis in America".

I don't think I am just unlucky, or the only one with crappy insurance....I don't think I am alone in this frustration.  I just hope and pray that they will leave Medicare alone so it will still be there and functioning well when I arrive at 65.

So here's a cartoon to bring a bit of levity to a tough topic.  It is true, "you're never covered as much as you think you are."   Ain't it the Truth!! 

                                    

                         Julie E. Smith

Be mindful of your ADL's

Recently, when I take a rejuvenating hot shower, take a walk in the park or enjoy a bowl of Cheerios with fresh strawberries I count my simple pleasures like these and am mindful that my ADL's are going strong and I have the ability to do them. What are ADL's? The term ADL stands for Activities of Daily Living and is a term used by medical and health care providers  to access an individual's capacity to perform these tasks on their own. Basic daily self care routines include:

• Personal Hygiene
• Feeding
• Dressing
• Toileting
• Transferring (The ability to change positions and walk independently)  

Now all these tasks, we frequently take for granted and I am here to say: Please don't take them for granted. I have become familiar with such terminology in recent months while working to secure care for my mother. Many of the simplest routines that we take for granted, become increasingly more difficult as we age. It also has been very difficult to see the changes in my Mom in both her physical and cognitive functions.  She is doing incredibly well for a 94 year old, but the last 6 months have been rough. She is struggling with short term memory loss and sometimes it is so hard to repeat things to her over and over again. But I do, because I love her and she's my Mom. In dealing with this situation, it's always good to keep a sense of humor.  Even the Mayo Clinic has come out with studies that reveal the healing benefits of laughter. So many of the stories I could tell about laughter with my Mom are really just one of those "you had to be there", but it's good advice as a caregiver to find a little humor in every day. 

I always envisioned a "caregiver" as an individual who is physically present and providing meals, bathing and attending to all the ADL's. Even though my Mom is living 300+ miles away, it has been easier for me to cope with situations when I became willing to call myself a caregiver. No, I am not there directly assisting with all the "ADL's", but we talk every day and my sister (who lives even further away) is also very active in her care.  My sister and I have been working together as a team to assure that all her needs will be met.  My Mom did an awesome job of raising her girls, so my sister and I are working very hard to assure that her "golden years" will truly be golden for her.  Mrs. Carter had it right when she said: "There are only four kinds of people in the world-those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers and those who will need caregivers. " Rosalynn Carter

Some of these life transitions that we are experiencing now with our family have been really rough...really rough and emotionally exhausting for me.  Yet, trying to be the eternal optimist that I am, I have to admit that the process has been very eye opening and a learning experience for me. Several trips to the library have yielded much research on dementia and the best ways of helping my Mom.  It truly helps me to appreciate what I have every day and remembering to also keep gratitude in my heart.  After coming across this poem....I just sat and cried. Yet, cleansing tears are also beneficial.

So I dry my tears and pray for Clarity and Patience to face whatever the day may bring. I find joy every day in the Activities of Daily Living and I hope you, gentle reader can do the same.

Julie Etta Smith