Drop the Knife

It's always great to start a tough topic with humor. Humor really is the best medicine. So when discussing anger management, I enjoyed this cartoon with Helda and her troubles...good thing she is in a support group. 

 Sometimes anger and frustration can do nothing more than inflict pain upon yourself and not the intended target and/or source of your anger. I was thinking about this topic lately and this brought to my mind a blog I wrote several years ago about the frustration of being Ignored. The blog specifically addressed the frustration of not hearing back from editors about the publishing of articles I had submitted and being "ignored". In the article I had drawn a parallel from the movie Fatal Attraction.  In the film, Michael Douglas has a happy life with a successful career and a lovely wife until things get complicated when he has a steamy affair with Glenn Close.  Douglas wants the fling to be just a fling and tries to sever the relationship, but Close will hear nothing of that. She wants him all to herself and begins stalking him and his family with the intention of getting what she wants. It's an unsettling movie that really reflects the darker side of obsessive behaviors and the creepier side of "love gone wrong".  

 An image in that movie keeps coming back to me when I obsess a little too much about communications with people.  In the movie, Glenn Close is getting deeper and deeper into her obsession and doing nastier things then just calling and hanging up.  The specific scene that comes to mind is Close approaching Douglas with a knife in hand. Her argument with him comes to a boiling point and she declares: "I'm  NOT going to be ignored!", while at the same time psychotically digging the knife repeatedly into her own leg while walking towards him. Yikes, I know....pretty gruesome, but it does get your attention and it got his attention.

Now I would not take a knife to my leg in frustration from being ignored, but sometimes my frustration from not hearing back from people or getting a response that is not what I expected....well...it makes me go a little bit crazy. 

Yet this inward turning anger and resentment has applied to other aspects of my life besides just being frustrated with editors and my writing life. With some of the stresses I have experienced in my life lately: most notably helping my Mom to transition to an assisted living apartment, my frustration that has turned inward only seems to hurt myself.   Holding on to anger or frustration, as opposed to honest discussions does not really help any situation, except it only hurts yourself. Just like the insightful Buddhist quote here, such anger usually doesn't accomplish what we anticipate it will.

  Also like the Fatal Attraction example, in frustration and bitter resentment I am only hurting myself so I am learning to Drop the Knife. I am learning that. Also sometimes it is good to be ignored...you can find peace. Some personalities, myself included, crave attention and of course I prefer good attention; positive reinforcement.  But when the attention is negative...well..that kind of attention is not so widely welcomed. There is a certain level of life experiences that have brought me to the understanding that to be ignored is sometimes a GOOD thing.  It can bring you a certain sense of peace and frankly exempt you from some of life's unpleasant circumstances.

When I am stressed, feeling resentment or anger, I do pray for clarity and peace. I collected a few of my "anger management" verses from the Bible in helping me in this endeavor. Here are a few of my favorites:

James 1:19-21  Know this, my beloved brothers: Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

 Proverbs 14:29  He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalts folly.

Proverbs 29:11 Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. 

This last one is my favorite. There is no denying that we get angry and have resentment, we are only human. Yet working to not give "full vent" to our rage and striving for calm almost always brings a better solution. So I am working on many things in my life to "Drop the Knife" and in doing so, finding a better sense of CALM.