Emotional Rescue

  I find found comfort in this meme and not just because it has a lighthouse in it. Granted that does help further the cause.  Those who know me, know that I love lighthouses for both their architectural beauty and symbolism. I really like it because it demonstrates the life advantage of sharing your sorrows and drawing strength from others. Advantages that can help just about anyone in a whole variety of circumstances. I write these words today specifically from the benefits I have found from a grief support group that I have been attending: Grief Share. 

The grief in my life that I am currently dealing with started with the loss of my Mother and 4 months later that grief was intensified by my son's loss of his girlfriend and her three-year-old son. It has been so much to handle and a rough year for our family. I am no stranger to depression...and I know when I need to pursue help.  So when I was having issues being a caretaker for my Mom and all the stressors that went with that, I decided to seek help. Well, it is evident lately that many, many people have sought counseling in this crazy world we live in. The debilitating effects of the Pandemic can in large part be to blame that there just aren't enough therapists to go around.  I was put on a waiting list for a local therapist, then I had not heard from them for months so I called them several times.  I remember the woman apologizing and by way of explanation saying: "There's a mental health crisis in this country." That may very well be true, and a definite lack of therapists!  I felt as if I needed to do something, so I pursed other avenues for help.

 Many of us that are lost "out at sea" have had to find our own life preservers. For myself that is a combination of things including journaling, prayer and recently a support group.  I have always thought of myself as a "survivor", but sometimes a group situation can help and perhaps you recognize things that you might not have seen if you are taking the journey on your own. When I found the Grief Share group it was such a wonderful blessing and has really helped and continues to help me cope moving forward. It is interesting to note that the Grief Share program is available pretty much nationwide.  It is very easy to find a group in your area by checking out their website: www.griefshare.org. It is important to remember that the site is to help you find a group and additional resources if needed, but the group meetings are in person and so beneficial to gain support on a face-to-face basis.

Many of the things I have learned from the group seem so obvious sometimes, but when you are grieving you frequently don't recognize things that might help you with your grief journey.  One of the statements from the group sums up a lot: "Your Journey from Mourning to Joy". It is a journey, and it doesn't happen overnight.  One of the things that was shared was the fact that when well-meaning people want to help you to "get over" your grieving, that implies telling you to leave something behind.  Instead, it may be better to "Move forward" with your life and you can always keep the memory of your loved one with you. Some may feel that this is just a matter of semantics, but words can have powerful impacts on our perceptions.

 Another thing we discuss at meetings is there is no set timetable for various stages of grief.   Many people know that, but frequently we get caught up in the day-to-day tasks and don't allow ourselves time to grieve.  A perfect example of this was shown in a video from the group.  It discussed a widow who could not bring herself to sort through her deceased husband's things. She was just not quite ready to face that emotional task.  Many offers for helping with the task came from people who thought it would be a good and necessary step for moving forward. The women's response was one that I would like to remember myself if I ever need it. She replied: " I am just not ready to do that now, but when I am I would love your help."

It is so wonderfully said because it doesn't put yourself on the defensive and it also acknowledges that you really appreciate the other person's offer for help.  Very diplomatic and helps the other person to respect your wishes. 

So when I picked the title for this blog: Emotional Rescue it does designate emotional help that those who are grieving can pursue.  Yet, on a personal level it is indicative of how music helps "rescue" me frequently. So I am a huge fan of the Stones. Just think of Mick Jagger singing the refrain:

"Don't you know promises were never meant to keep? Just like the night, they dissolve off in sleep

I'll be your savior, steadfast and true

I'll come to your emotional rescue"

Yes, I know it's kind of a stretch to make a correlation between getting help for grieving and a classic rock tune by the Stones....but it works for me.  I guess it's just the comfort implied by the title.  In any case, we all need to find what works for us. Sharing with others works for me with a liberal dose of music as well. 

So, if any form of Grief enters your life...and it will at one time or another, be sure to take the steps to help yourself heal. It is a process and a journey.  Don't hesitate to ask for help when needed and reach out to me with a note if you'd like. I would be happy to listen.  JES